BM treats SD like peer instead of child
BM treats SD10 like a peer rather than a child. If she doesn't respond to her text messages, she'll say things to her like "You don't want to talk to me?" She watches shows like Supernatural with her with suggestive material in it. She bought her a cell phone and sends her text messages that say things like "What up?" to her. She's 10! She makes fun of people's looks to her. SD actually told me once that she thinks her mom is "trying to get attention." BM even told her this weekend that she hated me because I stole her haircut. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Like I was really thinking about her when I got a haircut. SD also knows far too much about BM's friends. She even has their numbers in her cell phone. They're adults! BM is remarried and now has a SD of her own. She tells our SD that she hates her husband's daughter...etc. The point is, she exposes her to material that isn't suitable for her age (from TV and her own personal conversation with her) and then SD comes here and acts out those situations in dramatic play with her 5 year old sisters. Not only that, but she has social issues at school with other children. She's a bully and is very catty to other girls. It comes straight from BM. Her teacher and counselor informed us that they've been suggesting counseling for SD to BM for months, but she keeps refusing. We finally got it court ordered.
We can't control what BM says to her, but is there anything we can do at all? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
The best thing, in my
The best thing, in my opinion, you can do - is guide her and teach her as much as you can - and stay involved as much as you can. Be parents to her - as you probably are the only ones she has, as it would seem.
It makes it very hard when the other parent is doing those things - and you're right - you can't control it. I would definitely document every little thing. And definitely consult an attorney to see if there is anything in your state you can do, if you'd like to try to get full custody.
Thanks FallenAngel. That's
Thanks FallenAngel. That's exactly what we do. We have rules in our home that differ from the one's at hers of course. That always makes it seem like we're the bad guys to SD, but I'm sure the day will come when she sees what BM is doing. Down deep, I can tell she already knows she can't trust her, but she's still so young that BM is still her "mommy" and you can't take that away from a kid (not that we're trying).
Crayon, I love your disclaimer.
Our son is 17 and that's what
Our son is 17 and that's what he says. He doesn't want us to be his friends. He needs parents. But since she's only 10, she sees it as a way to get whatever she wants right now...attention, phone, new clothes every week...etc. We currently have phone visitation on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7-7:30. But she insists on blowing up SD's cell phone constantly. She definitely knows she's doing this. She's in denial about SD's behavioral problems. She thinks she can do no wrong as a parent. She's just not a very mature person in general. Very selfish...a rock in my shoe.