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I've said it once..

weightedworld's picture

Ever feel like the mean old dog who's owners told the kids a hundred times to stay away and when they don't and your showing your teeth so damn bad and are about to bite? Thats me. And yes I just compared myself to a dog. 

I asked/told SO around Christmas I no longer wanted his daughter (6) in my home and if that meant he left too I was alright with that. 
In the meantime he has figured out he has no where to go with his limited funding due to over half of his check going to child support/medical/arrears. I can no longer even look at this girl, my blood pressure raises, I can feel the heat in the back of my throat, like I just want to blow up. If I do look at her she is squinting her eyes at me as if in her head she is cussing me out to no end until I look at her and then she darts her eyes somewhere else. 

She was there this last weekend. Going to recap a little more so just to get it off my damn chest. 

She got there Friday - Myself, my 2 kids 6&7, and our two 2&1 went shopping with my mom to go to a baby shower the following day. We didn't get back home until 8pm. He was not home yet as we are doing some room renovating down stairs and he was getting some stuff to work on the project this weekend. Beings it was 8pm I got the kids up stairs and ready for bed. Beings it was a Friday night I let the older 3 lay in my bed and watch a movie. When they returned she went up stairs and joined them. No big deal, when I went to check on them at 11p all were sleeping except she had went to her own bed. Thankfully.

Saturday morning, she woke up everyone as per usual.. I didn't even ask this weekend, I just hold the expectation that she is going to do it. He needed to run to the store to get a couple items for the work we were doing. Him and the 3 girls went to town. He was going to call me and let me know when he was on his way home and I was going to start lunch. He called and said that he of course had to stop at the gas station to get them all a treat. So and so got this flavor chips, so and so got that flavor of chips.. instantly my blood pressure went through the roof.. I could feel it in my ears. Anyone following my story understands that this girl and chips is not only a huge problem for me but it is a problem for her as that is ALL she eats. Family size bags of chips. Mind you she is the only one who didn't eat breakfast because she wasn't "hungry" soo anyway.. I make me and the boys some food, we are sitting there eating when they all walk in. He makes the comment of are you going to make dinner? I went to the cupboard and grabbed a bag of chips from the top shelf and handed them to him and said enjoy. He asked if I was mad and I said nope, I really don't give a shit, not like we haven't had this chip conversation A MILLION TIMES. 

He ended up making lunch for him and her. (Don't forget who he had with him in total) 

Soo anyway, I had the baby shower to go to, the younger two weren't feeling well and were napping so I decided to leave them home. The kids were all told when I laid the little ones down to not go up stairs and wake them up because they were not feeling well. I had to run back up stairs last minute because I wanted to grab a jacket and when I got to the top of the stairs she flung out of my sons room. I asked her what she was doing 3 times, she looked at me like a deer in headlights and would not say a word. Went completely mute. I was not mean, I was not cold, I finally told her that if she couldn't use her words and talk she could go to her room. She went and jumped on her bed and cried into her pillow. This is a new thing that she has begun doing not only to myself but to her dad as well. She speaks as she wants to but when she is spoken to she turns mute - you could ask her something as simple as what color is your hair. It has begun to be an issue with Daddio as well. I didn't even tell him before I left.. whatever. Which by the way I hadn't been gone for literally 4 minutes before I received the call asking what happened. I was an ass and timed it. When I did tell him what went on he was not mad, he just said he was just wondering because she wouldn't say anything.
I was planning on taking my daughter and asked my son what he would like to do, he could either come with or he could go and hang out with Grandpa until we come back.. or he could stay. I knew he wouldn't stay but figured I would offer he tends to be her punching/pushing bag and continuously gets yelled at and ridiculed by SO especially when his daughter is around because as she can dish it out she surely can't take it. He ended up coming with me because Grandpa was busy. Came back 2.5 hours later and the house was TRASHED. Not just toys here and there,  I'm talking the huge dining room table is turned, food all over, blankets, curtains yanked down. I don't know what the hell went down in my house while I was gone for those 2.5 hours.. but I will tell you that it is currently still in that state because I am not touching it for the foreseable future. I know I will end up having to piece it all back together in the end but whats living in squaller for a few days.. 

