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The house

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Well it’s official. The family home is being put into SO’s name. The only thing that worries me is apparently there’s another sick family member. This is the 5 one in less than a year and his mom is still reeling from the last one. I’m really worried about her mental health.

She plans to at least temporally move closer to her other child. Right now she’s claiming she will come back but SO is pretty sure that’s not true. Once she gets established she’ll most likely only come back to get the stuff she wants.

I’m still worried finically though. The house is really nice. Both kids will be able to have their own rooms and it’s in great condition. Sure we’ll have taxes and certain bills will be much more but we won’t have rent. The thing is both of us will have to take pay cuts to move. I REALLY don’t want to the same type of job because the only location there is privet / personal insurance pay which tends to be very unstable. I already know they do reduced hours near holidays. SO MIGHT be able to transfer jobs but he might have to take a lower position for at least a while. I COULD commute but it’s an hour each way and I already struggle getting up as early as I do. I could stay at my mom’s from time to time but then what’s the point of moving.

I’m also worried how BM would react if we did suddenly live less than 5 minutes away. I’m worried she’d feel threatened because right now the distance is the excuse to the kids for not getting to see their dad as often. The oldest has already said multiple time she wants to spend equal time at both homes. BM doesn’t respond well to changes in her own life I have no clue if she’d handle us moving.


susanm's picture

This really sounds like a terrible idea.  Neither of you have good job prospects, you will likely take pay cuts, bills will be higher, and I am guessing that you are going to get stuck with a hefty transfer tax bill when the deed is transfered.  The other child is perfectly OK with this gift to their sibling or is this going to start a major sh*tstorm of inheritance crazy?  And if you are looking at custody issues on top of this, I can't even imagine.

Why is she not just selling the house?  Why drag you all into this?  You are talking about a serious upheaval of your life here.  Be really really sure of what you are doing.  I would be scared to death.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

The house is a family home and the agreement from the start is it does not get sold. It gets past on to the next family memeber that needs / can use it. SO's sister lives in another state and is tied to that state because of her blended family situation. She knows that the mom is planing to let SO take over the house since it was going to be his back when he was still with BM. If she hadn't gone bat sh*t crazy he would already have the home.

I am worried. I know there's alot to look at. I don't know the cost of everything. I also agree that if we want to change the path of our lives this is a way.

Custody is already an issue. This won't change that but could in the long term aid SO. Again I'll point out that I said LONG TERM.

There are alot of factors that I don't completely know about. I'm really frustarted that SO is still working through the VA because if that were settled I wouldn't be so worried.

tog redux's picture

If you haven't owned a house before, be sure to factor in upkeep. You'd be surprised how much you spend, even when you think the house is in good condition.  If your SO is handy, that can help. 

ETA: Not to be sexist, perhaps you are handy yourself. 

susanm's picture

^THIS   Get used to the phrase "The joys of home ownership...." said with a grumble as you wipe sweat from your brow, search for the screw that was RIGHT HERE 3 seconds ago, or hand the credit card to the nice lady at Home Depot.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I grew up with my family owning a home and watched them with upkeep. I KNOW it's not easy or cheap. Thankfully SO IS very handy and already did alot of repairs when he lived in it years ago with BM. The roof is less than 5 years old. The foundation was checked less than 10 years ago. Bathroom redone a few years back. New appliances this year. Insolation was improved this past year. Yes it will cost and that's why I don't see the major finical gain of not paying rent. I'm fully aware that everything we save in rent might go right back into the house. If not each month atleast once a year.

justmakingthebest's picture

2 words- HOME WARRANTY. You can get one at anytime. They cost a few hundred a year but cover plumbing, electrical, roof, appliances. All the big ticket items. 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Yes completely agree. My parents had it for ours growing up.

ndc's picture

Isn't this what you've been working toward and hoping for?  To move closer to the skids and be a bigger part of their lives?  Is your worry because he hasn't taken care of the VA disability and it's going to be a financial stretch?

