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(LONG) Teenagers suck

DarkStar's picture

And I know this.....I KNOW this, I get it.  I was a nightmare of a teenager for a while....drinking, smoking cigarettes, promiscuous.....but I was always a good student and a cheerleader to boot, go figure.  I also witnessed SDnow20s descent and ascent from teenaged hell, so yesyesyes, they all suck.  SD15 was a very sweet, kind little girl and then....puberty and teenaged-years hit.  This little girl that used to get up from the dinner table just to give me a hug has turned into a sullen, lazy, selfish, self-absorbed, LYING teenager who is currently flunking 3 classes.

You'll need to read back blogs to get the full story, but in a nutshell:  FDH and I have been together (minus a couple of brief breakups) for 8 years.  Engaged last year, moved in together in January this year.  I have no children, just my furloveys...a dog and cat.  Divorced since 2007, my ex is a non-issue, haven't even seen him in years.  FDH has had full custody of skids for 7 years now, skids visit BM on most weekends.  She's a lazy sloth that doesn't do jack for the skids, but generally no issues or drama, for which I am VERY grateful.  SDstb20-in college, living with long term boyfriend, some struggles here and there, but altogether WAY TO GO SD!!!!  I read my back blogs and had to laugh, she has come a LONG way.  SD15, the original subject of today.  SSstb14.  Autistic, the biggest challenge to us, our lives, and our relationship so far (again, back blogs for full story) but he is not today's subject.

I've had a recent realization that I have barrelled my way into SD15s day-to-day life this year.  So I've stepped back and let FDH handle it as he sees fit.  I can hear y'all already...DUH DARKSTAR!!!!!  Yes, yes, I know......but I had the BEST of intentions, you see????  Har, har.  I've made a bunch of mistakes, and now I see them more clearly and have already started rectifying the situation.  So, back to how teenagers suck and how FDH is handling it and how it is driving me CRAZY (which is a pretty short trip, nowadays).

Grades/homework - Tuesdays are now "Terrible Tuesdays" (TT).  It's the day that emails are sent to the parents listing the subjects and homework assignments that were not turned in from the previous week(s).  SD15 ALWAYS has a massive list.  The excuses flow like goose poo.  "I forgot to turn it in" "The teacher doesn't update the grades" "The portal is wrong" etc etc etc.  All excuses her older sister used, BTW, so we all know it's BS for the most part.  So the school year has worked like this.....weekends are free for all at BMs, no homework done there.  Monday, nothing.  TT rolls around, FDH gets the list, loses his mind, SD is made to sit at the table all evening and do her homework.  Repeat this for Wednesday, but usually Thursday/Friday all is forgotten and so begins next week's cycle of no homework/TT.  Far be it from ME to suggest anything that might break this cycle *sarcasm*  So, now I just pop my popcorn and watch the show. Well, the proverbial poo has hit the fan, and FDH got a letter in the mail informing him that SD15 is failing 3 classes.  And, another letter stating she owes $140 in lost book/library fines.  FDH has now told SD15 that she will not be a member of cult, excuse me, show choir, next year if she gets anything below a B for this grading period.  Normally, I would think then she's screwed, it's way too late in the year to bring the grades up that much, but of course, our school systems now allow make-ups, re-takes, and re-re-takes so it may be possible for her to pull this off.  FDH had a late business dinner to attend last night, but he is having what should be a very interesting convo with SD15 on her way to school regarding her French teacher.  There has been a sub for most of this term cuz regular teacher is on maternity leave.  So the excuses of "the sub doesn't know what she's doing" have been aflowing.  This email yesterday sealed SD's fate.  Among other things, the sub says "The task today was very basic as were the questions.  Instead of working with her partner, SD was busy drawing. I tried to redirect her and encourage her to work with her partner as he knew the answers. She put her drawing aside, but did not put forth very much effort. During the last part of class, they were to reread the first chapter with a partner or to work on the vocabulary. She was not on task."  I told FDH to give me the update today! 

Selfish/laziness - I do laundry for the household. It's my chore zen. I recently stopped doing SD's laundry for a month due to her failure to keep food wrappers out of her room, not putting dirty clothes in basket, repeated crusty/bloody underwear, etc. The month is almost up and SD has done NONE of her own laundry except for one small load that FDH made her do.  No more laundry for SD.  One of her friends told her the other day that she smelled like Fritos! LOL.  FDH's bday was last month. I reminded her, her sister reminded her, it was on the calendar, AND she had a reminder on her phone.  NOPE, totally blew it off.  And when I gave FDH the card he received in the mail from SD20, and said "Happy BDAY" the little snot just lowered her head and said NOTHING.  FDH got up from the dinner table and with my most SCARY you-are-in-trouble look, and the low, controlled scary voice I told her, "You WILL get up, give your Dad a hug, apologize, and tell him Happy Birthday. He does EVERYTHING for you and your selfishness is unacceptable. You need to pull your head out of your a$$ and start being an active member of this family instead of a TAKER. I don't care if you're embarrassed, you should be.  You will get out of your comfort zone and DO this or so help me......"  Did she say anything to her dad? NOPE. She did cry the rest of the night, too freakin bad.  So I am DONE with the little snot.  No favors, no more special makeup or hair products, no more clothes, and she's getting an etiquette book for Christmas this year.
I am pleasant to her, and we had a very nice girl-talk last night, so I'm sure she thinks this has all blown over, but oh NO. This will bite her in the butt for as long as she wants to be a selfish, self-absorbed brat.

If you have made it through this novel, I thank you.  Feel MUCH better getting that off my chest!



JanRebecca's picture

It's amazing how just getting it out can help! I have no teenagers so no advice  but I think you did the right thing!

Harry's picture

To take charge of his DD.  Make her do her school work, do her  laundry  and be a nice person.

Untill  then there will be NO phone, internet, and must come home right after school. With no going out 

Ispofacto's picture

This SD is wayyy too old to have other people doing her laundry.  It is a life skill she needs to learn.

I don't know if it is because I went to a very challenging school, but I had a crapton of homework every week, and there is no way I could have gotten it all done not doing some on the weekends.  Failing school is not an option, so her useless BM needs to receive a homework list every weekend and see that it gets done.  If BM cannot accomplish that, her time needs to be reduced during the school year.

Cooooookies's picture

Oh I'll agree whole heartedly - teenagers suck!  I've said that many times here and to my DH.  I don't understand them at all.  At least with toddlers, they act out because they can't figure out how to communicate as quickly as they would like.   They are also self centric but they are YOUNG so it's understandable and not very hard to steer them in a better direction.

Teenagers though, OMG!  Why they have to be driveling snout beasts whilst transforming into adulthood I will never understand!  IMO there's no justified need for it.  They are tolerable at best when they're your own child.  Then the added punishment of a skid teenager is just too much to take.

I'd gladly give SS15 away for free if it were up to me.  UGH!  I feel your pain OP.