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Rant-Kids back from MotY

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

BM is was supposed to have the kids this coming weekend for her mid 6 week summer visit but because of her work schedule SO agreed to change it so we just got them back tonight.

 

Well apparently MotY has a new guy because she couldn't be bothered to actually spend the day with them and decided to drop them on Grandpa. Either that or she just didn't want to be a parent when it keeps her from partying it up with friends.

 

Found out she's been in town repeatedly over the time we've had them so she can hook up with whoever. Makes no attempt to see the kids when last year she was all over it. Ensured she was at the birthday party we took the kids too down there the first weekend we had them though.

 

On top of this I've got the oldest one telling me how mad mom would be to know they saw SO's mom today. I know I just wrote about that issue. I didn't even have to say anything. Oldest said “mom will be mad if I tell her. But I don't have to. But I will.”

Let me clarify that this isn't her being manipulative. We tell the kids they can tell their mom whatever they want about their time with us but they don't have to. We also tell them they don't have to and shouldn't keep secrets from either of their parents. So both the kids have learned what not to say to mom if they don't want to make her mad and the oldest is trying to figure out how to do it without keeping secrets. I told her that's for her to decide.

 

Then finally back to mother of the year and where I know I was wrong. I tell the kids to brush their teeth and the little one is saying that his gums are bleeding. I will be honest I thought about what I was saying as I said it. I could have stopped it but I didn't. I told him that's what can happen if you don't brush your teeth every day and then ask “have you been brushing them every day.” He kinds of shrugs but it's clear the answer is no. We make sure they brush their teeth here but they've been at BM's for only two days and she couldn't make sure it happened there.

 

Now let me be clear I know what I did. I know that I don't like that BM does the same stuff to us. In ever other way I've done everything I can to not directly ask the kids about their mother's home. Sure I'll ask if they've had a good week at school and stuff like that when we get them for the weekends. I'm sure I'll be mad at myself later about directly asking about the teeth brushing but on top of it when the kids saw me and hugged me they stunk. And here BM complains if we don't have them shower the night before we send them home but she can't even make sure they brush their teeth.

 

This was a mess when they started their divorce. After not seeing the dentist for the full year she was pretty much refusing to let him see them more than one night a month she then rushes the kids in and has to get multiple fillings for the oldest. Then tries to dump all the cost on my partner claiming the oldest also needed a root canal done which was a complete lie.

 

I know I'm just b*tching. I had a bad day at work. I'm glad the kids are back with us but at the same time I'm already bitter because in less than 3 weeks it's back to only every other weekend and her b*tching about not having any help while refusing to let us keep them any extra time. Oh and finally we're 90% sure their big trip to Disneyland isn't happening. I mean she lost the home and while she spent every month since Christmas trying to guilt SO into going too and trying to show off about it suddenly there's radio silence for the past month. I had really hoped she had used the tax money to buy it because I don't want the kids disappointed again. I mean if she used it responsibly then that's great but at the same time she's been telling the kids for months now.

 

Rant over.

Comments

Areyou's picture

Sorry you have to deal with such a loser BM. I hate picking up the slack for BM too. It’s her children.m, she needs to step up her game. Hang in there!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I have no issue running my home. What I hate is her behavior hurts the children. They expected to see her then she can't be bothered but you know she made sure to "keep" them every second she could.

I say that because we picked them up at their grandfather's house and she was no where to be found. 

twoviewpoints's picture

Did you ask the kids if they saw their mother during their trip home? Or are you strictly going by the lack of her presence at pick-up? Except for a simple 'did you have a good visit?' , I don't believe parents should drill the kids about what they did nor who they saw (and no, I did not just say you or Dad drilled the kids). 

Don't they all live with the grandfather now after losing the rental? I will assume the kids were happy , after being gone for a few weeks, to get a couple days back to what they are use to and where (they spend a lot of time at and with the GPa regularly). 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

BM had no reason to not be there since she works weekends. You'd think after not seeing them for weeks and refusing to let my partner pick them up any earlier even though we made it to town early she'd be there. 

Asked the kids if they had fun and there was odd silance. Not the rapid chatter of the little one telling us every tiny thing. Just that he played in the tablet. 

The oldest was very quiet which I've learned is a sign something's bothering her. Yes I'm assuming but with what I have to work it's a good bet.

I didn't feel you were saying I did question them like that. I don't. Their behavior is enough.