Have you done the math?  Are the property taxes, insurance, utilities and upkeep on the house more than your current rent?  If not, is the difference more than the amount of your pay cuts?  I would line up the income and expenses and determine if you can make it work.  Since this has been a goal for awhile, I'm assuming you've already done the math and know if you can make this work.  If you can't, your SO should be the brakes on the transfer of title to the house.


Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Yes it has and yes the VA is exactly my issue. If we had that sorted out I don't think I'd have any issues but like you've said I don't know if we can finically do this.

We've done what math we can but it's not that easy. We don't know exactly what will happen when we try to transfer jobs. We don't know exactly what expenses we're looking at. There's alot we don't know.

Right now he's being added to the title. Not completely put on alone. She will maintain ownership but she's got another family member who's dying and so I know that has her scared. She worried about waiting and doing nothing and then something happening to her and the home going into probate (I think that's the right word).

notarelative's picture

DH and his mother need to see a lawyer to transfer the house. The house can be transferred without triggering gift taxes if it is done correctly. There are ways to do it.

One way is to get an official appraisal (by a licensed appraiser not a real estate agent). The lawyer then uses the appraisal to file the IRS forms that acknowledge that the value of the house is included in mom's estate at the time of her death. 

It's not hard to do it right. You do need a lawyer and he will cost, but it's usually very reasonable. Do it wrong and you may find problems down the road.

Livingoutloud's picture

What a terrible idea.

How are you gong to afford taxes? It’s very expensive. Water? Other bills. I know you won’t have rent but your rent is cheap.

You previously said that you’d only move if SO gets VA money but it’s not even in the works yet. It’s often a disaster for low income people to assume ownership for a house but you plan on taking pay cuts? He already makes next to nothing. How much can you cut? You already can’t afford things like buying a car and having to share a car and SO can’t even afford doctor appt which isn’t even that much. How much can you two cut and still function? I see foreclosure in the future. 

What about SOs sibling? What do they think of the house going to SO? Why is this woman giving SO owndershuo of the house? Is it gift? Or is she selling to him? 

Why not wait when and if you two either make more money or get VA money to become homeowners. You need to be in a much better shape. Plus you aren’t married. Are you planning to contribute to upkeep of this house that isn’t yours? And you’ll get nothing out of it? You give up your job and take a pay cut so you can live in the house belonging to a boyfriend who can’t maintain said house on his own. Why on the planet?  It’s a bad financial decision on your part. 

Have you personally talked to VSO when they at least vaguely have an idea how long it takes for a senator to locate military records? At least general idea? A week or a month or another year? 

Assuming ownership and moving to that house now is a horrible horrible idea 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

As I pointed out in my post there is alot I'm worried about. I wish the VA was finalized becuase that would give us a more clear picture.

I haven't updated this but SO and I have gotten the car situation fixed. We've had it taken care of for months now. I just didn't want to say exactly when incase BM has been watching. I'm paranoid she's on here. Once my bankruptsy was finalized we had more than enough get another car. I was quickly approved for a loan. We have an extra 300 a month even after the car that we didn't have at the start of the year. We've been saving up for a deposit on a bigger apartment / move to closer to the kids.

Doctors are not cheap when you're looking at mental health issues. Like I said I know for a fact what they run out of pocket. You're looking at 200+ a visit and a minium of 1 visit every week for a month then going down to maybe every other week, then maybe one a month, and if you're lucky you'll jump to one every 3 months. Then you pay out of cost for any medication you're put on. If you're lucky it's something on walmarts 4 dollar list. If you're not is 300 a month for one medication. Even with insurance my medication is 50+ a month for everything I take.

Yes I've talked to the VSO. As I said we could expect something as early as next week and as late as however long it takes them to track it down. That is a concern of mine and why I said as such.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Why would you want to sacrifice your career and quality of life for a house you have no claim to? Someone giving your boyfriend a house doesn't mean you should have to make all these concessions and take all these risks. I thought you were focused on repairing your finances?

