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Bring on the summer

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Last summer BM threw a fit about my partner getting the full 6 weeks visitation. This year she can’t seem to get rid of them quickly enough.

I’m a little worried honestly. BM is talking about spend the summer with her father who she already lives within walking distance of. I’m worried that she may be losing her place. Honestly this has been a concern of ours for a while. She moved in with the last guy she hocked up with but then he moved out. It’s a nice place, at least 3 bedrooms, big yard, good neighborhood….. And somehow she’s paying for it and a new car on less than what I make alone? We can barely maintain a two bedroom apartment without car payments. By no means do I want her to lose the place but she’s burning through money much faster then she can be earning it. She makes low enough that the kids are getting free lunch and insurance so again… it’s not adding up?

Then again she also used the man as free child care so she can go party and prevent SO from seeing the kids. She may just be saying the kids will be with him this summer. However, that’s a problem too. The man’s health is getting much worse. He should have been placed in a home last year but doing that meant they’d lose his home and the free babysitter. Anyways with his health getting worse he’s starting to refuse to keep the little one because he can’t control the child.

Anyways here my worry. I feel that once grandpa puts his foot down BM will go ahead and let SO keep them more. As much as she likes to punish him she enjoys partying more.

Don’t get me wrong I truly love having the children but they cost. If we have them for two weeks SO’s child support gets reduced but I can see her leaving them with us for over a week but less than two so she can still get  her full pay check.

I also see her trying to demand SO handle all the driving since she’s “offering” him more time.

I don’t want to say the kids can’t stay but we’re working really hard to get ourselves set up to move soon. Driving the kids back and forth cost quite a chunk of money. Keeping them more than every other weekend raises all of our bills. I mean it may not seem like much but it’s double the laundry and showers, extra electricity for their bedroom which is closed when they aren’t with us and the biggest cost is food.

I don’t really know if there is anything we can do. I won’t tell him we can’t keep them. I want them. I know if we have them more and keep the records it will also help us in the future. It’s just going to hurt in the short run. UGH.


Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I don’t see my partner turning down extra time with his children. Nor would I ask him to. We only get to see the kids every other weekend. When school starts back up at most we could have them every weekend. Summer is a chance to really get to see them. If he tells her no then of course she will tell the kids “dad doesn’t want you”. On top of that she’ll take that to court when we ask for 50/50 and show them that she tried to give him more time but he refused.

We’d love to move by the end of July but being realist it’s looking like the end of December. We need his VA to come through so we have deposits and such. We’re running out of time for me to end my lease. Good chance I’ll resign then a week later his VA will be accepted but that’s ok. We’ll use those extra months to save up a bit more since we’ll need to furnish another bedroom.

We can watch them. That’s not a problem at all. At no time would they have to be alone because of our work schedules. The only thing is the extra cost. I don't even have an issue with them being there because we don't do anything that we can't postpone or take them with us. If we really need time out my mom is willing to take them for a few hours or even over night once or twice over the summer but really we're mostly homebodies anyways and the kids give us something to do. If we have her handle driving then it shouldn’t be too bad. If he has to do all the driving that’s 40 every time she wants him to keep them for whatever amount of time. In my eyes if he’s keeping them really it’s to help her so she needs to do all the driving. He shouldn’t even be required to do pick up since it’s him taking over her parenting time.

I love dogs's picture

My concern is the cost for you. I know you would like to take advantage of having them more, I didn't mean that you didn't. I just know that in these warped BM's minds that they think everyone owes them something and at this point if she offers you more time, it's only to benefit HER, and hopefully, her poor father.

Document every extra minute that you have. I hope that you can move sooner rather than later. I think that she needs to be at least meeting you half way if she is giving you extra time because she can't handle her own kids or can't support them.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I intend to keep it documented and yeah. We really wanted it to be the end of summer but realistically it will be December and honestly we’re 95% sure that it will happen. I’m at the end of my rope with work anyways and on the verge of quitting every day so I want out. I already know there’s another place for me there and SO is promised a job whenever he wants it. We just really want to try and wait for his VA because with it we only move once. Without it we have to get a small place then move into a bigger.

I explained below why I feel she should do all the transportation. I think since she’d only do it to benefit her then she can at least do that.

Maybe if she hadn’t refused the last time he asked and flat out told him it was to punish him we’d see differently. But we all know this extra time would have nothing to do with him or the best interest of the kids. It’s all about her getting to go play.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

My thought is that if she’s offering him extra time it’s not out of the goodness of her heart. It never has been and she will always turn him down when he asks just because she can. This is purely when it’s convenient for her. When she’s tired of playing mom.

So like I said if she’s asking him to take them extra it’s because grandpa is refusing to watch them and she doesn’t want to pay a babysitter.

So she can do the transportation. Since he’s taking over her parenting time and her responsibility then she can at least do that much. If she’d let him keep them when he asks it would be different. If she’d let us keep them for the full 2 weeks then that would be great to. But that’s not what will happen. It also doesn’t help that we played this game two summers ago when she’d deny him their pre agreed on time because she was mad then try calling him the next day at 10PM demanding he come get the kids or else.

Also with our work schedules us going to pick them up whenever she calls would be difficult if not impossible. It’s an hour drive there then another hour back. He works long overnight shifts now and HAS to have his jeep. I also work and can’t pick them up in my car so I’d have to take my mom’s which means working around her schedule and paying more in gas then if I take his jeep.

Knowing her she'd con her sister into driving them to us anyways. She already has her doing all the pick ups becuase she works.

I love dogs's picture

I can see her sister doing all of the driving if she sees that SHE should provide transportation since it is benefiting her, but she will never admit it. If she doesn't want to arrange to have skids brought to you, she will just blame your SO for being a "bad dad" any way. I am telling you- there is no winning!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

No there's not but there will be documentation.

It comes down to ability also. Like I pointed out. We can't just jump when she wants to go get the kids. It's just not possible.

StepMamaBear6's picture

So our attorney said to buy a calendar solely for the tracking of overnight visits. Label it custody calendar and mark each day you have them, what days you pick them up at and the time, and what days they are returned to their mother (and the time to show what meals were paid for.). Do it faithfully and write down extemporaneous things that occur on those days with the kids to remind you of when you had them, what you did and such to jog your memory in the event BM says you didn’t have them. We used this to get full custody of the kids since she was supposed to have them 8 days a month and she wouldn’t take them 2 days.