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Some Good News

CBCharlotte's picture

Yestesday, I had an MRI and meeting with my oncologist.  Many of you know I've had 3 cancer scares in the last 2 years, including 2 biopsies which were thankfully all negative.  Every time I go in for a check, they find something.


Well, this time I had my MRI and then a few hours laster a meeting with my oncologist and got the ALL CLEAR!!!  No suspicious spots, no biopsy or surgery needed!  This is the first all clear I've had in 2 years, such a releif!


That being said, of course we had to continue talking about the future.  She said we are going to hold off on checking for ovarian cancer until I'm 35.  She said there really isn't a point in testing now because the test doesn't work anyway.  By the time you have symptoms of ovarian cancer you're very late stage.  She said I need to REALLY start thinking about when I'm going to remove my ovaries, and again asked me my timeline on having kids.


Of course, I embarassingly started crying in her office.  I explained there's no change from last year, DH still doesn't have a job and we pay $3,500 a month in child support so there isn't money for a baby.  She tried to make me feel better and said I still have some time.  However, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36, and between that, both grandmothers being survivors, and that I'm BRCA-II positive, I need to do whatever I can to move this along and start thinking about a double mastectomy and hysterectomy. 


I will be very shortly up for another promotion, this one a BIG jump up 2 levels.  In addition, I will go from underwriter to manager, with 7-10 people under me across 4 offices.  Increased stress I don't need, but increased money I do.  I may just have to suck it up and have a baby while I still have time and once we have the money from my promotion.  DH and I talk about it a lot and I WILL NOT have my extra money I'm making going to child support.  It will be to care for the baby and myself and take care of OUR household expenses.

DH has been working part time at a temp gig but it ends July 25th.  He is basically biking around the city with a backpack mounted camera for a tour company and videoing the streets.  It pays $35/hour, which is great.  So far he's made about $2,000 doing that.  Unfortunately it's coming to an end.  He was just rejected for a job at JP Morgan.  He was rejected from Whole Foods, from ACME (local grocery store), the Apple frustrating.  He got a one day gig as a headshot photographer at a podcast conference next week, so he's hoping he can network there for some additional work.  He's trolling indeed, craigslist, etc for anything he can do to make $ towards the child support. 


We saw Mama Mia 2 at the theater last night and the girl finds out she's pregnant and I just start crying and crying in the theater.  Something's got to give.


Harry's picture

has to get CS cut down. How can he afford 3,500 a month when he does not make that much.  You should not., NOT be paying his CS.  Used your own money for your own baby.  If you payed his CS and not have a baby, your marriage will not last. You will never forgive him or yourself.  

Aunt Agatha's picture

For you cancer scares and his lack of employment.  It’s scary and so awful to go through.

Please do not pay his child support as the ladies above said.  This will only hurt you and lead to resentment - in the end.


These are HIS obligations.  He needs to solve them.

ESMOD's picture

Glad you got some peace of mind! 

I agree with the others.. that is a LOT of CS obligation when he doesn't have a job that will provide that.  side hustling jobs is going to be difficult to come up with that amount.  He needs to pursue at least a temporary modification.

CBCharlotte's picture

as I said in the above, I WILL NOT pay child support and have never directly given a dime to that. However I know I am indirectly contributing by paying 90% of all household expenses and letting DH use his savings to pay the BMs.


the skids leave August 1st and right after that we are talking to BMs about a reduction

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

“We” is the problem. You need to separate finances. Your money should not be paying HIS extravagant C$.