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Freaking out need reassurance

Elise's picture

Long story short. My current husband continues to have a volatile relationship with his ex. We really try our best to get along with her, but it keeps getting thrown back in our face.

She is irresponsible when it comes to the kids and their schoolwork. He sent her a text today asking her to help encourage their son to be responsible about a specific item. She got angry and bit back that he was abusing her.

Later, we caught her in a major lie concerning the kids and leaving the country. He called her on it. That's all. This was all via text. Next thing we know we get a call from her sister saying she's calling the police on him because he was abusing her. Basically for the 2 things listed above.

She then later communicated to my husband that they had someone "looking into his texts" and that he was being abusive. All he was doing was trying to encourage her to take a more proactive part in managing the school and does continue to try and get her to be honest when it comes to their children. No insults, threats or angry words were exchanged.....

But....from experience is there really anything they could do to him? The court systems aren't exactly fair and they tend to favor the mom so we are a bit gun shy there...

Any advice/similar experiences would be appreciated.



melis070179's picture

Unless he threatens her in any way then there's nothing that can be done to him. I don't know where they're getting "abusive" from if he's not threatening or insulting. If he's constantly harassing her then she could probably get a protection order. But it sounds like if he's just saying normal things to her than she can't do anything to him.

missangie1978's picture

when DH texts her or sends her a letter asking her to deal with something concerning SS she starts going off about how DH is harassing her and she's going to have to file a anti-harassment order.

Nothing comes out of it because there is nothing there just like nothing will happen when it coems to you BM because texting her is not abuse.

The only thing that might happen is for a judge to tell your DH to stop texting her at all just so that BM will stop wasting the courts time.

smurfy1smile's picture

That concerns me. Do they have passports? Your DH can have them flagged so if they are used they will contact him or if BM tried to get the kids a passport DH can be notified.

Abusive texts - let's see - please help jr to finish his science project and encourage him to do a good job and put forth his best effort = is this like the stuff you DH is sending to BM?

All I can see is proper parenting, if they were still together they would be communicating the same stuff in person like parents do. What is BM thinking? This stuff is about as abusive as a melting ice cream cone.

Sita Tara's picture

Phone harassment can be charged if he is texting or calling her multiple times a day and berating her, threatening her, cussing at her, calling her names etc. (Hmmm... as a matter of fact it sounds as though he is the one BEING phone harassed and perhaps he should store those messages and texts to back up a charge against her.)

If the texts he is sending are -

"Please make sure Johnny studies for the quiz tomorrow. Thanks."

Then there is no way he can be charged.

She sounds like my SD's BM who is Borderline/Bipolar (unofficially of course since she would never admit she has a problem.) If this behavior is par for the course with the BM you are dealing with, I would go to the library and take out the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and see if there's more that sounds familiar. It won't help her, but it will help you help him be able to avoid taking the bait when she is trying to threaten or provoke him into arguing.


"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra