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Same Argument Different Day

BettyRay's picture

So DH was upset with me over the weekend. SS14 was with us and he has been acting like a teenage jerk.

DH laid into me on Sunday about how I have a cleaning "vendetta" when SS14 is with us and I need to stop it. I told him that wasn't true and since he (DH) and SS14 don't bother to help with the house work most of the time that it falls on me.

Well DH didn't like that and told me that he spends most of the weekend in the kitchen cooking and doesn't complain. I told him I'm grateful he does the cooking and that I'm just trying to get the laundry and cleaning done.

DH wouldn't let it go so I finally told him: "Would you at least acknowledge that the relationship you have with SS14 is different from the relationship I have with SS14. SS14 is polite and respectful to you. To me he is rude, ignores me when I talk to him and uses a tone of voice that implies that I'm nothing but dog poo on the bottom of his shoe. I have put myself out there and made an effort to be friendly and nice and it has gotten me no where.

Why would I want to hang out with a kid who is sullen and rude? SS14 controls the TV when he is here and pretty much sits on his @ss having you wait on him hand and foot. Any time I ask him to do something I get dagger eyes, why would I want to expose myself to that negativity.

DH you turn a blind eye to his actions, which is sending a signal that it's okay to treat me like poo."

DH countered with "well I think that's how SS14 treats BM"

I responded with "Every time you ignore his treatment of me you're sending a signal that it's okay to disrespect women; is that the kind of son you want to raise? I need you to step in and defend me - the only reason being that it shows SS14 that you're not cool with how he's treating women."

DH said "I never thought about it like that. But you still don't need to be cleaning all the time."

Me to DH, "DH I clean because a) it has to get done, and b)it gives me something to do so I don't have to deal with SS14's negativity. I have been trying but what do you suggest I do? I'll do whatever you want."

DH had no suggests but he laid off me after that. So tired if this argument.



BettyRay's picture

I hear you Echo, and I do take the remote and make SS14 move, I'm just fed up with DH playing cook and butler and condoning SS14's behavior, by not making SS14 do chores and help out.

I'm bad cop all the time and am burnt out by SS14's attitude. Housework has become my escape.


BettyRay's picture

The house looks awesome and the whites are super sparkly white. I've told DH many times that he's raising his children to be gender bias and lazy and those aren't the qualities of productive citizens.

I've decided to start training for an 8K, the workout schedule will keep me out of the house on most of nights we have SS14. Smile


Stepped in what momma's picture

I am with Sally on this one, stop the cleaning. You can tell your DH he asked you to stop so you did and then you can tell him he can spend all weekend cooking AND cleaning now.