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Never say no to me, by Teen Queen

ChiefGrownup's picture

Friday pickup SDnow15 lets her monster self shine through. She starts being foul toward both me and ss13 for no reason whatsoever. As usual.

So I shut her down. Not having it. She keeps talking back. Of course. Don't care, not having it. DH supports me. Then she starts in with the red face crocodile tears. I said, "we're on to you, the tears don't affect us." Or words to that effect, don't remember exactly.

She responds, "All of this overwhelms me." Like she's the biggest victim in the world. Like being told "no" is the worst abuse a mean young lady can go through. Like her emitting therapy-speak is supposed to remind us to shrink ourselves back down to proper tiny minion size for her to kick around.

I responded to that, "Your behavior all the time overwhelms ME." It actually shut her up and made her hit the reverse button on the crocodile tears.

Too funny.

One of the things she said that got her in trouble in the first place was her snarking at me while I was interacting with ss13. She tried to intervene and take control of the interaction. At some point I told her "you're not the boss of him so just mind your own business." Again, words to that effect, can't remember exactly. A few moments went by peacefully when she shoots out into the calm, "You're not the boss, either." To me.

I rose up like a looming Disney villain and said, "Oh, yes, in my own home I most certainly am the boss." This is when it devolved into her tears and being "overwhelmed."

All of this on the evening before a big adventure planned for her for her birthday and including her ever-lovin' boyfriend. Planned by....oh, yeah, stupid stepmother. It was her 16th birthday, her mother already effed it up, I couldn't help myself. And I get treated like this. As usual.


ChiefGrownup's picture

The thing is I speak clearly and firmly to her, when I speak to her at all. When her parents call her out on something, it's a rare occurrence to begin with, but also filled with so much blather and arguing and backing down she really is caught short when someone just flat out says "no," "stop," or "don't care." But it also has the magical effect of making her behave better and get in a better mood shortly thereafter. The parents' way always gets the parents nowhere and usually leaves the kid sullen.

kathc's picture

Because children actually WANT and need boundaries and rules! They react when a firm line is drawn because they KNOW how to react to that. All these pansy ass "parents" who want to be buddies with their kids and just have a little chat instead of making rules and holding them to it are screwing these kids up!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Could not agree with you more. I've been saying that since I met her at 12. She's looking for the limit and she never finds it. You put it in perfect context. In an endless sea of possibilities, her young mind doesn't know what to do. She would feel safer and more confident if adults who care about her told her where the boundaries are.

Reminds me of sailors from thousands of years ago: stick to the Mediterranean where you can see the sea shore. Out past it, "here be dragons." For a little girl in a big grownup world, it would be comforting to be able to see the sea shore instead of the dragons.

pinkb's picture

My favorite (NOT) is when these "parents" ask their kids permission to parent.

- "When might you have time to clean your room?"
- "When might you be free to do your homework?"
- "Where would you like us all to have dinner?" (<= acceptable on birthdays or graduation or some special event only)

Or, my all time favorite... suggesting the kid orders before the ladies at a nice dinner. MAYBE for a little girl. But, not for an adult BOY step child in the presence of several other ladies.

Monchichi's picture

No = nuclear meltdown with Chucky. Screaming, hurling insults and when that fails he just defies you. He used to thrive on the boundaries and home life we have.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Yup, that's it. I'm the only one who ever flat out says no to her. At 16 she has finally gained some self-control--plus my major come to jesus meetin' with her at 14 helped--but she tried a more sophisticated tactic with the therapy-speak this time. It was outrageous, distasteful, and funny all at the same time.