How important is where you live?
I used to post under here with a different name, but I deleted my account. It's been awhile. I broke up with my ex about a year ago due to a lot of issues between us. We have since talked about getting back together a few times over the past six months and have talked a lot about things that destroyed our relationship. I have dated other people and had some fun in the meantime, but I always come back to him. He is my best friend and he is home to me. I just can't imagine marrying or growing old with anyone else. I truly can't. It's crazy too because the kid thing was a hard thing to adjust to (I don't have any of my own, and don't really want them), but I started to miss that part of it, too. They feel like my family.
Unfortunately this time around, we keep running into the same road blocks that we did the last time we started discussing all this a few months ago. Since we broke up, I got a new job and moved an hour away to a city that I looove. He loves it too, and has been trying to find a job here, but who knows when and if that will ever happen. He is also hesitant to move an hour away from his kid when right now he lives basically around the corner from BM, which I understand. So the problem is, we lived together previously, and I hate the town he lives in. I much prefer where I live now. I freaking love it actually, and don't want to live anywhere else. It is a MAJOR issue and I'm trying to figure out exactly why. I don't want to be the type of person who gives up a relationship for a city. I can't marry a city, after all.
I'm just having a hard time moving past it. Yes, there is a chance that he could get a job up here and work it all out with BM and choose to move up here. He wants to, he's just nervous and who knows how long that could take. I would possibly have to move back to his town in the meantime, if it didn't happen in the next year or so. But that basically is my fantasy - the person I want, living in the city I want. But I can't go into it thinking that WILL happen because I really don't know, and it probably won't happen in the short term anyway. I don't want to make a decision based on the "worst case scenario" but I want to be realistic also.
I guess why I hate the town he lives in isn't important... I mean it could be a lot worse but it's pretty much all families or super old people, there is no nightlife, there is no city charm like where I live. It's also in the middle of two metropolitan areas so you either have to drive 30 miles in one direction or 60 miles in the other, to where I live. It also means that if we lived together I would be commuting an hour to work every day.
I really love this city. And he says that he knows I would be heartbroken if I packed up and left and moved back in with him down the line. I told him of course I would, but people do that all the time. My friend left DC, which she adored as much as I love this place, to move out West because her husband got transferred out there and she was able to work remotely. Why am I so hung up on this? Is this a sign of selfishness or immaturity or is it just a control thing? Like how do you feel in control of your own life when you are making sacrifices like that and can't even live where you want to live because of a stepkid? I mean I know the man should be worth it, and we had problems before, maybe that's why I'm so hesitant? Or could I really be the type of person who gives up her possible soulmate because she wants to live in a certain place? I mean I live up here now and I have enjoyed it but I've also been sad and would have enjoyed it more with him here. You should be able to be happy anywhere, right? I mean it's not like he lives in the middle of the mountains with not even a grocery store around. It's not like that by a long shot.
I also don't know if I'm overanalyzing and just letting that ruin things. Maybe no matter what is going on in my life I'll be looking at the negative. New job, finally living in the city I love, thinking about my ex. Work things out with the ex, have to make a sacrifice down the line to be with him, and then I'm making myself miserable because I'm not living where I want to live. HELP!
I know the knee jerk reaction here is to say "Don't give up your life for these awful stepkids." I'm just honestly asking - how important is where you live?