You are here

Christmas Gifts from BM

Elise's picture

Tell me if I am being oversensitive here....Our stepkids BM insists on taking them shopping for everyone in our family (me, husband, grandparents, my daughter). Normally I'd say this was thoughtful. But it's weird b/c she hates her ex (my husband) and barely speaks to me. My husband also takes them shopping for gifts for all, so in the end everyone gets 2 gifts. We are trying to teach the kids about not going into excess and this kind of contradicts that. Plus she ends up getting really tacky things so it's a waste. It's the same drill for every holiday (mothers day, birthdays, fathers day). She has serious money issues so it also makes me feel bad. We've asked her nicely not to but that hasn't worked. It just really annoys me. I can'ttell if I am just overreacting and should just accept things quietly with a nice thank you. Curious if anyone has this same situation and how they handle?

Oh and also, even weirder....whenever we have bought gifts from the kids for her (b/c she doesn't have a partner to do these things) she destroys them or sends them to charity.


Sita Tara's picture

I just let my sons SM buy what she wanted. I thought it was kind of thoughtful actually, but the two of us have never had any huge issues with each other anyway.

I always say choose your battles. This one's harmless and maybe a starting point for some good will. My ex's family and I now exchange one family present. I have sent a package of cookies, home made ornaments etc. The best one they did a few years ago, was a blockbuster gift card and movie theatre type candies (in boxes like you buy at the theatre), microwave popcorn, etc. That was really neat and they packed it in a tin that looked like an old time popcorn box.

Maybe if you do something like that, then BM will get the hint and buy you guys just one overall gift.

If not, I would let this one go and chalk it up to seasonal good will for each of you- her for buying the gifts and making the gesture, you for not sweating the small stuff.

Just my ever humble opinion.
Peace, love, and red wine

LVmyBOXERS's picture

does this in our family but does not give gifts to DH and I. They gifts are addressed from her, her new husband and the kids. See forum "BM and holiday gifts." This is one I started kind of asking the same question. Maybe some of the responses I got will help you.

Georgie Girl's picture

They are kids and it makes them feel good to give bm a present from them. My dh takes skids and my bd to buy a gift for me. I think it is just teaching the kids to be thoughful. No harm in that.


kathleen's picture

For some reason this has been very unclear between my DH and the ex. Sometimes ex will buy presents for Dh ie birthday or something, other times, nada. For a long time I took the responsibility to buy the gifts for Bm from the kids. Usually we made something. I took a picture of the kids, and had it ironed onto a t-shirt. Or a picture in a frame. Something like that. It usually didn't cost much money, it was all about the kids and if she threw it away, well....

This year, since she has brainwashed the kids into thinking we are evil, and thus we haven't seen them, I'll be curious what happens when they come over to get their presents. Do you think they will show up with anything for us? Doubtful.

I've always thought BM and DH should work together deciding on giving gifts, and how to make it work but it seems like this even is too big of a feat. I think this topic epitomizes all of the problems we face. Something as simple as gifts for a holy holiday is rot with problems and pain.

SO, here's to a glass of red wine, or white, and for CG a shot of southern comfort!!!!!