I think GF knows that and is fearful of that. And if I know BM, which I like to think I do to a point, I think BM has threatened that to keep GF in line. I'm sure BM has used it as a threat in arguments since BM likes to fight dirty. BM likes to exploit her partner's greatest fears to maintain control and get what she wants. BM abused DH that way for years, both inside and outside their relationship, threatening to withhold SS or alienate him against DH if DH didn't comply. 

But, I also think GF is a little delusional in their situation and believes she has protections. At one point, during an argument with DH, BM tipped her hand that BM's will grants GF sole custody in the event of BM's death. That's not legal and attorneys have concluded the same - DH would be granted custody if BM died. GF seems to think that she has legal standing in BM and DH's custody arrangement, despite everything she has been told by the courts and legal counsel. It would suck for GF to have to find out the hard way. DH has told me he has considered giving GF the same visitation arrangement BM gave DH (6 weeks a year) if BM died, since GF has had such a major impact on SS's life and SS would be devastated to lose her altogether. Whether we would actually do that would depend on the circumstances. But, heaven forbid GF has a child with BM someday and they get divorced. Lord knows BM would fight just as dirty with GF as she did with DH to maintain full custody and max CS, but pawn all parenting responsibilities on either her parents or a new partner. 

Thank you, Survivingstephell. This is the first time that we have really had an "inside view" of how little BM actually does. We had a hunch that GF was doing a lot, but recently, GF's communication with DH, BM's lack of communication, and commentary from SS has cued us in more. We had no idea that GF was doing 100% or close to it. 

When SS was younger, BM made it seem like she did everything for SS, while DH was absent (not by choice). We learned later that BM's parents were doing a lot of the parenting of SS, watching him 6 days per week while BM worked and was in college. We made excuses for that, saying they were just helping her juggle it all. Once BM graduated, met GF, and moved out of state and away from her parents, we figured that BM was doing everything and she abused us psychologically, reinforcing that she did everything while DH did nothing. We had no evidence to the contrary. Now that SS is older and less fun and cuddly, she really has just given up. It's almost like each year she wants less and less to do with him. We are just slowly learning how much less because now she is tipping her hand more, showing her laziness, and SS is a little more forthcoming. 

I think one of two things happened here:

1. Since BM left on Wednesday last week and didn't return until yesterday afternoon, that would have meant that SS would have missed 3 days of school if he had gone with BM. BM does not make a habit of allowing SS to miss school and does not allow him to miss school to visit DH or if there is a special event on DH's side of the family (i.e. wedding, funeral, etc.) When he missed school for a few days in February to visit family and go snowboarding with a friend, BM was overly cautious when telling DH to prevent rocking the boat. BM even sent DH SS' attendance record to show that he had never missed school until that point. While we aren't interested in taking BM back to court, I think there is a still a fear there for BM, so she doesn't want to make trouble for herself. 

Or 2. BM wanted a break from SS for a few days and didn't want him tagging along. 

And these kids are "raised" with major issues and psychological complexes because these narc parents cant give up control and need them. 

SS is not a happy-go-lucky kid. You can tell that he doesn't just go home and play and have a normal childhood. Instead, he goes to school where he must academically preform at the highest level and then he goes to sports and the same is expected, all so BM can be recognized for how amazing SS is. Every time you talk to SS, he complains and acts like he has a full time job, because he is the one being the adult in the Mother/Son relationship. He is providing for BM's every emotional and psychological need while BM does nothing. SS is anxious and obsessive about his abilities and his image. If he isn't good enough or smart enough, he blames everyone else (just like BM does) and makes excuses, saying that he is the best, but something happened to make that not the case today.