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Child Supprt Concerns

Chance3312's picture

Is there a way I can find out what my son's mother is using my child support payments for? She doesn't work. She's gets about $500 in food stamps a month, she lives with her parents and doesn't pay rent. Her husband is currently in Federal Prison, and about $140,000 was released to her when he was first incarcerated. Plus, I pay her about $600 in child support every month and our son is on my insurance so he gets free healthcare. She also drops my son off at my folks house to stay for over half the week and according to them, she doesn't give them any money so they end up paying for all his food while he's there. And for some reason my mother keeps calling me up asking if I can either send her money or if I can buy and mail him underwear that fits. Sometimes it's  pants, shoes, or jackets. I'm genuinely curious, what is she using the money for? During his visit to me last summer, his Mom only packed him size 2T when he was a 4T. So my wife went out and bought him an entirely new wardrobe.

My ex has a drinking problem and went to rehab for it, and she also spent 45 days in jail this past winter due to her 2 aggravated DUIs. So yes, I am a bit skeptical for what she could be using the money for. I just don't understand how she's not using any of the money to buy him clothes that fit.

Comments

Chance3312's picture

I thought I'd heard differentky In the past but i must've heard wrong. Thank you 

ladybug3's picture

I'd say take her back to court and get your parents to testify about how much time your son spends with them. You may be able to get more timesharing, or possibly reduced support. But yeah like hereiam said the courts don't care what CS pays for.

Chance3312's picture

I guess now i just need to figure out what to do. Obviously I can't let my son walk around in clothes too small, but i can't keep paying extra all the time when I'm already sending his Mom money.

Iamwoman's picture

I agree with the above that your only option is to prove that she doesn't have her son most of the time, and ask for more time with him, and then your CS obligation might be reduced or eliminated (do not verbalize that as your goal though).

The Maggot Queen (my skids' mother) has spent $108,000 in CS over the past 9 years... but almost none of it on the children. There is nothing we can do about it unless we want full custody of skids, which we don't at this point, because she has alienated them and destroyed any chance they had at normal relationships with DH and me.

Chance3312's picture

I don't mind paying what I'm paying and I don't necessarily want my child support to be reduced, but at the same time my wife and I do not want sole custody of him. I'm in a similar boat. My ex has conditioned him to hate our family and our daughter (his half sister) so were currently keeping his visitation to here to minimum.

justmakingthebest's picture

If that is the case you need to step back. Send the CS. Tell your parents to tell her no if they don't want to keep him. Clothes are part of CS. Let go of the feeling of needing to contribute more. Unless you want to fight for custody, you just have to let it go.

tog redux's picture

You or your parents could get cheap, thrift store clothes for him to keep at their house, but that's about all you can do, unless any of this is CPS reportable. 

By the way, the clothes thing is a common issue - someone once said they figured this was BM's way of getting them to buy new clothes so she didn't have to.

hereiam's picture

Refuse to send anything extra to the grandparents and they may magically find their spines and start telling BM no

Definitely this^^^^.

Sorry, but if your parents are going to keep letting BM drop the kid off with them, they can feed him, they have no business asking you for money or even clothes. They can ask BM.

I get the clothes thing but you are paying CS and BM should be buying him clothes.

I have nothing against thrift stores, I use them myself, but BM over here bought thrift store clothes that didn't fit, weren't for the right season, or whatever. We had a few nice things for my SD to wear at our house (so she wouldn't look like an orphan) but other than that, we had to let it go. DH did not buy her entire wardrobes to compensate for BM's selfishness.

BM in your situation has gotten used to the status quo and will continue on as long as you (and your parents) do.

Chance3312's picture

When we do go shopping for him, my wife will generally buy him one very nice pair of shoes, one very nice jacket, a decent pair of pants and everything else she gets at discount stores. In the past my mother said that she kept all of those clothes at her house and would not send him back to his mothers with them. But when my dad watches him, he packs everything in a bag and then my mother never sees those clothes again.

Thumper's picture

Maybe it is high time you told the court your ex is a looser and fight for custody of your boy.

In the mean time tell you parents to 1. ask BM for cash not you and 2. put your son back in the same clothing the" mother of the year" sent him in.

GoodLuck

 

Chance3312's picture

Have you not read any of my responses or other blogs? I have fought for custody. It amazes me how much the court's are willing to look past because "she's showing that she's trying." I'm baffled that I, someone who has a decent paying steady job, full healthcare coverage for my entire family including my son, a nice house, no criminal background, and a wife who's not crazy and had a career in child development, am not the more fit parent. Last time i filed for shared custody, I was told that it was rejected because she had gone to rehab for her alcoholism, which showed that she was trying to better herself.  ??? How is that logical? Our judicial system is flawed.

Thumper's picture

You fought for shared custody---???? you were denied? Do you mean Equal Shared Residential custody? Equally split time between you and moty? Example, 1week with you, next week with mom, next week you, next week mom

Yes, our system is flawed. 

Chance3312's picture

I petitioned for out of state joint custody. I've filed for parental rights and for legal visitation, since nothing had been set up after paternity was confirmed. I also filed for Emergency Custody a year ago when we were informed that a drug dealer put a "hit" out on BMs house because her husbabd owed someone money. I was denied. Not sure why, but the judge suggested that I refile for regular shared custody...which was also denied. My guess is because i live out of state, but i don't actually know 100%.  The other previous petions were denied because there needed to be a mutual agreement between BM and I and she refuses to go back to court. She says that since she lets me see him whenever I want, which is not true, there's no need to go back to court. 

bananaseedo's picture

Man, harpies are pms'ing in full force today!  Listen OP, you don't have to explain to us why you didn't 'fight harder' -most of these women find it entirely acceptable for men to sell their very own souls and new families for the ill-behaved mistake...it is what it is.  

I would have a tough talk w/your dad about NOT sending the clothes, in fact your mom should just lock them up. Get another batch of things at goodwill for this year, won't be a problem next year since they are moving.