Because we had BS first I think that was the blow that most people experience for the wedding.

BM cried to DH on the phone, its like it was the official 'I've moved on' as well as SD wont be the center of attention when shes with me type of thing.

I'm sure BM wasn't happy about our wedding but I don't remember it being a huge thing. She didn't make it easy for SD to attend, but I didn't care if she even came so no big deal there.

Any shit talking she did was probably because her marriage to DH was just stupid and it would be a cold day in hell before her BF would EVER marry her.

Well Bm hated me at first too. She also said he was picking me over sd. Not true of course because she wouldn't let him see her, because she was pissed about me. Even though she could have all kinds of guys around sd, date... Not to mention she cheated on dh when they were together. After we got married she seemed to calm down a lot.... Maybe realizing sd would have to be around me so she better be cordial at least. I also told her off after she went too far one day... }:) so that May have helped. Things are actually ok right now. It all just depends on how psycho Bm is. If she's still pissed after three years I'm not sure marriage will make a difference, but who knows? Hopefully your FDH will shut her down everytime she tries to berate you. Other than that just ignore ignore ignore.

She called him up and cried. She said he should have told her. She said she was very hurt (should have called a waaabulance instead!!). She said she couldn't believe that he was getting married again before having time to heal from their divorce. That was hilarious. She STILL, to this very day, hasn't healed from their divorce. He was over her years before he actually left. ha.

He laughed at her the whole time. She has no dignity and just made herself sound even more pathetic. He finally stopped the whole painful exchange by informing her that his life was none of her business. He told his kids because they were the only ones who mattered. They told her about it.

BM doesn't come right out with her crazy, she likes to channel it into other areas.

-When DH and I started dating- she took DH to court for custody modification
-When DH and I announced our engagement- took DH to court for custody modification
-When DH and I married/moved in together- Took DH to court for not following the CO (he was late picking up two times by 5-10 minutes)

(all three times at court nothing happened other than us wasting money on a lawyer)

So, needless to say, I cannot wait for her to hear of our pregnancy!

It probably depends on how long since the break up between BM and DH. I imagine if it's sooner than it hurts more, of course. Seeing DH move on could be like a final ending for a BM. When my Ex-h got remarried (no children between us) it was hard for me. I didn't want to be with him or anything like that. But he got remarried pretty quickly, and it came as a shock to me. It was always he and I. I believed that we were going to be together forever.... I Thought that our vows meant something. To see him with another woman, it hurt. We didn't have kids, but I imagine that it would be especially painful if we had. I can't imagine hearing my own little children talk about their dad's wedding, or seeing pictures of them all dressed up and participating in the ceremony.

Of course, I was not a crazy ex. I spoke with my ex about it, how it was strange and a bit painful to see him remarry because I always thought it was going to be "snowdrop and ex" not "new wife and ex" (Replace with our names). He said the same to me, how it sucked that things didn't end up like we planned and that he was sorry. It was a bit of closure. OF course I was not a psycho ex like many of the BM's on this site are so I didn't make a scene....

oooh actually I did have a little freak out after they got married though. I stumbled across their wedding pictures on facebook (ok, truth, I spied on his facebook and looked). I saw that he got married to her at the place where I wanted to get married at (a local historic mansion) but he refused and insisted we marry elsewhere. They went to the same place for their honeymoon as we did. He even used the exact same wedding band as from when we got married, or bought a brand new one that was the EXACT same. The new wife looked a bit like me, and did her hair just like mine was... it was all too similar. I was so angry with him, I felt like he was just "Redoing" our wedding with someone new... which he was. I posted some nasty comments to the pictures (which I later deleted but still, some people saw them I'm sure). Not my proudest moment....

Anyway, I have empathy for BMs. it's a tough situation. Also, don't forget that it might bring up some feelings for your dH about the mistakes he made in the past, etc.

When BM found out DH & I were engaged (about a month after engagement) she sent this psycho jealous lonely text like "YOU'RE ENGAGED??????? HAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAA"

It was actually kind of sad. DH & I were sitting there budgeting our money since we weren't used to (1. me making a real salary & 2.having a 2 income household. We were getting a budget for house shopping, & this lonely poor welfare woman was exposing herself as a psycho.

I just kept imagining her finding out from stalking his FB, crying hysterically, throwing things, then sending a text to DH trying to make him think she was laughing.

DH & BM were never married. So I'm sure it hurt like hell, considering she has 2 kids by 2 different men - both of who don't want anything to do with her.

BM went postal. She bought 3 plane tickets to PR for her and the Skids. SS didn't go because he said he wasn't missing our wedding, Sd left with her and missed out on being our flower girl.
She told the Skids that he wasn't supposed to marry me because SHE was the mother of his children.
Lookahere....I got the man, the house, the ring AND the last name and I didn't even have to give him a baby to get it all!

BM wasn't too happy. She tried to ban the kids from coming but a judge stopped that.

