So my SO contacted his oldest counselor to let her know.  It ends up his dailighter stopped counseling again as her grandparents took back their car as they were headed to FL for the winter.  Counselor said she was very worried about daughter.  
 

SO and the counselor decided to offer daughter another counseling session where SO would participate to discuss how disappointed he was that she stole alcohol from us and lied to us.

So he texts his daughter with this plan, saying how he wants to work to repair their relationship that she has damaged with her behavior, and have her some times he and the counselor came up with.  They would have involved him taking off a half day of work at an insanely busy time, but he of course didn't tell her that and was going to make up the work over the weekend (although he still would have lost the 1/2 day of vacation.)

Instead of a remotely positive response, she went off on him over text.  Basically, how what she did was no big deal, her grades weren't bad so he shouldn't care that she lied and stole (mind you, it's been less than 9 months ago that she got dragged out of high school by the cops for bringing alcohol to school), and basically she wasn't going to counseling with him, she didn't need his help nor her mothers and that she would just handle college on her own.  Apparently, if she can't steal and lie to him, she doesn't need his help.

Well then.

Hes livid and hurt.  We doubt she will come over next weekend, which is fine by me as I don't want her here if she doesn't want to take responsibility for her actions and doesn't see anything wrong with them.

But it gets more bizarre. Due to all her problems with her mother (constant fights and physical abuse in her moms side), she has asked us earlier this year if she could move in when she graduates and before she goes off to college.  We discussed and I somewhat reluctantly agreed, but with some boundaries.  His daughter hasn't brought it up in a few months, and we weren't pushing it.

But during her freak out, she accuses him of trying to get her to move in with him so he didn't have to pay her mom child support for her (which he has never said, as it's non of daughters business and frankly, CA will be going down once she's in college) and that her mom would lose her home if he stopped paying her child support, and while she hated her mom, she didn't hate her that much. Embedded in that is the implication her two youngest sisters would be on the streets if BM loses her home that she can't afford, adding more stress for oldest SD.

So, there you have it.  It sounds like crazy pants BM is manipulating SD into knots, conflating the eventual loss of child support (which will be reduced over the next 5 years or so as the girls age out and move out) and how boo hoo she bought a house that she couldn't afford without the CS $ from my SO. 
 

While I still don't want SD over until she gets her head out of her a$$, I do feel bad that her crazy mom is pulling this on her adding pain to what is clearly a misguided struggling young lady.
 

At this point, SO is done with her.  As he said, right now he has two other daughters that don't cause any problems to focus on.  If eldest SD is going to do it on her own as she's told him, well, she's 6 months from being 18 so there's not much he can do.  He's done trying to help her until she's ready.

Its so freaking frustrating.  
 

Anyone have any suggestions on handling juvenile delinquents who want to deny their bad behavior and blame the only parent who is trying instead?

I think dropping the rope makes sense as she is refusing help.  But I'm not a parent, so I know don't have the same pull he feels.