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Yes, this is a rant about DH

Elizabeth's picture

Have to get it out here so I don't go crazy all over him in real life.

As long as I have known DH, he's had this weird thing about celebrating SD's half-birthday. No idea why, I didn't realize that was such a major milestone.

Our two BDs? He doesn't even notice. So youngest BD had her half-birthday in December, DH didn't even know it. Oldest BD just had her half-birthday a couple of days ago, again, nothing.

Yet I come across a text in his phone where he asked SD20 what he should get her for her half-birthday and told her he'd ordered a new iphone 5. What ... the ... hell?!

This is what I live with. This is why I'm perpetually cranky and snapping at him.


DaizyDuke's picture

Are you sure that your BDs are his?? Cause hot damn, he sure acts like they belong to the mailman and SD is the second coming of Christ.

I would be pissed as hell about this. I hate double standard crap.

Elizabeth's picture

I come across crap like this fairly regularly and it does NO GOOD to talk to him about it. He thinks I'm a bi*ch, I think he's a bas*ard, neither can come to any agreement, DH thinks he can do whatever he wants for HIS kid. All he then does is guilty buy something for our two BDs. I honestly think about the only time they get something from him is when he's spent a butt ton of money on SD and feels a bit guilty so throws a bit of money at them to compensate.

DaizyDuke's picture

^^^this^^^ and just let him DARE bitch out it... cause I'm sure he will! I've read your blogs where he will drop hundreds on SD and then bitch about 20 bucks for a bio.

zerostepdrama's picture

My half birthday recently passed.

Nothing from my Daaddddyyyy, Nothing from my Mommmyyyyy, nothing from DH...

I am mad! Sad

LOL Wink

JustAgirl42's picture


kathc's picture

WTF File for divorce, seek as much alimony and CS as possible and let him see how little money he'll have left to spend on SD when he's sending half his check to you every month! Bastard!!!

zerostepdrama's picture

Have you guys tried counseling?

You have every right to be mad. iPhone 5 for a half birthday? WTF is that? Did you ask him what he planned on getting your BDs for their half birthday?

Now if it was me I would look at him as serious as can be and just say "why is it okay to get an iPhone5 for SD but you dont even acknowledge BD's half birthday."

Does he not see nor care the damage he could be (or is in the process of doing) to SD?

On a side note, I couldnt live a life like this and would be filing for divorce.


Elizabeth's picture

Yes, counseling was unsuccessful because I poured my heart out and he sat there like a sourpuss and then didn't do a thing the counselor suggested because he "didn't like her."

I have tried the straightforward, explain your thinking route with him but no luck. Maybe it's me, but there is NO reason in the world for him to do that, so his explanations hold no water.

zerostepdrama's picture

So what are your other options so that you and your BDs can live a happy life without all this drama and stress?

Yeah no answer would be the right one. He's just a puss when it comes to SD.

Hopingforthebest's picture

I hate the double standard and I can't for the life of me understand it! My DH stressed continually that when we had our children that he didn't want anything to change for the steps so my babysitter has always worked around my she is there even when he is off so that he and sk can still do whatever they want....funny how he never worries about his relationship with our bios...he always says well SS will be gone in a few years so then I can focus on them.....he just doesn't get it

ctnmom's picture

Amen Hoping this was my DH for a long time, till CTBB reached some sort of, ermm, "adulthood". He was more worried about how HE would react to our bios then making a family of our own! (CTBB is biologically his nephew). But we couldn't have ever afforded a babysitter when the kids were little, they just got to see their dad favor his nephew over them all the time.

Elizabeth's picture

Our bios together are 10 and 7, SD is 20, he has been a freak about SD's half-birthday I presume her whole life, but certainly the entire time he and I have been together (since SD was 5). For our kids, half birthdays pass unnoticed by him.

farting_glitter's picture

dear sweet jesus....W.....T....H.....????....guess my DH owes me a lot of back half birthday presents.... }:)

hereiam's picture

Just another excuse to spoil his princess. Someone should tell him that she's not 4 years old.

DaizyDuke's picture

the part that scares me, is that it seems to me like his spoiling of SD and sneaking around have escalated since she has been an adult and moved out! Like seriously, is there no end to this madness???

Generic's picture

The only time I have ever heard anyone making a fuss over half birthdays is when the actual birthday falls on Christmas Day or conflicts with another major holiday/birthday. And then, it's treated as the only one. It's not as if they get TWO birthdays that year. So, that's weird.

simifan's picture

Why would you allow your children to be hurt by such a double standard? You do realize by accepting it & allowing the double standard to continue - you condone it.

Treating our children as if they are somehow breaker for me.

