The Spy in my house
It's been a while since I have blogged because things were relatively quiet. We are still having some problems with SD12's behavior. She still is messy and sneaky, which make it very difficult for me to live with her. I am extremely OCD and can't stand the messes she makes. Plus, when DH makes her clean up, it takes her hours to clean up a mess that should take only a few minutes. I am lucky because DH stays on her about it and is making her be responsible and own her behavior.
My biggest problem comes from the fact that she has recently been allowed to start visitation and phone contact with BM again. For those of you who haven't read my blogs, BM lost custody of her kids for a while. She wasn't allowed to call or visit with either SD. My SD14 (was 12 when this started) was sent to live with DH's aunt becasue she can't live with us anymore. My DH was involved (and still is) in her counseling sessions and trying to undo years of PAS. SD14 is now living with BM again so that has made things difficult and she has stopped trying to work things out with him. And SD12 is now allowed to visit BM over the whole summer and most school holidays. She also gets to contact BM on the phone each day.
When BM was out of the picture, SD12 was very respectful of our boundaries and was starting to really change. Since she has restarted contact, she has completely regressed and is back to being whiny and doing bad in school. But the biggest problem is that she has become BM's little spy again. She tells BM everything that happens in our house and even was caught sending her pics and videos of my house and my kids (after she was told not too).
I get so annoyed at DH because it bothers him but he doesn't know how to stop it. Nothing seems to work. I have no privacy in my own home. It went so far that I overheard BM ask SD12 to listen at our bedroom door and report any weird noises that she heard. That just really bothered me. DH wanted to just brush it off and say who cares if BM knows we have a healthy sex life. I just don't look at it that way. DH is now upset as he has realized I now refuse to have any relations with him at all while SD12 is in the house.
Also, we just found out I am pregnant. We are keeping it a secret until 13 weeks because I had a miscarriage two years ago and SD told BM who then announced it to DH's family who didn't even know we were pregnant. My miscarriage became a topic of discussion before we had a chance to deal with it. So we are walking on eggshells about it. I just hate that we have to keep things such a big secret. We even have to hide financial things because she will relate what we spend on things to her mom. DH caught her looking through our billing statements and she asks what things cost each time that we buy anything.
I feel like I can't be myself in my own house. I know that there is nothing that we can do about it. DH has had numerous talks with her about and has even punished her for not following the rules. But nothing seems to help. Does anyone else deal with this? Any tips on how to handle it and not lose your mind?