I know it sounds like a dream: a whole house, for free! To go from renting to home ownership!! But just because you can doesn't mean you should, because home ownership is very, very expensive. If you're barely making ends meet now, how does it make sense to take this on? Especially since there's likely to be a lot of deferred maintenance. Do you have 8k for a new HVAC system? 2k to repair dry rot? 6k for a new roof? Heck, where I live, even if you're doing the work yourself, any job costing $500 or more requires a permit - which costs more money.

You know those glamorous home giveaways we see on tv or in raffle solicitations? Many of the "winners" never actually live in them, because they can't afford the property taxes and associated costs. They "win", and then have to sell the house to pay the IRS.

I really question the judgement of this man you've chosen, OP. You simply can't rely on him to make good decisions.


Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I don't see it as sacrifice considering my exact standing and the progression possible in my field. I still have the ability to cut and run if things don't work out but as I've said in other post I'm actally quick happy with my life. My biggest complaint is focused on my partners VA disablility claim which if he gets taken care of and denied I'm prefectly ok with. If it gets accepted has the potietnal to make things better. I

LOVE the children and we have a great relationship. I love SO as a father to them and feel supported 100%. His ex isn't the worst and has been annoying but manageable.

The plan would be to take the rent being paid now and save it for matenance as you noticed I said that I don't see not paying rent as this big money saver because it will have to be put in other places.


Harry's picture

New kitchen, new bathrooms,  and will not be able to sell it. Lots of people sell there home and buy a small retirement home.  Using the exter cash fro, home sale for living on .

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

This home would be the retirement home? It's not a mansion and we don't need new kitchen and bathroom. They were updated in the past 5 to 10 years. I like the home and selling it isn't an option or consideration.

Livingoutloud's picture

Is your SO expects you to contribute to the house that can never ever be yours? If something happens to him you’ll be on the street and get no money back for what you put in. No one in their normal state of mind  will ask a boyfriend or a girlfriend to do such a thing. What’s he thinking? I’d only move in with him if he was well off and able to maintain the house without my contribution. Are you going to be officially a renter? If not what’s your rights here? None? That’s not smart. Don’t do that. 

I know your answer is “but I love him and the kids”. But you aren’t 16. You have to be smart and not build your whole life only on the fact that you are in love. Don’t make dumb moves. 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I have the stability in my life to cut and run at any moment. I've had it from day one. I don't see the home as an investment like so many here. My input would be no more wasted then me continuing to pay rent on a place that I have no security with.

My answer isn't "But I love him and the kids". It's that I like this possiblity. It has a few things to work out but this isn't something being done over night or blindly.

susanm's picture

OK.  I am going to say the thing that no one really wants to say.  This may be a good thing for your SO.  It may not.  Who knows.  But you do realize that it has no upside for you, right?  You have ZERO legal claim to anything about it.  You are sacrificing a lot and are going to be putting money into this house and it is HIS.  If he is willing to put you on as joint tenants with right of survivorship or get married and have it be tenants by the entireties then that is one thing.  But you just moving with him and living there by his good graces is nothing short of financial insanity.  You are making a major commitment here.  Time for him to put up or shut up.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

The way I view it I lose nothing more doing this then contining to pay rent on a place that doesn't belong to me either. But I end up in a place I'd rather be. I end up in a home I want to live in, with a man who makes me happy, and two children who I love dearly. The home isn't "his" anymore than it would be mine. The plan with this home is that it would be passed down to "his" children once we're done with it. If he dies tomorrow I wouldn't want to live there alone anyways. If he dies in 20+ years I have a 401K and retirement to look forward to.

Livingoutloud's picture

I said the same thing. Is she going to be official renter? Owner?

If not it’s insanity.