I don't judge or hate her for how she feels. I don't agree with how she acted, though.

Ours was pretty terrible. We tried to avoid telling her as we did not want her to try to withhold SD that weekend. We avoided talking about it in front of SD (3 at the time) so that she wouldn't spill the beans either. But since we were leaving on our honeymoon for a week afterward, DH told her a few weeks before that he was leaving town & would not be exercising his visitation. She asked him straight out if he was going on his honeymoon. He couldn't lie, so he just admitted that yes, he was. Of course she freaked out. Couldn't believe that he getting married & didn't inform her. I was like wwwhhaatt?? :jawdrop: It's none of her business & if she would act normal, we would have told her anyway. She & DH were in co-parenting counseling at the time & she used 2 full sessions to bitch to the counselor about the upcoming wedding. Told her that she felt that DH should have informed her, that she "didn't know asgoodasitgets" (which is bullshit, we had met several times), & that DH was not over her as he planned his wedding to me on the exact date their wedding would have been (they were engaged but never married. DH said this was bullshit anyway, they never set a date). DH said the counselor was flabbergasted by her behavior & kept trying to steer the counseling session back to co-parenting SD.

She insisted on "getting to know me" before the wedding so I attended SD's school carnival. She did not attempt to even speak to me the entire time! She actively avoided me, moving away whenever I came near her. Finally, I walked up as we were about to leave, said goodbye to SD, reached out & shook her hand, said "nice to see you again, BM. Have a good day." Shocked look & crickets from her. That was the last time I made an effort to even acknowledge her presence.

On the weekend of our wedding, it was our normal weekend to have SD Saturday 2 pm to Sunday 2pm. As we had a lot of family coming in early for a Friday night celebration, DH requested SD for one extra night. BM said that he could have SD on Friday night IF she could then pick her up FROM OUR RECEPTION on Saturday night. I was like hell to the eff NO! Sorry BM, but you are not invited to our wedding! We chose to just have her Saturday & Sunday during our normal parenting time which I'm sure burned BM's ass.

When DH picked SD up on Sat. before the wedding, BM said to him "Let me know how it goes." DH asked "how what goes?" BM replies "Being in love with one woman & marrying another." DH & I had a good laugh over that one. She also called DH that morning to ask what color SD's dress was so that she could paint her nails to match. And bought a "flower girl" necklace for her to wear (which I promptly removed & threw away). No BM, you do not get to insert yourself into our wedding. When we returned SD, she asked DH where the necklace was. He said "I don't know, why?" She said "I might want to use it again when I get married." DH just laughed & walked away!

Finally, on our first visitation with SD after returning from our honeymoon, BM had DH thrown in jail. She refused to meet DH at the neutral pick-up location, instead sitting in front of our house & insisting DH bring SD back there. I had to involve the police to get her to leave & meet DH. Apparently, DH had a warrant from a 10-yr-old traffic ticket that he didn't even know about but BM did. She showed it to the cop & had DH arrested in front of SD. She kept saying to me "who are you? Oh, that's right, you're just the Band-Aid" over & over. I don't even know what she meant by that.

From there it was downhill. I mean she was a bitch before we got married, but the first couple of years afterward, she really turned up the crazy. Now she has a boyfriend & we have a more solid CO & rarely, if ever, have to see or speak to her, so things have mellowed out for the time being.

Psycho was PISSED when DH and I got married. DH didn’t tell me everything that she said but I was able to witness some of it. She yelled at him more over little things like the haircuts DH got the boys. Once she tried to claim that she heard me yelling at the kids over the phone. I don’t know why she was so pissed off about DH getting married. She was married to another guy only a month or two after she and DH divorced. The funniest thing is that the following month after DH and I got married she took her BF2 to the court house and they got married. I don’t think she could stand the thought of DH being married and not her.

BM was curious about me when we first started dating. I offered to meet with her so she would at least know who her kids would be spending time with, but she had zero interest . She pretty much ignored me, but grilled the kids after every visit.

After we were engaged, she started the crazy in earnest. Once we were married, that's when the full-blown PAS campaign started. She's totally insecure as a mother, obviously.

BM wore herself out the first couple years of our relationship, a lot of it in the first 6 months.

First, she tried to get him to spend the weekend with her by claiming that she would not be there, just the kids. She WAS there, he left.

Then she called me, trying to be all buddy buddy and give me the dirt on him, hoping I would break up with him.

When that didn't work, she gave SD something she knew she was allergic to, causing her to have a seizure. Caused a big scene at the hospital, said it was all his fault that it happened and threatened to hurt herself if he didn't go back to her.

That didn't work, either, so she tried to get him to move back in and stay with the kids (one of which is not his) so she could check herself into a treatment center to get help for depression. I said to him, "Outpatient". We never heard another word about her "depression".

Then she tried to tell him that they were not really divorced. Really? 'Cuz the decree on file at the courthouse says you are.