Elizabeth's picture

I guess I feel like my options are:
1. Stay with him and try to mitigate/deflect as much as possible (the kids don't know about the iphone 5) and do for MY kids
2. Leave and then he gets them alone and then the one-sided behavior can continue but be right in their faces

Disneyfan's picture

A. Get a better paying job.
B. Find another woman to take advantage of.

Disneyfan's picture

Your A would be great for the OP's girls.

There are plenty of women out there who allow men to take advantage of them. A user is always able to find a victim.

Disneyfan's picture

I have heard of people using 1/2 birthdays as a way of getting free stuff while on a disney vacation. I had no idea people engaged in such craziness in their day to day lives. :sick:

What's the deal with this man and his three daughters???? It's so strange that he spoils the adult and treats the little ones like dirt.

I would expect him to spoil the baby girls not the rusty grown woman. :?

zerostepdrama's picture


simifan's picture

As for 1/2 birthdays I always thought they were the excuse for summer birthdays to bring cupcakes to elementary school.

Sweet T's picture

I had never seen the 1/2 birthday thing till this year. BS6's BD is in July, so the summer kids get to celebrate a 1/2 b day. I sent oreos for the class. I did not but my child a gift, wtf.

I have been following your blogs since this kid was 14 and could not be bothered to put away her shoes. I think your husband is never going to change and isn't capable of it. The best thing would be to seperate your money and split the bills, hit him where it hurts. I know you have said that he doesn't wan this and I think he has threatened divorce. I would call his bluff. My DH is screwed up and has been nothing but a roller coaster ride lately. Recently he brought up divorce and I told him I was fine with it either way, get his shit together or divorce me... he knows I am serious and he totally stopped that threat.

I called the attorney that did my 1st divorce to get pricing on a divorce with custody and one thing he asked me was did my husband have any money. I said no, and he replied then he would have a hard time fighting me for custody and stuff like that.

I am not sure you are at the point, but he has way more to loose than you do.

zerostepdrama's picture

Let him threaten you Elizabeth. He isn't going to divorce you.

I would seperate my money if I was you. My own bios would not go without so he can spoil SD. No freakin way.

Jsmom's picture

Who celebrates this? That is crazy. What a way for an over indulged step child to get more gifts and justify it to a Disney Dad. Holy Cow. I would flip out on DH.

Sweet T's picture

I get why Elizabeth has stayed so long, because there is a lot IMO that goes into divorcing your spouse when there are kids and property and such. There is also the fear of having your children spending the EOW with a parent who isn't really a great parent and what the child is exposed to with out us there.

I know lots of women do it, but it is hard. I have been layimg the ground work for a while in my own marriage. As I was responding earlier to this post it really hit me how easy it is for me to tell her to seperate finances and call his buff. Pulling the trigger is way harder than telling someone else to do it.

The common thread with so many of us isn't the crazy bio mom or the crappy kids it is the crappy screwed up husband.

Elizabeth's picture

Thank you Sweet T for expressing it much better than I ever could.

twopines's picture

I never heard of it until I started reading StepTalk. It's bizarre that this is an actual "thing".

Steppy MN2's picture

I'm so lucky, my birthday is my OSD's half-birthday!! There went my birthday. If my birthday was ever brought up OSD had to remind everyone that it was her half-birthday or she would say to me "Oh you know when my half-birthday is, don't you?" She was 20 years old the last time she said that to me. It would be nice if she didn't have to be the center of attention for once. And BTW, she's the mini-wife too.

IslandGal's picture

This is beyond pathetic! Your DH has his daughter sitting with him in the inner core of your entire relationship.

Our Counsellor told me you could look at our situation much like an onion. The inner core fits the two of you in the relationship, it can't fit anyone else. The first layer of the onion are the kids, 2nd layer family, 3rd layer friends, 4th layer acquaintances etc. If the core of the onion is rotten - the whole thing gets tossed out. If your DH keeps treating his SD like his spouse, he has pushed YOU out of the core, and therein sits the two of them.

Guess it's up to you now to decide whether you want to be in that core with him or go find yourself another onion, so to speak.

Personally, I would kick my DH's ass to the kerb if he did that. I'd much rather be alone with my bio's than in a situation like that.

Friel's picture

It seems your rants are usually about things you've discovered whilst checking his phone.

Stop checking his phone.

If its your money he is spending then take away his power to spend it. You should not have to check his phone to find out what's happening to your money. Go to the bank and ask how to keep track of your money better.

If its his money, its his money.

Stop checking his phone.

Disneyfan's picture

I can't figure out which is the craziest~ the fact that he does this, or the fact that the OP pays for it. :?