We’ve all been in love and made some questionable decisions based on that but this is going to be officially the most insane thing. No man is worth for a woman to make a fool of herself. No man is worth for a woman to lose all value of herself and give up her power and self respect and be a doormat like this. 

My answer to him would be when he is in a better financial shape or gets VA money and when we are officially married and are both legal owners of the property, I’ll move to the house. Until then I’d stay where I am at (get myself one bedroom or a studio) and he can go live in moms house alone. 

susanm's picture

Yup.  Put up or shut up, buddy!  

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I don't want to stay where I am and live alone. I want to go with him and should we break up a year from now I have the ability to cut and run. I'm not finically dependant or tied to him as it may seem. I have more freedom to leave than he does though I don't like that and it's one of the smaller reasons I'm pushing the VA. 

I'm not stupid. I know how much I make and how much I need to surive. I know what it would cost to move into my own place tomorrow. I can take the job that's down there. It would be a pay cut but doable. I just don't like it. I don't like the job I have now either but that's reality.   

I also have a 401K to protect my future. I could stop contributing to it if there were an emergency. If something extreme happens I can cash out or borrow from it.

I see the money I would be puting into the home no differen then the rent I'm paying now. If I move out tomorrow I get nothing from this appartment.

Livingoutloud's picture

 I know you are in a better financial shape than him and that’s part of the issue. He is reliant on you yet he’ll be the owner and you’ll be nobody supporting him so he can live in the house. Not good 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Very little difference from how I support him now except I'll live closer to the children like I want to. You're focusing on money.

I'm not saying this is financially smart. It's not but dating him at all isn't financially smart. Yes it will cost more but I don't care about that. I don't care about the money. Money is only as good as what you spend it on. Money in the bank is only good for the protrection it gives you or the joy you'll get for spending it however you do.

Livingoutloud's picture

Yes I do focus on money in your situation because unless you are independently wealthy money don’t grow on trees. Yes money is there to spend on things that bring you joy.  If spending on a man and his house  is bringing you joy, it’s fine. But you can’t not care about money. You already had

bankruptcy. You have to be very mindful. Moving in this house and paying for upkeep of it is going to be expensive. You can’t not care about it.

Many people have second bankruptsies because they don’t fix their attitude about money after first one. Part of the issue with your bankrupts was you supporting your first DH and now you are in the same cycle taking on other people’s responsibility. You’ll never get ahead if you take on more and more financial burden because of this man and now his house.  

My DH had bankruptcy because he lost his job and his ex refused to work. Then it snowballed. After the bankruptcy he made a huge change in his life first of all making sure he has a much better paid career, much more savings and that he’ll never date let alone marry someone who doesn’t pull their weight. And he did great. Now we both do great. For you to continue same pattern after bankruptcy and insist that you don’t care about money is very wrong. 

You are saying you don’t need money in the bank. You absolutely must save for rainy day instead of putting that money into someone else’s house. You need to focus on improving your life not going through the same cycle again. You have to try to get ahead and rebuild your life after traumatic bankruptsy. Not caring about money is a luxury you can’t afford

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

What does ahead mean? I like where I am now. We need to look into this and see if we can go in this direction. I want to if we can. That has nothing to do with me being on the title of the home. If we break up I can stablize and live on my own very easily. I'm not trying to collect all the money in the world. I have what I need. I have a place to live. My bills are paid. I'm not living on credit and I'm starting to save again.

My ex left me in a bad spot that I couldn't dig out of. Yes without SO I could have but with him I'm not going back into it.

If we break up I don't want the home. I have what I need.

Livingoutloud's picture

What I am saying maintaining house will cost you more than renting. Did you research that? Can you afford it? Unless you are wealthy you can’t not care about money 

not talking about break up. Can you afford maintaining that house now? SO only had 1k left after CS and he will take a pay cut so it will be even less, you need to eat, maintain your cars etc etc so you’ll have to maintain his house on your salary. Can you afford it? 

