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Ss has been discharged from the hospital

Sumardale's picture

FDH has been going to the hospital everyday since Ss's suicide attempt last Friday. Even though Ss told FDH to leave when he regained cousiness, he still goes just to see his face and to ensure that he's alright. He's been sobbing himself to sleep almost every night. 

Ss was put on sucide watch. But now they seem him not a threat to himself anymore. Hence why he was discharged around 10ish this morning. He texted FDH asking him he would see him today and he agreed. FDH is happy that Ss messaged him at least. I'm worried that it might to into a b*tching fest but I don't want to break FDH's sprit. He messaged Sd and asked her if she was interested in going with them was well but she didn't even respond. 

FDH already called Ss's therapist and told her about his sucide attempt and how Bm is feeding into Ss's insecurites. She is seeing Ss on Wednesday and FDH will going as well. He's very involved with Ss's treatment but now he's stepping up  his involvement even more. 

FDH took the high road and didn't address the PAS properly. He actually stayed married longer to Bm for the sake of the kids even though is was very high stress  environment. He wanted to shield them from Bm's toxicity. He now sees that was wrong and wants to clear up the air but not at this moment. Right now he just wants to shows Ss that dad's not going anywhere but if Ss does ask questions or brings up any misconceptions, he will be gently addressing it

 

tog redux's picture

I don't understand how, if he's been so involved with his treatment, the therapist doesn't know what's going on. She hasn't picked up that SS thinks DH "abandoned him", even though DH is right there, trying to be part of treatment and trying to see him?

BM hasn't cut DH out of treatment to give the impression that he doesn't care about SS? Most therapists do not understand parental alienation.  They take what a kid says at face value rather than looking at the big picture.

 

Sumardale's picture

They've had to switch therapist multiple times. This is Ss's 4th therapist. His first therapist was good and was getting through to him but he left because he got married and had to move. The 2nd one wasn't kind at all. He told Ss to his face that he's just looking to be center of attention and needs to get over whatever is going on. FDH let her have it. The 3rd one suggested putting Ss into a in patient treatment center. They took him out of that one. 

This last one is a gem. It took Ss a while to start opening up to her. His parents had to explain why Ss was so withdrawn and she agreed that sending Ss away would only further push him away and feed into his sense of being abandoned. He's internalized everything. 

Nope she hasn't. She claims that she doesn't know why Ss is like his. She is a class A narcissist. All she wants is Ss to be happy again but she was the one that put him in this situation in the first place. FDH is dealing with the aftermath

Rags's picture

Personally I like therapist #2.   Direct, honest and focused on reality.

However, finding the right fit with a therapist is important.  If #4 is effective.  Stick with them.  If they are not effective.... call #2 for a reality based engagement.

IMHO of course.

Rags's picture

Therapists are like any employee.  Find one that works and delivers to what you are looking for.

I get that this child is in pain and harmed himself.  I am not a therapist. But I am experienced with suicide attempts.   In high school there were three suicide attempts that I responded to when my Cadets notified me of what was happening.  One was a potential jumper, one cut his wrists, and the third was trying to hang himself in his closet.  I stopped all three, restrained them, treated injury and called EMS.   All three asked for me to accompany them to the hospital.  I spoke with the Psychiatrist they each saw and I went back for my own edification when I struggled to understand why anyone would even consider killing themselves.

In short, the Doc told me that not one of the three was serious as all three had acted in an evironment where they would be seen and stopped.  According to the Doc they were asking for help in an unhealthy way. 

I hope this kid gets the help he needs before he destroys his own life and the lives of his family.

Curious Georgetta's picture

OP is well intentioned, shehas been involved in this situation for less than a third of this kids life. Father and son have a relationship that spans 15 years. A lot can have occurred in the 15 years about which the O P may not be privy or have only heard the perspective  from her partners side.

The best thing that she can do is to be there as emotional support for her partner if or when he seeks her support and otherwise we remain distant  and let the parents and professionals work to help  heal this young man 

Hopefully better days are ahead for all involved.

 

Harry's picture

To work out some of these problems together.  To let SS know he was not abandoned,  BF and BM problems does not effect BF and SS relationship.  Having a unhealthy BM is not helping any.   They should set a time to have father son time alone doing something in common. Fishing, sports, 

This put you in a ruff spot,