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When they're gone is it gone?

Bradymom's picture

I feel like I'm not cut out for the step mom gig. I hate the exes. I hate blended family. I hate tiptoeing. I hate the in laws. I hate explaining how I have this many kids. He has that many. Oh & that's a 1/2 sibling from the ex. Blah. Blah. Blah. I love my husband. Dearly. There are days I can't stand the way my step kids chew or sneeze. Or anything. In the beginning I thought we could love through this. We were bigger than all the issues. I don't think that now. I feel like the boat capsized. We are drowning at sea. We have 7 years. Ugh. Can't wait to be done with all the crap. Do you think when they're graduated the crap is gone? We have 2 gone & I'd say it's definately different. It's deffinately better. I can't wait for the day!!!!


Aniki-Moderator's picture

I made some comment to DH about being glad when he won't have to deal with BioMonster any more. His comment? "It would be nice, but if something happens to the kids, she'll have to call." I wanted to bawl. I absolutely loathe that beeyotch.

DaizyDuke's picture

DH has been saying for years "Only a couple more years, then skids will be 18 and on their own" No the fuck they won't, because nobody has given them the tools to "be on their own" Guaranfuckingtee they will NEVER "be on their own"

I moved out of my parents house 3 weeks after I graduated from high school. I just turned 44years old and I have never been back (to live), I have never asked either one of them for money, for gifts, for anything! Because they raised me properly, to be independent and a productive member of society.

for some reason this seems to be an impossible feat when it comes to COD's?? :? Although... I WAS a COD so go figure?? :?

hereiam's picture

If not for welfare, SD23 and her 2 kids would still be living with BM, and they were up until about 5 months ago.

verysad's picture

Devilspawn 19.5 and if I don't insist she'd be content to stay. I'm leaving instead. Is it March 1st yet??

DaizyDuke's picture

I can honestly say there is not one thing... NOT ONE that I "enjoy" about skids and BMs. Skids bring me zero happiness, I get NOTHING out of their existence other than constant drama. And I don't understand why it is just so much constant drama? and I don't want to hear "because DH allows it" it's just not that simple.

I mean DH and I have BS5 and granted he's not a teenager, but seriously, we don't have ANY issues when it's just the 3 of us. DH and I are always on the same page as far as discipline, we discuss things, we work as a team. Nobody feels the need to meddle and tell us how and what we should be doing with BS5. Everything is the exact opposite with skids. DH and I are always butting heads, never on the same page and everyone (BMs/ILs) feel the need to put their useless and unwanted 2 cents in and the drama shit storm just keeps swirling around and around and around. Actually it's more like a volcano. Lies dormant for a bit, then when it erupts unexpectedly from time to time it's utter chaos.

And the proof is in the pudding... SD16 has been gone for a week now and guess what? DH and I have been laughing, loving, happy and at peace. So who is the fucking problem? NOT ME, but yet everything (when it comes to skids) is always MY fault.

I'm with you Brady, I HATE everything about it.

Jsmom's picture

For me, I will say with SD18 at college and hating DH right now, she is gone, gone, gone. We have peace in this house. I still have SS16, but I like him and for him I do things. I am actually dreading when he leaves for college, since the house will be too quiet. When he leaves, BS19 will be finishing college.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. When people ask how many kids I have I say two. One of his and one of mine. I don't consider my SD anything at all.

hereiam's picture

Best day of my step life was when SD got married, ending child support and any connection to BM. DH has had nothing to do with her since.

He has mostly an over-the-phone relationship with SD (now divorced, by the way) and she has found, over the years, that he is not easily manipulated. So, she goes to BM when she needs something, which is as it should be, since BM encouraged SD to be a co-dependent (as is BM).

It does require putting somewhat of a wall up because parents want to help their children, even their grown children. DH worries about his daughter but he knows that she needs to grow up. Plus, it pisses him off that she hints around and tries to manipulate and guilt him into doing things for her. That is NOT how you get my DH to do something!

z3girl's picture

It gets better when they're done with college and if your DH has boundaries.

SD23 is still creating drama with BM. DH is the first to say that SD23 acts like a 17 year old still. Our only saving grace is that DH absolutely refuses to allow SD23 to ever spend the night with us, even one. He doesn't allow her to bring her drama to our house. The last big drama was almost comical because the sheer number of texts from both BM and SD23 were astronomical. DH responded in the beginning, then eventually just ignored it all. It's easy to get sucked in, but you have to know when to stay out of it.

We rarely see SD23 anymore, but it's much calmer.

Pokeyketchum's picture

We finished YESTERDAY! The last one aged out! I wonder how it will be. She is extremely PAS'd.