If you can afford it, then who are we to tell you not to.

We seem to all agree that’s a bad decision but it’s your life. I’d still want rent agreement and would not contribute to a maintenance of a house, only utility bills/rent etc i’d expect SO to find ways to pay for mantenance himself through VA or pay increase or his mom or whoever, not me. I’d also see a lawyer to make sure I am not doing something really stupid.

Other than that we can’t stop you from moving there 

mro's picture

Looking at it as a rental agreement would be a good way to go.  It's not so unusual for a couple - especially an unmarried one - to live in a home that only one of them owns. And people do rent houses.  It's just a little more complicated because of the increased maintenance required.  If it were me, I would figure out what the fair market rental value was and pay half.  The owners are responsible for taxes, insurance, major repairs and improvements.  They can decide together how the housekeeping and yard maintenance are taken care of.  In this way, OP is correct; it's no different than renting any other house, if that's what she wants.

Livingoutloud's picture

Thst would be fair and that’s what i suggested too. But that wouldn’t work this way. They are both low income earners but he makes next to nothing and will make even less with pay cut. He won’t be able to afford upkeep of the house. It will be all on OP, she says it’s ok with her. But we are concerned. In the past she said they’ll only move when he gers VA disability but wto knows when that’s going to happen 

Livingoutloud's picture

You just very recently said you work overtime to save to buy SO a car, prior to that you asked about driving Uber. Now you are saying you bought a car months ago. Not sure why you asked how to buy him a car if you already did.

Trust me if you only have 300 left after paying bills you shouldn’t become homeowners because if you think nothing will break in the house or there’ll be no extra expenses, you are wrong. You’d not be able to afford it, you two need to be in a better shape to own the house 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I'm working overtime and was thinking about uber becuase I want to pay down the loan faster. I also forgot to calcuate GAP insurance and small things like that. The payment is an extra 50 a month that we didn't plan. Now please note I didn't say we can't afford I said we didn't plan. We have more than 300 a month after paying bills. I'm just dumping all of that into the loan and the past few months had to use it to pay for the car registration.

We've also been using some of the extra funds to help buy the kids school supplies and new clothing. Took a small family vacation (less then 500), a couples weekend away (200ish). We have 3 birthdays coming up between the kids and my nephew. Holidays and I'd like to start planing a vaction for Spring Break. I also foresaw this coming and wanted to work harder while I can to put back some money.

We have more money then it seems and I have to constantly remind myself that becuase I'm alot more anxious about it than I should be. Thing were horrible before my bankruspty but doing it really fixed alot. I know that sounds bad but we were just keeping afloat back in January and now we're doning alot better. I just don't want to get complacent.

Livingoutloud's picture

The difference between renting an apartment and living in the house is that living in the house is much much more expensive unless of course you rent luxury apartment,  which you don’t.

Not only it would cost you more it would be much more physical work and housework than apartment as you need to maintain outside and inside. Plus you said your boyfriend has no use of 1/4 of his body and walks with a cane so ton of job will be on you.

In addition when you are on a lease you have official residency in the state. When you have no lease and no ownership, you have no official residency and you actually officially considered homeless. If you aren’t on any lease or deed etc and simply live in someone’s house, you don’t have residency and are homeless (at least that’s how it’s in my state). There are renters and there are owners, you’ll be neither 

So when you say renting is the same as living in someone else’s house, it’s not. Neither financially nor physically nor in terms of your rights nor your status. 

Don’t be naive. Yes wanting to be with a man is valid enough reason but it doesn’t mean you need to make naive choices. If everyone here thinks it’s silly so do people in real life. Go see a lawyer. Ask how wise is it 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

If SO and I move and we break up I wouldn't want to stay and I have the ability to go. You don't seem to get that I don't see this as an investment and I don't care about putting so much effort into it. I don't care about putting in extra money and having nothing a year from now. I have stablility I need to land on my feet and move on. I've done it once before and I'd be fine to do it again.

