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SD 19 saying she wants to die - what should I do?

CLove's picture

Recap: Toxic Feral Eldest is a miserable human being. She has said in the past "I should just kill myself" and it seemed like a way to guilt trip her parents, and now she is no contact with myself and DH, but lives with BM, Toxic Troll. She has falsley accused multiple people of multiple things.

I poke around instagram today, notice she has liked a photo that munchkin posted. Of course I click. And click around curious as to what she has been up to, etc. So, I get to something she has posted about "I just really want to die". This was a few days ago. A few days before that munchkin heard her singing in the apartment.

So, do I:

1. Let DH know what is going on with the posts?

2 Ask munchkin to check in with her sister, warning her that I am not to be mentioned, or

3. Leave her all alone, and completely shut my trap about it.

As some might know, suicide is a real trigger for me.

Any thoughts, advice would be appreciated



tog redux's picture

1. or 3., but NOT 2.  Munchkin should not be put in that position.

If it's on her Instagram, probably hordes of people have seen it. And she's 19.  I'd tell DH, let him do what he wants about it.

CLove's picture

because I am out of things, truly but she caused a lot of trauma.

Yes, hopefully someone following her reached out. Shes still alive or we would have heard something from Toxic Troll.

SweetPotato's picture


CLove's picture

No reaction, however.

ndc's picture

I would say #1.  #2 isn't fair to Munchkin.  #3 would leave you with immense guilt if the feral one kills herself.  After you tell your DH, completely disengage.  No need to follow up or become involved, and don't look at her Instagram or other social media anymore.  

susanm's picture

Tell your FH and then back off.  You are not a trained professional who can sort through what is real and what is not and this is a trigger for you personally.  If her parents think it is necessary they will get her help.  Unfortunately suicidal posting has become "fashionable" in a sick attention seeking fad.  Don;t get sucked into it.

CLove's picture

if its become common.

Gwynnafaye's picture

My son took his life 5 months ago - I can't believe it's already been 5 months.    Please don't brush this off.  The pain that you, your DH and Munchkin would feel is unbearable.  The hurt, guilt, and questions will eat you alive.  Trust me on that.  

CLove's picture

My brother took his own life at the age of 14 back in 95. The emotions you are going through, that you described. I believe you, I too lived it.

A few years back, I told Feral One about it, and she used it against me during arguments saying "no wonder your brother took his life, I would too if I had you as a sister."

She often used it against me. To hurt me. She is extremely mean, narcissistic and selfish. I do take it seriously, however. You never know what someone will do.

Step-girlfriend's picture

#1. She may be a terrible person but imagine if DH’s daughter actually committed suicide and you saw the post but said nothing. That is not a situation you want to be in, and even though there’s a good chance it’s a cry for attention, that’s not a gamble I would want to take. The least you can do is tell him and let him do with it what he will. You may know she’s a terrible person and even hate her, but You can still have some basic human compassion. Be better than her! THEN ignore her.

CLove's picture

I agree - basic human empathy. And I must back off her social media.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

She's a sh!t stirring drama filled pig WHO LIVES WITH HER MOTHER. Mommy is right down the hall if Feral needs support.

Leave it alone.

elkclan's picture

If my partner saw something like this and did not tell me and then my child came to harm - even just hesistation marks on his wrist, I'm not sure I could forgive. 

Chmmy's picture

I should just kill myself. Ive heard those words from both SDs. I know its just bull to get daddy to say no honey please dont. He said to SD19 go ahead. I did interupt that fight and make him stop. That was wrong of DH to say that. He called her bull but not ok to go that far.

Putting this bull on insta is a cry for attention not help. I would let it go and ignore but then of course regret if it happens. I find when people kill themselves their cries for help are not on insta. My ex kiled himself 4 yrs ago. myself, my children, his mother, his girlfriend of 13 yrs, all of us had no clue. SD obvs has issues but I doubt she is ready to kill herself. It's sad because you never know til it happens how someone is feeling.

Keep us updated. Im curious what you do and how he reacts if you tell him. Is Munchkin your bio? I agree with an above poster she shouldnt get involved.

notsobradybunch's picture


This happened with SD years ago. I was putting some clothing on her dresser and saw a note. I do believe it was left to be noticed...I wasn't snooping. But it had different messages written all over the paper about that she wanted to die. I called DH immediately and we got her into counseling the next week. Our theory was it was better to be safe than sorry. She wasn't found to be suicidal though (thank goodness) it was just for attention. Which she got.

beebeel's picture

My Sd16 posts crap like this every few weeks or so and has for years. I tried getting the girl help. Her father tried. She wants nothing to do with us, so her cries for help go ignored by her bm. It seems like a common way for girls to get attention these days. While I definitely think she needs help, the types don't actually plan to commit suicide. She's manipulating someone with these posts.

thinkthrice's picture

"I double dog dare you!"

"I'd like to see that!"

"is that a threat or a promise?"

Sorry I'm just in a snarky mood today.  I've signed up for "informed delivery" and can see a letter from both YSS's school AND a letter from the court district of Girhippoville.   GRRR!!!

CLove's picture

Went through my head. I still have anger and resentment towards her.