We've decided to go our separate ways.
Ss texted FDH to come see him the day he got discarged from the hospital for his sucide attempt. FDH went of course. They went for a walk and for lunch. Ss was just crying and hugging FDH the whole time. He's hurt.
FDH took Ss to his therapist appontiment on Wednesday. The first half it was just Ss by himself, then FDH got to sit in and they talked, and FDH by himself.
The therapist described Ss as being broken. He's broken almost on every level. Physically(healing), mentally, and emotionally. He's kept everything bottled up for so long that it all imploded and being unable to handel all lose emotions and turmoil is what pushed him to sucide.
Ss self-esteem is in the gutter. He blames in himself for how Bm is and FDH leaving. He feels that something is wrong with him. His therapist says that he's feeling a sense of defeat that he can't make FDH happy and that's why FDH is happy without him. Which is not true. FDH is miserable without Sd and Ss. Ss's depression+ sense of abadonment= a very hurt kid.
FDH told Ss he's anything but happy without him but it wasn't getting through to him. Ss was just crying. FDH had to hug Ss for the rest of the session.
In his mind: Mom says X, I see Y, therefore I believe Z. He's unable to differentiate between vs fiction. According to his therapist, Ss needs direction in his life and he doesn't know which way to turn. He's stuck and checked out. But the good news is that he's reached his rock bottom. Now they can take the steps for him to improve.
FDH and I got to talking and he said that he's unable to move on in life given with Ss's current issues. Ss feels that he's been left behind and he can't move on. He feels that he needs to give Ss his 100% right now . And He can't risk another suicide attempt. It was a very civil, mature, non- argumentative conversation. The both of us were in tears. I told that I understand his postion and wished him luck.
I don't blame him. My DD is a year younger than Ss. I probably would have done the same. Ss needs him now more than never. I'm not angry with FDH, Ss, or Sd. I'm angry at Bm. She put Ss in this situation. She's a Class A narcissist.
FDH is good man and a very loving father. I'm certain he'll help Ss revert back to the sweet kid he once was. He's in therapy with Ss now. The both of them need to work out these problems together. FDH is taking Ss to his family cabin this weekend. Ss is really a sweet kid wants to believe that his dad still loves him.
I'm heartbroken but I understand his decision too.