Livingoutloud's picture

I never said anything about investment.

While living in his house you’d be considered homeless, personally it’s not appealing to me. You’ll pay much more for the upkeep of his house and spend way more money and time on his house than if you rented. I’d not considerate such living arrangement stable. Spending much more money and time is ok if you are an owner. It makes no sense if you aren’t. If you set on moving, then I’d require formal lease agreement so I am officially a tenant and renting from him. I’d pay rent that doesn’t exceed what’s rent in the area 

of course if you don’t care spending your money and energy then it’s what it is. It’s not how most women your age I know would want to live but that’s choices you make 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I don't care about spending my time and energy. I've said that mulitple times. I know what I'm putting out and I know what I'm keeping. I have enough to land on my feet and that's what I care about. I don't care to come out ahead of things. I like where I am and I'm ok if it stays that way. I'm ok if I live in a small one bedroom by myself working for the little fun I have. I'm ok living with him and helping to raise two children and staying together in the home we're in.

Residancey doesn't work exactly like that here. If you "live" in a place which I would be able to prove since my name will be on the checks paying electric and such you have to go through the eviction process. I haven't been through this but I saw it with my last boyfriend and his room mate.

tog redux's picture

Well, you've gotten a lot of advice.

I'd crunch some numbers in terms of taxes (not every area has high property taxes, some are quite low, actually), upkeep and insurance. 

I too would be bothered by the idea that you get nothing out of the house in the end - even if you end up married, if you both need to go into assisted living in 60 years, you won't have the income from your house to help support you (I know no one thinks about getting old and decrepit in their 20s, but hey, it happens faster than you think) - you'll have to turn it over to (fill in the blank).  The kids might not want it, they may move far away.

I get the sentimentality of a family home (I was very sad when my parents sold the home they owned for 47 years), but financially, it makes no sense.

This would all make better sense if you didn't have to take a pay cut to live there.


Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I have a 401K to support me at the end of my life. I'm not depending on the sale of a home. Even if I bought my own tomorrow my plan would be to pass it on to another family member if not my own children. The location of the house doesn't make it an investment to sell later in life. It's a good home to live in but I don't see anyone getting more than 50,000 for it. The one I grew up in was one room smaller and is worth less than 30,000.

It's a HOME not a HOUSE. It's a place to live with the family I want to live with. If that family doesn't work out I walk away free and clear with the ability to land on my feet and move on. I don't need to be a millionaire.

susanm's picture

Wait - a place that is so important to keep in the family that is valued at $50k?  Are you sure about that?  Because if that is accurate, either it is the middle of East Nowhere or it needs so much work that your weekends are planned out for you for the next 5 years.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

No it's in the south where standard income isn't 100K+ a year. An middle cost home where we live now (which does cost more) goes for about 250K. An hour from here where it's located in a not so amazing part of town? 50K is a good price.

The value to keep it in the family isn't becuase of how much it's worth. It's becuase it's a family home. It's becuase it's stayed in the family for so long and been passed along like it has been. That's why family can walk away like they do. Because it's not worth fighting over to sell.

This home isn't about investing in our future. It's about being able to live the present life we want. Being able to go to the kids sports. Being able to have them over on Thursday night for dinner. Being there for them.

susanm's picture

Have you checked the schools?  If $50k is a good price for a house then there is NO tax base for funding anything - schools, roads, police and fire.  

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

The kids currently go to school there. They are fine. Are they the best? No. I would much prefer they go to school where we currently live but that wont happen becuase BM has primary.

We live in the south. Things are ALOT cheaper than other locations. My mother for example lives very comfortable on VA disability.

Roads are ok. Police are decent (even more so when you're buddy buddy with them). Fire does it's job. I grew up behind the police and fire station. Maybe 3 cop cars for a town of 1700 and one was always parked. Local jail had maybe 3 cells.