SD is 22 now and I am sooooo glad to be done with that bitch.

We already knew the crazy our BM encased so we made sure to not tell the skids about it. The way BM found out was when I added skids to my insurance and sent cards home with them. SD told me about how BM freaked out when she saw that my last name was now the last name SHE always thought she'd have! LOL

Of course, she would take him back to court every time he would sneeze so she "got back" at him. What she doesn't realize was those times that she feels she "won" in court, I feel like WE won. We usually got at least the minimum we wanted (based on advice from our lawyer) AND I was always entertained by the tongue lashings the judges would give to BM. Not that it changed her MO at all...

Oh, may I also add that the first time BM met me (after DH told her we were getting married) she flipped her lid!!!

During the ride to drop off the skid psycho called DH to find out what his location was. The kids were being a bit loud so I turned around and calmly asked them to quiet down a little because their dad was on the phone with their mom. I said this all very sweetly, calmly and with a smile. Then I heard BM yelling at DH over the phone that I was yelling at the skids. When we got to the drop off I waited in the car. Psycho immediately started screaming at DH calling him all sorts of horrible mans like asshole in front of the skids. She was through a fit, screaming at him that I had no right to yell at HER kids. DH told her I was not yelling and that if she was going to act this way she wasn’t going to meet me. She demanded to meet me because I was going to be the skids’ stepmom. DH motioned to me to come out and meet BM. I walk up and stand by DH and she starts screaming at me that I was not the kids’ mother and I was never to yell at them ever again along with a lot of other stuff I can’t remember. I nearly started to laugh at her. I looked at DH and said “interesting”. She then turns to DH and yells at him “You’re going to let her speak to me like that!!!” From there I went back to the car and she continued to yell and belittle DH.

Nearly a year after our wedding, BM was STILL trying to make DH feel guilty b/c he missed 3 days of visitation with SD while we were on our honeymoon. He said "I'm sure you'll understand when you get married someday, BM. Oh wait, never mind, no you won't because NO ONE WILL EVER MARRY YOU!" Yes, that was mean & petty, but it was funny to me & it shut her fat mouth up for a while. She certainly never mentioned our honeymoon again!

BM losses it and has spwlls every time SO and I achieve some milestone in our relationship. Currently she is trying very hard to get engaged before we do. She is also doing it because I am due early march. Of course she must compete in every way! ;). We are just waiting for the official announcement but SD has broken the news already. I do believe BM is "preparing" her for the news. Interesting I don't know why she feels the need to do this. Being that SO and I have known for the last year that is where this is headed so the odd time we being it up. Ask her if she would like that just so she has an understanding of what our relationship is. I think its sad BM is using her child in order to execute a jealousy move. Anyways that said BM goes off the deep end for any achievement. And I mean NIGHTMARE of the deep end. Drama at every exchange

She was a crazy fool. This was in the 90's. she would call and leave 20+ messages on our answering machine. She got the fancy caller ID and wouldn't accept phone calls from the heifer's (that would be me. Never mind that she outweighed me by 50 pounds) house. So we had to *67 our number so she wouldn't know where he was calling from. Lots of just general batshit crazy.
When we came into town for the first visit with me there, she denied the visitation and we had to go to court where she told the judge we (husband and I) weren't allowed to sleep in the same room during visitation. That went over well. She was so pissed. When he returned the kids after that visit, he was holding his then two year old on his hip, when she backhanded my guy across the face. Yes. That happened. We should have called the cops but it was just so ugly and horrible and he didn't want to subject kids to it. We would have handled it differently with our hindsight goggles on. When it came time to our actual wedding...well, we had a destination wedding. Not a fancy destination, but out of town. Anyway, my dh was an oaf and allowed the ex to change the kids name to her maiden name. That is another long story but the point is is that the name change took place and he hadnt switched the insurance over to their new names before we left and she decided to call our chain of command, the inspector general, and everyone in between to inform them that he deliberately dropped his children from the insurance. Of course we got back and it was a two minute fix. But it was just not fun to come home to. of course by that point, everyone knew her and what a pain in the ass she was at that point...and shortly thereafter was told by the judge to stop harassing him at work. She loved calling his higher ups through the years. She never knew we all got a big laugh from her Cray Cray.
Anyway, I just asked my husband, in his opinion, how long it took for his ex to chill the hell out regarding him getting remarried, and he estimated eight years. Eight long painful years! But let me tell you, the level of damage done to his kids in those eight formative years of their lives, well, that is insurmountable, really. There's no recovering from it. Kids are adults now, and so much anger and pain towards their daddy and his "new family" (married 17 years) it is just sad.

It took our BM until SHE got knocked up again and got this guy to marry her before she calmed the eff down in our lives. I am sure that if her marriage got rocky or something, she'd start back up again but now the skids are aged out so she BETTER be a non-factor.