Again.. we ate at the shower and it was what are you making for supper.. I told him he could through in a frozen pizza and said it will be done in 20 minutes. 1. your a grown adult and 2. she is NOT my responsibility. 

Later in the evening I bathed the little kids.. told my 6 yr old to hop in so she could help me hold the 1 year old.. like a snake through the back she slithers in behind the curtain.. whatever. I spent better of 2 years teaching this chick how wash her hair/how to wash/what to wash/ ect. She still finds this super hard and I find it damn frustrating that I just can't anymore. My 6 year old walks her through what to do. Excuse me while I go beat my head off the wall. 

I'm just going to end the day there.. no other big happenings for the rest of the night. 

Come Sunday.. drum role please... continue to work on the house (we swapped two rooms and were putting new flooring in, replacing a wall) another morning run to the store to get some more things needed.. this time no chips.. suprise suprise. 

It's getting to be about rest time so I send the kids up stairs to watch a movie so the younger two can take their naps. They were up there horsing around and jumping on my bed practicing karate. (none of them even do karate) I got after them and came back down stairs.. all of a sudden my daughter runs down saying she is soo sorry. I'm thinking what did she break. She said that they were doing karate again, even though you told us not to, but I kicked her off the bed when I did a karate kick and she hit her head and shes bleeding. She comes down and there is a trail of blood and she is crying. She ended up hitting the handle on the dresser on way down and it split the back of her head open by a cm. Enough to require 2 staples in her head. SO did not freak out, I was highly suprised, he wasn't even mad, again suprised. Me on the other hand.. I know how she over exagerates her falls and especially when someone is causing her to do it and I wish I had that shit on replay. I can picture her globbing her entire self into a dead weighted mess and hitting the dresser. I think she should go to be a stunt double for her career choice. 

So anyway, told her dad that she needed to go to the hospital for stitches or glue at the very least but it was split too much to not do anything. I think over all she dealt with it like a champ. I mended to it and got her cleaned up. Dad starts fussing about calling mom, you want to talk to mom don't you, should we see if mom can meet us at the hospital. He calls her mom and now we got the big tears, the drama, ohh the drama. I told him I didn't think that was a very smart move. Anyway, mom meets them at the hospital I'm thinking she is going to get her back in a few hours anyway that she would just go home with her since it's a 45 min drive one way.. HELL NO! He calls me 1.5 hr later and says they are on their way back home. He was going to stop at the store yet again before he left town.. but he forgot what he needed so he came back home, figured out what he needed, went back to town so now she has an 1.5 at the house left before he has to again get in his vehicle to take her home. I was ornery about it, very actually, we hadn't got very much of anything done and we had to take back all tools needed either last night or this morning. I politely told him not to ask me for any gas money this week because he is broke and he doesn't get paid for another 7 days. 

I don't feel like I am parenting my 4 kids. I feel like I am parenting 4 young kids, a immature teenage boy who got his girlfriend knocked up so plus 1 even more immature. 

 

 

 

futurobrillante99's picture

I don't know how you do it. This crap would make me a nervous wreck and it how is it your problem that he's broke? He needs to man up and handle his business..........elsewhere.

AgedOut's picture

back at the part where he knew you did not want her in your home any longer so he brought her anyway.

Aniki's picture

I asked/told SO around Christmas I no longer wanted his daughter (6) in my home and if that meant he left too I was alright with that. 

Tell him again and MEAN IT. 

You have to take some of the blame for your unhappiness because you allowed the Chip Monster back into your home. 

