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When Narcissists Collide: Bratty vs. Uncle Jim

caninelover's picture

In my last blog I wrote about SO's brother Will, who is in a wheelchair and facing some recovery time from a recent surgery.  Will and his partner Jim have lived together for many years, and since Jim is an RN he's been able to take care of Will's medical issues over the years.

Jim sent Bratty a very guilt-trippy email complaining of their recent medical woes, as Jim is also having medical issues, and asking  Bratty to come and help them which she did.  But, Will and Jim wanted to keep any help secret from the rest of the family since they didn't want anyone else to know they needed help.  Bratty did go over and help for a couple of days and told SO.  

SO called them to offer our aid for a week or two but Will stubbornly declined and insisted they can handle it.  

Will then emailed Bratty and asked in a somewhat accusing way if she had told SO, which she told them she had.

Apparently now Jim sent another guilt-trippy email to Bratty asking for more help but again to not tell the family.  Bratty told SO on a call yesterday that she was there helping for another couple or few days.  Bratty was frustrated that Jim kept sending her these emails but would not tell the family or accept help from others.

It has me fascinated to watch two covert narcissists interact with each other like this.  Typically Bratty is the one crying victim to manipulate others into doing what she wants.  This time Bratty is on the receiving end and Jim is the one dishing out the victimy guilt-trips.  Bratty is definitely taking the bait and was wondering to SO if she should delay her plans to return to school for another post-bacc attempt in the fall and instead move in with Will and Jim to help them full time (they did not ask her to do this).  

SO told her clearly that she was overstepping and should not delay her life or plans because of Will and Jim's issues.  But I wonder how this will play out over the next few weeks.  Will Jim keep dangling the victim bait in front of Bratty, and will she continue to take it without bragging about virtue to the family?  I guess we'll see what happens.

In other related news, Bratty decided to cancel any visit to Grandma this summer.  Which I thought was funny since Grandma told her not to visit a couple of months ago.  Bratty took that to mean visit later but is now 'too busy' helping Will and Jim to visit Grandma this summer.  I'm sure Grandma is breathing a huge sigh of relief.



advice.only2's picture

I am becoming suspicious of these e-mails Bratty is Jim really asking her for covert help or is Bratty making them into something more so she can appear to be the "hero". Even if that's not the case Jim has a very odd sense of who to ask for help.

caninelover's picture

I saw the first email and Jim was definitely asking Bratty in a very wow isme tone.

I think he asked her because she's probably telling them that she's independent and doesn't speak to her Dad much since we tossed her out. Which is not true since she calls SO every few weeks at least for long chats, but Jin was probably led to believe that so he assumed his secret would be safe.

MissK03's picture

Hmmmm that's interesting they STILL are asking bratty for help even though she said something to SO and they know..

Seems almost like they want everyone to know without coming out and saying it but, also denied your help.

Strange overall. Why not just be honest? 


caninelover's picture

They should just say, hey it would be great if people could help us out until Jim feels better...but they are stubborn and don't want their troubles known.

When they asked Bratty this time, they put her to work answering phones at Will's practice.  Not actually at the house this time, except probably to stay overnight after she finishes work.