My BS is a Stay At Home Dad.  He likes doing it.   He takes care of the house, baby girl and their two dogs.  

I would set expectations as to what is needed to be done around the house, his ability to make enough money to pay at least child support, and his top priority would be the baby. 

Your DH has some very expensive cs obligations, and I think once you have a child of your own, you might start to resent covering his obligations while he gets to stay at home and enjoy all of your baby's milestones. At the end of the day, he needs to work. He has four children who 's weddings, college, etc lie ahead. None of that is your responsibility.

You've been an absolute Trojan in supporting him for this long, and it's obvious that you love him very much, but sometimes love is not enough. You warned him you want a baby, and that you not having one could lead to divorce. That was an important boundary to draw, and should be the impetus for him to reevaluate his employment goals. Instead, his proposal calls for you to make all the sacrifices, while he stays home - like he has been.

Is this really what you envision for yourself as a mother? Is this really the life you want for yourself? Do you want to be the one paying cs and alimony when the resentment becomes unbearable?

Your H seems to have gradually distanced himself from the harsh realities of his circumstances while leaning more and more on you. I hope you reject his self-serving plan, and perhaps even take some time apart to mull over what comes next. You deserve to be with a man who is your partner in every sense of the word; someone  established in their career and ready to build a family and a future with a great catch like you. Or you could choose to have a baby completely on your own,  unencumbered by your H and his myriad obligations. At any rate, I don't think you should sacrifice any more than you already have. 

and he wants to be SAHD.  Who going to pay for CS, exters, medical, sports, college weddings ect,ect.  When you make 4 kids you can not be a SAHD.  

CB, I know time is limited and precious, and you desperately want a child, but he needs to work his plan for at least 3 months before you actively start trying to have a baby. You WILL grow resentful if the only money he brings in supports his 4 other kids but not yours mutually. You WILL grow resentful when you see SSs with part of their college paid for and a whole host of other things that your chils may never get. You WILL grow resentful when CS doesn't lower because your DH is choosing to be underemployed by being a SAHD with odd jobs. That doesn't even begin to factor in the emotional toll mentioned above about YOU going to work and YOU missing milestones - something your DH has had the opportunity to be a part of four times already.

Do I think you need to leave? Not yet. I think your DH needs to get his act together and start providing for his family again, all five of you. Tapping in to savings is NOT a sustainable plan, and your DH does not have the liquid assets to not only make a risky career move but also add another mouth to feed. He can't feed the five he has - he HAS to rely on you or he would be broke, homeless, and jobless.

I don't care if he is flipping burgers at McDonald's. There are TONS of photographers who have day jobs and they work nights and weekends. That's how they build their portfolio and can eventually go full-time. A website needs to be neat and functional; I can create that in a day using the 300 million artsy templates available. He's stalling, either because he feels functionally depressed or he is fine with using you.

I had a lot of sympathy for your DH until he started, what seems like, his nose-sticking-up behavior towards any job that was either not fun or beneath him. He has years of experience in a bank; are you telling me that none of the banks around need tellers? Are there no warehouses in need of workers? No temp agencies that could find a suitable fit? Yes, it's a LOT less money, but it's MONEY that covers his CS, it's experience that could get him a better paid job, AND it's evidence that he isn't worth what he once was so that he actually has a shot at lowering CS.

Your DH has been wasting your time. You have every right to be angry. Now stop wasting your own time and make him work or lose you. You can be a mother without him as a husband, and given how lackluster his will has been to provide for the family he already has, I wouldn't want to add anyone else to that mix. Ultimately the choice is up to you, but PLEASE don't take his word at being a SAHD with odd jobs as any sort of security or solution. That plan STILL places the burden squarely on you.

Also, not to be a pessimist, but you have an extremely high chance of having cancer, even after surgery. What are you going to do if you have a child 7 years down the road, DH is still working odd jobs, and you have to leave the workforce to take care of yourself? You hold the insurance. You have the stable income. Everyone will be relying on YOU to keep the family afloat. You cannot expect to be Superwoman and work through all of that while DH stays home.

I have a different view on this. You know that you may have a life altering illness to face - now or down the line. You are aware of your own health and it is part of your decision to have a child. It is a factor. Some people, hail and hearty, walk out the door one day and are hit by a proverbial bus. Dead. No thought of life or quality of life. Just gone.

If you want to have a baby, have one because you have love to share with a child. Make another human being part of your life. Outside of any illness or wreckless bus.

The bigger choice for me here is do you want to have a baby, or two do you want to have a baby with your current husband. It may not be what you have in mind, but I would urge you to think about how you will cope as a single parent, having to raise a child all on your own. Without any support of a partner. If  you are okay with that, standing on your own feet raising a child, then I would say go for it. Dont think you will always have a husband or partner to rely on with a child. I consider my son, MY son. I was married had a good career and a loving husband. Then one day, I woke up a single parent. My concern shifted to who would be the legal guardian/s of my child should I too not be around. I learned that the priority is the well being of the child, MY child. Being able to provide and care for my son without the assistance of ANY others. And I am doing it. You can too. You need to know that you may not always be able to rely on any one except yourself in raising a child. And if you have a life threatening illness or dont carefully cross the road, you need to know there will be someone to take care of your child. Those are important considerations in choosing to have a baby. We dont always think of them.

(Even though I was a single parent for a long time and am back to being a single parent, my son is the one thing in my life I will not change. He is such a rewarding joy and there has never been a single day of regret in choosing to have him.)

Silly question - but is the decision to be a stay at home parent for subsequent children considered dodging the job obligation?

I mean... BM's can get increased CS for staying home with another kid... can BD's give decreased CS for the same thing?