If he shows up with his kid, tell him they have to stay elsewhere. Frankly, you should tell him to stay elsewhere permanently. It is not your problem what he can/cannot afford. He can move in with BM, his mommy and daddy, a buddy, a homeless shelter. NOT.YOUR.PROBLEM.

weightedworld's picture

I did forget to mention in my story.. our 2 year old had gotten a sit and spin for christmas. The older kids are not allowed on it because they are too big. Honestly the day after receiving it it has been put away so it has been out of mind and not being played with.. not that 2 yr old can't, she has just occupied herself with other things. 3 times did dad tell his 6 yr old to get off it and put it away and she was too big to be on it - the 3rd and final time he was highly irritated and she knew it, he barked at her. Saturday morning when she came down stairs that was the first thing she did. I finally got after he because he was occupied and I rather my kids not see me knowing she was on and not saying anything because by the 3rd time she was watching to make sure he wasn't noticing she was on it.. so I told her that her dad had told her 3 times to stay off it and put it away so she needed to put it away.. she sat on the couch and pouted for 10 min. I told her she could go up to her room if she wanted to sit there and pout after being told for the 4th time to not be doing something. 

The two weeks that she is gone we have a really functionable home in comparison.. after she leaves for the weekend he disengages at this point himself. BM complains because he has pulled away, doesn't call or do anything until the Thursday before he gets her to make sure everything is good for pick up on Friday. I think that has a lot to do with his job change and actually for the first time in 6 years getting to know and see her for who she is now and finding that everyone who has been complaining meant what they said and they weren't just being mean. I think once the two weeks finally ends he recreates this good little girl scenario in his head and then is reminded quickly as the weekend begins how wrong he was. I know I did that myself until I had had enough. I don't feel it will be too long before he gets to this point himself. I honestly could see him long term just walking away. I know that sounds horrible but you can only play mind games with yourself for so long about the situation but he has been continuously running into the brick walls BM continues to build. Not to mention once she leaves we have to knock out all the negative behaviors that our 2 year old has picked up and that has begun to really get under his skin because he doesn't want her acting that way neither. 

Getting him out of the house.. I'm actually scared because I do not want our two kids with him while he has her. I do not trust her and I do not trust him to be responsible enough to for one see or do anything about anything that may come up. The 2 yr old is starting to defend herself against her but the 1 yr old is too small. He can be crawling across the floor and she will follow in a crawl like she is attempting to play with him and put her palm on his rear end and push down until he squeels. The thought alone just gives me anxiety. 

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

If you told your bf last month that his daughter was no longer allowed in your house, why was she in your house??

weightedworld's picture

I clearly wasn't taken seriously and I did not want to cause huge family dramas as both of his parents Christmases got pushed back due to everyone's schedules by pushing it. What I did by doing that was gave him the power to look past my feelings on the matter and not take me seriously. I'm the type who builds and builds and then blows my stack. He has failed to realize with this particular subject along with everything else I've blown up about that I actually meant what I said. I feel as if now I will continue until I really blow and really make myself the bad guy. The way I feel either way I'm the ass in everyones eyes at least on his side. His mother already thinks the opinions he holds now are because of me and not his own. I'm just jealous of a 6 year old girl. 

My mother has warned me to take care of the situation before I lose my cool as she says she can tell my pot is starting to really bubble. 

I have not brought it up since the big discussion, but I know if I do he will want an explanation of why, tell me she isn't that bad, and when I say all that I have to say he will turn it on to me and my kids and how I parent and then he will walk away and pout about it. Happens every time we discuss his kid. 

Prior too all of this I would never talk such crap about a kid or have these feelings. I would be looking for a solution and what I could do to help. I've never even had the thoughts I do about any kid in my life and feel very guilty that I have reached this point. Its used to advantage because he knows I feel that way. 

I don't know how to bring the subject up again without some major event causing it because as I said it will turn into a guilt trip. 

Aniki's picture

IMO, he will do everything he can to guilt you in to allowing him to stay. 

He cannot/will not parent his child. He's using you to keep a roof over his head.

Is this the life you want for the next 5, 10, 20 years? No?

Tell him for THE last time: his kid is NOT welcome in your home and he has 30 days to get out. Period. Take back your life.