OT, Sort Of - In Laws in Need
SO's brother (let's call him Will though obiviously not his real name) lives about 5 hours north of us and is in a wheelchair. He is pediatrician and has been in a wheelchair since young adulthood due to an accident (he finished his last year of med school from his hospital bed). Will lives with his longtime partner (let's call him Jim) who is a licensed RN. Will has a private practice in a small town and Jim manages the practice.
Will is very independent and normally manages his life just fine, and Jim obviously helps with any medical issues when needed. A few months ago, Will had what was thought to be a minor medical issue that required hospitalization for a few days. Unfortunately the condition snowballed a bit and Will ended up needing another surgery a week or so ago. He is now home and recovering for another 4-5 weeks but must remain on his side to avoid pressuring the surgical area, and can only be moved to his back to each and drink for 10 min a few times a day.
Normally Jim manages quite well but unfortunately he also requires gall bladder surgery soon. He is trying to hold off until Will is better but not sure if he'll be able to. Currently Jim easily tires and has difficulty bending, so caring for Will wipes him out and he's not able to get to many household chores. Both have said on family calls that they are managing with a home health aide a couple of days a week and some friends, and don't require any additional help.
Last week Jim reached out to Bratty (who lives an hour away) and asked if she minded stopping by to help out with some cleaning and cooking (yes, you read that right LOL). Jim also said he really didn't want the rest of the family to worry and hoped to keep it private. Bratty said sure and ended up staying the weekend. She texted SO that she was worried that Jim needed much more help than he was admitting to and could SO talk to them? Bratty (to her credit I think, trying to help) asked her boss if she could have extra time off but was denied.
SO and I both work from home currently so it wouldn't be an issue for one or both of us to go up there to help out for a week or longer. SO texted his brother yesterday and asked if we could come up for a week to help, and Will texted back no thank you we're fine (more or less, paraphrasing). So it seems they don't want anyone in the family to know they need help but could definitely use some over the next few weeks.
SO was very concerned and is now thinking of showing up on their doorstep and insisting. I said I'm not sure that's a good idea since at the end of the day both Will and Jim are adults and should make the choice for themselves, but I said it was his brother and I would support him in whatever he decided. We discussed some more and decided SO was going to call Jim today to see if he could talk him into accepting our help for a week or so.
Otherwise I told SO a second option would be an AirBNB for a week, and then just stop by to offer help. That way it would take any burden off of Jim feeling like he had to host us.
Anyway not sure how it will turn out but I'm just getting some thoughts written down. We'll see how SO's call with Jim goes. I do hope he's open to our help.