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H-building dreams on lies

bewitched's picture

I'm trying to finish my Anatomy & Physiology course. Nearly done, with a 99% grade. But everytime I sit down to study, I get tears. Everytime. Because I had a dream. I had a plan. Or should I say H led me to believe I did. Now its shattered. With his enormous debt to IRS, all I can hope for is another divorce.

H had me spending hours and hours this summer looking for a beach home in Texas. A dream. A plan. I poured over repos, we took a trip to the coast, going here and there with realtors. All the while, he knew he had this IrS debt. I had no idea.

And he's mad because I bring it up. I talk about finances, I talk about what he's done to me. And his response? "I'm not going to have to listen to this for the rest of my life." You see, he's not caring, not one little bit, about the dreams, the plans, all built on his lies, being trashed. Doesn't care about the many many nites I stayed up late, studying so hard, to succeed. All dashed because of his lies.

So tonite, he's on the phone with SD17. It's "Babe" this and "Babe"that. to this spoiled rotten kid. When he gets off the phone, I said, ok, what other unusual expenses do we have coming up? H says-well, in May we have SD17's birthday, SD17's graduation. And that's all he said. I left the room.

Because in May is our anniversary (which I pray to God I have a job by then and there will be no anniversary). In May is my birthday. In May is Mothers Day.

But the only occassions he thought of were centered around SD17.

Again, he proves I am nothing to him.

I have to find a job. I will prove to him, with great finality, just what a nothing he is to me.

Comments

The Principlist's picture

Your husband is an ASS! He will wisen up when it is too late. Maybe he feels that he can treat you anyway he pleases because you don't work therefore you can't leave. Which leaves you staying and putting up with his crap. Do you have a relative that you can move in with until you can get back on your feet? I'm afraid that if you stay in this situation for too long it will eventually wear away at your self esteem. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can find a job and soon so that you may get out of this mess. No one deserves to be treated like this.

Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P

Sasha's picture

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KeepsGettingBetter's picture

he isn't worth a drop out of your eyes.
I can only imagin how you feel. To have all these dreams of the future with him only to have them ripped away cause he wasn't honest or show his true colors from the start.

I pray for you everyday that you will get a job and get away from this poor excuse of a man.

Isn't there anyway you can kick him out before you get a job?

As for your Birthday, when in May is it. My mothers birthday is the 19th.

Try and not let him get to you. I know that is alot easier said than done. He is an insensitive asshole and wouldn't know a good thing if it bit him in the face.

You are a beautiful, caring person and all of us here on ST can see that, don't let him tell you any different.

))))))BIG HUGS(((((((

tryingtofindpeace's picture

No one in this world has the right to take away YOUR dreams... whether he is in the picture or not. Don't give him that kind of power over you, he does not sound like he deserves it.
My heart bleeds for you Bewitched. I know it sucks. But there is hope for brighter days, even if that means by yourself.
The fact that you have a 99% in A&P is incredible! I teach at a school where the students have to go through that course, and I took it in college myself, so I know how difficult it is. It says a lot about you, about your abilities, about the potential within you. None of that does your husband get to touch or take away from you.
Keep dreaming your DREAMS... hold onto them and you will find yourself living them on the other end of all of this!
Best of luck!
HUGS

sarahbernheart's picture

DH probably truly believed he could live the dream.
how very sad that he will be with nothing and you will have it ALL!! ok I am not really sad for him.

you have something he does not have ..integrity...you have TRUE goals and dreams ATTAINABLE ones, keep up the good work BW your goal is in site!
his house of cards is a'tumbling

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

BridgingTheGap's picture

Bewitched, you can still accomplish your dreams and goals. The only modification (I'm not going to use the word "loss" because there is no loss) is that you will not be accomplishing your goals and dreams with HIM. That's ok. He doesn't deserve to be a part of your happiness. His lies and deception have made it harder for you to get what you need and deserve. Once you get a job and leave his sorry ass behind, you can move forward and do all the things you should be doing

TR's picture

Keep dreaming! Dream of your dreams becoming REALITY! Dream of your new job, dream of leaving him and dream of finishing your schooling.
I stopped doing my school work when the divorce started happening and never got back into it. I probably only have 1 year left, which makes me sad.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. He doesn't deserve what he gets from you. Once you leave him he will only have SD17 left and realize he screwed up big time because she will be off and gone to school and leave daddykins with a big bill for college and her partying. She will be one of the kids that gets a college credit card and by the end of her freshman year will be $20,000 in debt because Daddy never taught her how to be responsible with money.
Good luck and keep thinking of not IF but WHEN!