This place is bigger but not that much. Each grade has maybe 50 to 70 kids. High school graduates 200 max a year? It's a typical small town.

Livingoutloud's picture

I kind of agree that what kind of houses cost 30k and 50k and they want to keep these houses in the families? Is it a trailer? Or is it a total fixer upper? Would these kind of houses even survive to be passed down to next generations? I’d certainly not move there until it’s properly appraised and evaluated. Dang... 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

No it is not a trailer and no it is not a fixer upper. The family has maintained it well. SO and BM lived in it before she left and he couldn't afford it alone so it went back to his mom. He used what they would have paid in rent to maintain the home. Yes more has been put into it over the MANY years it's been lived in then it's worth. It's really an interesting home becuase while it's updated there are still signs that show how old it is.

Like I said above. The home has a newer roof. The foundation was checked in the past 10 years. The appliances are new (this year) and the bathroom redone (last year?). The inslation was just checked.

Homes easily cost less than 100K around that area. My parents got ours for less than 30K and it's not worth that any more.

It's a good home in a poorer area. There aren't alot of people running to live there but people who live there tend to stay. There are alot of old homes just like it. There are also alot of homes that were like it that aren't so well taken care of. It's not a finical investment. It wouldn't be something I'd buy if I planned to sell.

Livingoutloud's picture

Honestly if houses are that dirt cheap by you, I’d wait when you two are married and hopefully have VA money or better salary or maybe not even need that and just buy a house together that you both own. If houses are that affordable I’d not go live in someone else’s houses with no rights but wait a bit longer and buy my own so whatever I contribute would be towards my own home.  I had no idea it’s so inexpensive

again nothing to do with investment but why live in other peoples houses if you can live in your own . 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Becuase I don't want to own my own. I have absolutely no desire to own a home but will go with SO to this one. If we break up I'll happily go back to renting.

Merry's picture

I get the emotional attachment to a family home. But I bet sooner or later nobody in the family will want it. Then it will either have to be sold or left to crumble. And whomever sells it will be a schmuck. And walk away with the cash. 

I wouldn’t touch it, but that’s me. And I will need the equity from my beautiful house when I move to the old folks’ home. That’s closer every day. 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, I don't get this at all. But when I was in my 20s and 30s, I too felt like retirement was years away and I'd be fine - as I get closer,  I count every 50K as necessary, and hope I don't outlive what I have, or need long-term care.

But anyway, she's made clear that this is her position and no one is going to talk her out of it.  I don't get it, but to each their own. Owning homes is crazy expensive and really not worth it on a low income, hope they can make it work.

Livingoutloud's picture

I understand not worrying about retirement when young. My DD doesn’t either. But then I’d make sure I enjoy my life now and get the most out of it. My DD has been traveling all over the world, heck why not. So do my nephews. They are young. Will worry about old age and savings later on.

If I was young and was low income I’d spend my money on different degree that would ensure I have a better life style. I’d not put my hard earned money into upkeeping someone else’s house, not even in a good area. All while my boyfriend doesn’t even do his part the right way. Nope. Ain’t happening. I hope none of it bites OP in the butt. I hope she doesn’t get burned again. 

tog redux's picture

It's one thing to not worry, it's another to make poor financial choices, especially when you know you are doing it.

Livingoutloud's picture

Oh for sure. But sometimes choosing something enjoyable over saving could be ok. Especially when young. Life is too short. My DD makes decent money and has ton of vacation time so while she is still young and don’t have kids she chooses to explore the world. I think it’s wise. Can’t take people’s memories away. It’s forever. 

If she was low income and spend money on stupidity or on other people I’d feel different. My DD has zero debt. She is better than me in that sense lol 

tog redux's picture

That's not necessarily a poor financial decision if she can afford it - I'm talking more about throwing money at a house with no equity - and it's not the same as renting, really.