Knowing that I will never be first sucks
FDH made a comment last night about if he ever gets rich he will want tomove so that he can get a crabbing boat. We were playfully arguing about where we live if that ever happened because I like warm weather and he doesn't. I told him that he would have to name his first boat after me to which he responded with a no that he was going to name it after his mother because she has helped him so much throughout his life and still helps him now.
Really?!?!?!?
Okay so I am going to help and have been helping raise YOUR two kids. I do their laundry, your laundry, clean up after everybody, lay in YOUR bed with you, take care of YOUR kids when YOU have to run an errand or go into work not to mention the many other things that I do.
It's not that fact that he made the comment about the boat. That I could really care less about. It's the sheer fact that apparently he can't see what I have done and what I am going to be doing. His mother is not helping him raise his kids. His mother has not helped him become a better parent by setting boundaries, being consistant, and to quit yelling at them so much.
He and his brother planned this get mother's day gift for his mom. He told me about all week long before he flew over there this last weekend. They both put a lot of thought into it and it was something very sweet. You know what I got. A card that said thanks for not kicking my ass for not getting you anything for mother's day the day after mother's day. Apparently I'm not important enough or haven;t helped him enough throughout his life to warrant anything more than that.
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^^^^^I agree. You have to
^^^^^I agree. You have to disengage. Let him do their cooking, laundry, shopping, carpooling, ect. Then he will wake up. Test it out for a week. Say "hun I have been feeling overwhelmed so I am done for a week everything is your job"...hehehe
I love the idea of just
I love the idea of just stopping stuff!! Even better, I think you need to escape for a few weeks vacation. Go see family or such. I think every now and then a man needs a little reminder of how much we do for them. Perhaps having to do everything for awhile would give his stupid male brain a nudge. I would love to see him try to do it all for a few weeks without you. Might be worth a shot, and if nothing else, you would get a well deserved break.
I don't do everything. He
I don't do everything. He actually does the all of the cooking for dinner. I just don't understand his logic. It's like he tries to think of the dumbest possible thing that will hurt my feelings and then he says it. Not to mention the mother's day thing really sucked for me. I didn't expect much. I know that he just flew in that day from his parents house. But how hard would it have been to stop and get the card on the way home and maybe get some flowers. Last year for father's day I sat down with all of the kids after I went out and bought astuff from the craft store and had them make him a present. I made sure that all three kids had a card to give him on father's day. I just don't understand.
His grandmother gave us $500 dollars for Christmas this past year. Some for the kids and some for us. We decided that that each kid would get $50 dollars and we would split the rest between the two of us. I never did get my half for a Christmas present from his grandmother. He didn't have the money saved to made sure that all of the kids had the exact same amount of money spent on them so he spent my Christmas money from his grandmother on his kids without even asking me if it was okay and then harped on me to call her and say thank you for my Christmas present.
That is pointless. He'll just
That is pointless. He'll just get defensive and tell me everything he does and then start asking what I do and how much time it takes to do what I've done and in the end he always wins and I'm always wrong. I'd rather not waste my breath.
then leave. I am sorry, I
then leave.
I am sorry, I know that you are here to vent. But it appears that the only way to change things will be to leave or to force him to communicate.
Ommy; sorry, but how do you
Ommy; sorry, but how do you "force" someone to communicate?
you sit them down and start
you sit them down and start talking, if they dont then you leave.
I can't leave. We're getting
I can't leave. We're getting married on Monday. What I need to do is creat a life outside of this life for myself where I can leave and get out and get away.
yes you can leave. you don't
yes you can leave. you don't have to get married. the day i got married, i was wanting nothing more than to turn around and go back home the whole way there. not listening to my instincts was a huge mistake. i could have saved myself a lot of trouble if i had done just that.
You're not married yet. If
You're not married yet. If you aren't feeling completely confident and at peace about this, put off marriage until the issues are resolved.
You deserve to be in a marriage where your spouse shares your degree of loyalty and puts you first, as you do for him. If you're not at that level of commitment, it won't improve after marriage, but then you've made vows and you are obligated.
You're worth waiting for a relationship that is right, not settling for one that will be full of frustrations.
If you're feeling like you need a separate life, maybe you should love one another from afar, and continue to live separate lives rather than get married.
You still have time to back
You still have time to back out of the wedding. Don't let the thought of losing money force you into a decision you will regret.
Take the trip, but put the marriage on hold.
I remember how we were in the
I remember how we were in the beginning. How great things were. I just don't know what happend to us. I know he's going to read all of this. He knew that I was venting on a website about step issues so he tracked me down around a year ago. He's going to read everything that I have said here and get defensive. Point out everything he does for me and then tell me that I don't do half as much as he does.
I don't think that it has
I don't think that it has anything to do with the honeymoon phase. We never really had one. We never spend any quality time together. He can barely handle having all three kids at home while I'm still at work. By the time I get home he's usually in a bad mood because of that or at least teatering on the edge of one. He gets up about an hour before I do and falls asleep in his chair while we're watching a movie or T.V. I like his son. He's gotten to be a really good kid. His daughter on the other hand can be a complete nightmare and puts a lot of strain on our relationship. His ex stalked him for the first year of our relationship and he didn't do anything to stop it until I finally freaked out on him.
There's just been so much shit that has happened that it's put a huge divide in our relationship. So much so that anything that I get from his family is technically his and I'm forgotten on mother's day. I'm actually shocked he remembered my birthday this year.
Thanks Ripley.
Thanks Ripley.