My Thoughts on BM's "plan"..
This is so sad to say, and I've thought it for a very long time but never actually said it out loud (or posted for that matter).
I think, and this is coming from knowing BM for 11 years and watching her digress slowly for YEARS and then RAPIDLY over the past year. Anyway, I THINK that BM is so desperate to be in a relationship that she has allowed herself to become addicted to meth. She found a guy while she was partying, they played pretend in a "relationship" for a while and she did whatever she thought she had to in order to keep him. Usually her M.O. is to get pregnant and trap a man. Well this man is snipped so that's not an option. So when in Rome... now she's an addict and they are not REALLY a couple. She REALLY wants to be a couple, but in reality, they aren't. He is a "couple" with a lot of women.
Now she is in a position where she is going to be homeless within the week. She has options. She could go stay with her dad. They would have a TON of rules and it wouldn't be easy, but she could. She could go stay with her mom... same thing. One of her friends has offered a couch. Same deal. RULES. And I think she could abide by the rules. I really do. I think she wants to make this guy her ONLY option. "I have NO CHOICE but to go live with" meth man. She plays the "poor me, no one will have me" card with him on FB all of the time. Posting crap about how the one person she needs to depend on is letting her down. Blah blah blah. She is literally trying to force this idiot guy in to a relationship with her.
Sick.
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... and yes I agree with
... and yes I agree with this! Why do you need to be her "friend"? Just be done with her. You have no obligation to her. She's dragging you down girl!
I don't talk to her anymore.
I don't talk to her anymore. She knows I am sick of her bullshit. My last conversation with her was telling her that I have nothing left to say to her. I think she gets it.
DH is the one that communicates with her now. And I am totally good with that. I can't help but wonder about WHY a MOTHER would walk away from her child. That, I believe, is a normal point to ponder. Especially when you are dealing with someone that you have watched spiral out of control in front of your own eyes. And you are the one there taking care of the child while she is out being an idiot.
I think a lot of people act
I think a lot of people act in this manner though. I KNOW BM2 is one of them. When I first started dating DH and she was with her previous BF, they would ride bikes (that's something HE was enthusiastic about) play tennis (again him), etc. Then she cheated on him and hooked up with her 19 year old "musician" boy toy... now she goes out to bars, goes to music festivals and tries to act 20 years younger than she is.
I'm totally about trying to share in something that your spouse/BF enjoys.. but when you morph yourself to fit a "profile" of what someone else wants? Yeah, that's kind of off in my book.
Like my DH likes to hunt. Not my thing, I could never shoot any animal. There have been times in the past that I have gone out turkey "hunting" with him.. just for the simple pleasure of walking in the woods, enjoying nature etc. But I certainly didn't start wearing camo, buying guns and proclaiming myself Mrs. Hunterette. Same with DH.. I enjoy riding/showing horses. Sure DH has ridden with me a few times here and there, but he didn't go out and get a big belt buckle and Stetson and start calling himself Mr. Equestrian. Gosh I think it's important to maintain your personal identity.. maybe I'm just a weirdo though?
I had a friend in HS who
I had a friend in HS who would switch her brand of cigarettes (back when we all smoked) to whatever her current interest smoked. Same thing with whatever he drank, if he drank Bud, she drank Bud, if he drank rye & Coke, that was now her drink too.
Kinda like the Runaway Bride and how she liked her eggs.
I don't think she knew who she was, not sure what happened to her or if she ever found herself?
I don't think she's playing
I don't think she's playing any card except the 'I'm An Addict' card at this point. She won't stay with her mom or dad or friend because I bet one rule would be to stay clean and sober. She is way too far into the clutches of addiction to do that. The addiction is winning so the only choice that the grip of addiction is telling her right now is meth man. Why...because he can feed her addiction.
She is drowning fast and I think you'd do yourself a favor by disengaging from her completely. You can't save her and will go mad trying and watching it simply because you're a good, caring woman. Block her from everything, let your DH deal with her now and just focus on yourself and your family.
Addicts pull caring people like you down into their drama and hell really quick. I know, I was married to an alcoholic for 16 years. He destroyed everything and nearly me. Cut her off and just live your life. You can't fix her and you won't understand it or figure it out because you're not an addict. It's all up to her now. She'll either get it or won't...just don't let her suck you into it. You're too nice of a person for that.
Honestly, I think I am done
Honestly, I think I am done caring and trying to help HER. I do care about SS. I just ponder things now. I don't try to help or fix them. I don't entertain her ridiculous conversations. I don't try to help her understand the damage she is causing. I don't care anymore. It just boggles my mind. I won't help her in any way, at all. I just have my popcorn and am watching the show.
I worry for him. You are
I worry for him. You are right. And I will never ever understand. But I do try to rationalize, for him.
I think you're right. I think
I think you're right. I think she's very desperate to be in a relationship and always has been, getting pregnant thinking it would keep a man around.
It didn't work with this guy so she's had to find another way keep him around and sadly it's lead her into drug addiction.
If she really wanted to turn her life around she would move in with one of her parents or her friend.
She went to ONE NA meeting.
She went to ONE NA meeting. Never went back after that. DH has told her several times that she needs rehab. She just says "no I don't think I do". Not much more we can do other than keep SS safe and away from her and her lifestyle.
Oh gosh, don't confuse my
Oh gosh, don't confuse my being baffled by her life choices with me being involved in her life. I have never been so UN-involved. At this point it's almost like watching a movie to me. I watch it all play out and sit there wondering how a mother could make those choices. I have no desire to save her, change her, fix her... she is so far beyond all of that, no one can help her. I do keep on eye on her for sake of SS. At some point DH is going to tell her she can't post pictures of SS on her social media. She is going to piss off the wrong people and she is putting SS in danger. We have a good friend that actually had the judge rule this without even asking. Just because of her ex's involvement in the drug community out here. We have the same judge on our case, and IRONICALLY her ex... is married to meth man's (BM's "boyfriend") ex wife. Small town.