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We've decided to go our separate ways.

Sumardale's picture

Ss texted FDH to come see him the day he got discarged from the hospital for his sucide attempt. FDH went of course. They went for a walk and for lunch. Ss was just crying and hugging FDH the whole time. He's hurt. 

FDH took Ss to his therapist appontiment on Wednesday. The first half it was just Ss by himself, then FDH got to sit in and they talked, and FDH by himself. 

The therapist described Ss as being broken. He's broken almost on every level. Physically(healing), mentally, and emotionally. He's kept everything bottled up for so long that it all  imploded and being unable to handel all lose emotions and turmoil is what pushed him to sucide.

Ss self-esteem is in the gutter. He blames in himself for how Bm is and FDH leaving. He feels that something is wrong with him. His therapist says that he's feeling a sense of defeat that he can't make FDH happy and that's why FDH is happy without him. Which is not true. FDH is miserable without Sd and Ss. Ss's depression+ sense of abadonment= a very hurt kid. 

FDH told Ss  he's anything but happy without him but it wasn't getting through to him. Ss was just crying. FDH had to hug Ss for the rest of the session.  

In his mind: Mom says X, I see Y, therefore I  believe Z.  He's unable to differentiate between vs fiction. According to his therapist, Ss needs direction in his life and he doesn't know which way to turn. He's stuck and checked out. But the good news is that he's reached his rock bottom. Now they can take the steps for him to improve. 

FDH and I got to talking and he said that he's unable to move on in life given with Ss's current issues. Ss feels that he's been left behind and he can't move on. He feels that he needs to give Ss his 100% right now . And He can't risk another suicide attempt.  It was a very civil, mature, non- argumentative conversation. The both of us were in tears. I told that I understand his postion and wished him luck. 

I don't blame him. My DD is a year younger than Ss. I probably would have done the same. Ss needs him now more than never. I'm not angry with FDH, Ss, or Sd.  I'm angry at Bm. She put Ss in this situation. She's a Class A narcissist. 

FDH is good man and a very loving father. I'm certain he'll help Ss revert back to the sweet kid he once was.  He's in therapy with Ss now. The both of them need to work out these problems together. FDH is taking Ss to his family cabin this weekend.  Ss is really a sweet kid wants to believe that his dad still loves him. 

I'm heartbroken but I understand his decision too. 

 

Rags's picture

It is sad that XFDH is volunteering himself as the sacrificial offering on the alter of toxic BM/SD/SS martyrdom.  They will never let him go.  And now he has shown them that he is theirs to manipulate and destroy at will any time he fails to comply with their toxic manipulative crap.

I know that  this is heartbreaking for you both. However, now you no longer have to sacrifice your own life to the manipulations of their shallow and polluted gene pool.

Enjoy  your new life. Take care of you.

Sumardale's picture

He did what he felt like he needed to. I'm not defending him but I can understand his take. I feel bad for the skids. They're suffering because of Bm. 

Sd tried to give ex-FDH an ultimatium and he shut that down. He's not begging for her to return. He still does messages her and hopes she comes to her senses.  Sd was trying to manipulate ex-FDH not Ss.

That kid was hurt. He's actually going thorugh a lot for a 15 year old.  As for Ss suicide attempt, it wasn't a form of manipulation. He was hospialized. They had to give him blood because he lost so much. He was unconscious. It was a means to ends for whatever he's going through. I apologize if I'm coming off was rude. My older brother killed himself 5 years ago. So this runs deep for me and I take suicide very seriously

Rags's picture

You are not rude at all.  I can only immagine the pain of the loss of your brother to suicide. I lost my youngest brother though not to suicide.  My childhood BFF and I were the only other people home when his recently divorced Aunt killed herself in my BFF's  family home.  We found her and called 911. 

So, I have witnessed the intensity of loss that must be present with suicide.  I still find it to be incredibly selfish and manipulative. I get that this kid is hurting. But when considered as part of the entirety of the BM's and SD's manipulatiive crap, the smell test tells me that his actions and theirs are related.

Just my thoughts of course.

Take care of you. You can't fix this for them.  Move on and be happy.

IMHO of course.

susanm's picture

I agree with Rags.  This guy has sold his soul to his ex wif and son.  They will manipulate him until the day he dies.  He will never have a moment of happiness that is not pre-approved by them from here on out.  You are well rid of him.  Best of luck in your new life!

MurphysLaw's picture

You will come to see this is the best thing that ever could have happened to you from this relationship!

The best suggestion for your X is to have the surgery needed to become a eunuch & possibly a lobotomy.

That’s the best thing for him to deal with his Unfortunate Future of Lifetime Enslavement.

tog redux's picture

I, too think this is wrong, and he is following the script exactly as BM has planned it.  His focus has to be 100% on the kids and not on the new woman that she wanted to get rid of.

But that means you dodged a bullet.

Kiwi_koala's picture

Sorry to hear about the end of your relationship ☹️.  You would have been tied to three very toxic people. Surrounding yourself with toxic people only increases the chances of them turning you and your husband and daughter toxic as well. The son is mentally ill and highly manipulative. That is a dangerous combo.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

This is bullsh!t if you ask me but at least you’re free from StepHell. Good riddance.

ITB2012's picture

I'm sure this isn't what any of you envisioned for your life.

susanm's picture

I don't know.  If this BM is anything like mine, it would be working out better than she would have hoped in her wildest dreams.  I would be taking bets that BM and soon-to-be exDH will "rediscover their bond" over the shared need to care for their son.  

Merrywey's picture

That your relationship is ending.  But I am glad to read that you both approached it calmly, albeit with sadness.  I am also glad to see you admit that you would do the same for your child.  Most  people would but folks here will never admit to that.  Your DH is putting his parental responsibility  first, nit always easy to do.   Sorry for the negativity u are getting here. 

MurphysLaw's picture

What negativity is she receiving???

While we are sympathetic to her heartbreak, we are reassuring her this truly is for the best! Her Xs Family (BM, SD &SS) are all incredibly mentally ill as is her X!

Had she stayed in this relationship, even on the fringes of it, it would be soul sucking & possibly cause her to develop mental illness too!

 

Merrywey's picture

because doing right by your kid makes u a balless wonder.  The hypocrisy here runs deep.  At least she admitted she’d do the same thing for her DD.  Yeah that’s f’d up putting your kid first.

Rags's picture

Minor children should be the top parental and marital responsibility.   However, they should never trump the partners or marriage in priority.

Marriages cannot survive if they are not the only top priority.