Late to post.  We were down in TX visiting SS8 and SS7 during Mother's Day weekend.  We got to BM2's house on Friday about 20 minutes before the bus came.  We went inside and hung out.  BM2 was upstairs working, so we just hung out downstairs.  BM2 and Stepdad have a daughter who is about 3 who loves to chat on facetime when we're talking to the boys and knows us.  She came down and hung out and played with me, she's very sweet.

When the boys got home we all met them at the bus stop.  When we got back they had a present for me!  BM2 had taken them shopping for me, and they got me a citrus scented candle and chocolates.  I was pretty blown away; BM2 has never done anything like that for me and it was a really nice gesture.

We had booked this trip with BM's OK and neither us nor BM realized it was Mother's Day weekend!  We offered to take the boys back for a bit for brunch but BM was out of town until later in the day, so we kept them.  We were swimming and then went to a ninja warrior kids gym and were having so much fun we completely forgot to call BM.  I felt SO BAD.  She sent a text about how she was sad we didn't have them call, abd we both felt awful.  DH sent an apology text about how she is completely right and he's sorry and all was OK.  We got her a small gift and a card the boys drew, and a big bouqet of flowers which made her day when we dropped them off. 

SD18 texted me Happy Mother's Day, which was sweet.

At the end of the night when we were laying in bed, DH said "I was just thinking....should I have done something for you with the boys for Mother's Day?  I didn't even think of it."  In truth, I hadn't really thought of it either, since I'm not their mom.  I said "It maybe would have been nice if there was a card, but I'm not that upset since I'm not their mom". 

I have a close relationship with all skids, and I refer to them as my stepkids, but I really don't think of myself as a "mom".  I am more with the boys than the girls, since they are so much older, and the boys have known me since they were 2 and 3 years old. I was a bit sad during the day because it is just another year that I'm not a mother, and getting no closer to being one.  I'm trying not to care, but it is really affecting me.  I shed a few tears at least once a day...usually when I see a cute kid and mom about my age at the park next to our dog park, or thinking about how my best friend is pregnant and helping her with everything.  If this promotion comes through in the next few months, my income will substantially increase and I hope to consider trying.

DH just found out today that the new job he has is ending;  the guy who hired him bought an insurance agency and isn't moving forward with the startup.  He already paid him for the month.  It sucks, but at least he had 2 months of good pay for us to put in the bank.  It is about 5 months of child support.  We've talked about him being a stay at home dad.  He says he could, but I know he won't be fulfilled and honestly I don't know how good he would be at taking care of an infant full time. 

I don't know what the next step is.  Our whole life is 1 step forward, 2 steps back.