Haircut for SD

Forums:

Hello everyone. I have a question. My SD, 6, has been asking for a hair cut. She has been asking for over a month. She will not ask her mom because she is afraid of her and she knows she will say no. Her BM loves to put her hair in tight braids and funky styles. SD doesn't like it and says BM doesn't listen to her. I want to take her for a haircut. Is this something that falls under the joint legal custody topic? DH and BM share custody. Are there legal ramifications if I do? We are in Michigan. Thank you.

It's the mom's decision.

It's the mom's decision. Period.

Really? Under what pretense?

That was in response to

That was in response to Carly.

Deleted.

Well I mean it seems like if

Well I mean it seems like if Dh can do it then a family member with his permission can. Unless specifically stated in the court order.

BLARING SIGN FROM THE

BLARING SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE: DON'T TAKE HER.

Don't put yourself in that position, seriously. You don't want to go through the repercussions of it. Have your DH take her or have him talk to Bm, and like Echo said, it's a good time to empower SD.

We're not saying this because we think you're unkind or wanting to usurp BM's position, we're saying this because for your own health and sanity, stay awaaaay from this topic because it's been blown up by BM's before, and you don't want to poke the dragon. Not worth it for a haircut.

^^THIS^^

Thank you, all of you. I will

Thank you, all of you. I will let DH bring her. I know there will be fall out, but at least he is her parent and as the rights I clearly do no have. I should know this, she tells me every chance she gets. Who knew being a step parent could be so difficult.

And for goodness sakes, make

And for goodness sakes, make it clear to your. DH to not mention you in it. None of the "Stepmom said SD has been asking her for a haircut so I took her." Please please please remind your DH about that. DH needs to take full responsibility of it without involving you AT ALL--for your safety and comfort.

This is not the hill you want

This is not the hill you want to die on and I highly recommend you tell Daddy to leave it alone. This is just not worth starting WWIII over.

Daddy can mention to Mommy that he would like to do so but drop it if she says no.

I love the dog analogy! DH

I love the dog analogy!

DH loves to keep my cocker spaniel shaved down - less fur shedding. I was okay with that when he had a skin infection but now I want him to grow out and look cute.

Moms decision! I begged SO

Moms decision! I begged SO ages ago to consider SD 8 to have a haircut and to consult BM about it, because SD has such thick hair and was full of head lice all the time, eeewh.SO reacted as if I had suggested him to chop her arm off or something! Finally without SO even saying a word, BM took her to the hair dresser (without consulting SO, hahahahah)and SD has now shoulder long hair.Me as SM is only shaking my head since the discussion about it should have taken month ago when SD was full of lice all the time, but as usual SO was too scared to ask BM and rather gave me the looks about how I dare to even suggest it.
What I mean is, stay out of it, let mom decide or both parents consult each other.It sounds almost as if you find it quite flattering that SD states to you she is "afraid of BM" and doesn't like hair hair styles....kids can be funny and most times they say those things both ways....so instead of encouraging her to do something different to what BM wants , I would rather relax and go with the flow....she is not your child.

Nope, don't do it. It is the

Nope, don't do it. It is the proverbial crossing of the line. If dh takes her that is fine. Do not get involved in it. Unless you or dh contact BM and discuss it first.

Have your DH mention it to

Have your DH mention it to BM. Give her two weeks and if she doesn't take care of it, then DH can take her.

----THIS!----

I also agree with PPs about a) making sure that SD isn't playing you and b) the most important thing a SM can do is make sure our skids have the courage to deal with BMs - especially the BSC ones.

I think either mom our dad

I think either mom our dad should have the right to do it, but ill tell you a quick story....

FDH has physical custody of the kids, BM gets eowe.

FSD went with FDH when he got his hair and FSS hair cut. She said she wanted her bangs trimmed, she told the stylist to cut her hair, she took 3 inches off,...

When BM saw she was furious and took her own hair clippers at her home and buzzed off all her sons hair the day after he got his hair cut,...

FDH said "what the hell, he just got a hair cut"
BM said to FDH "you cut my daughters hair, well I cut your sons hair"

So just beware if you are dealing with crazy,...
It should be bioparents choice, but some people will look for whatever they can to start a fight, even if it was not a problem before.

Hello Fellow Michigander!

Hello Fellow Michigander! (well, I was born and raised there but now live in Colorado)

I'd stay out of this one if I were in your shoes. Have dad take her. That way if BM goes all batshit crazy, she can do it on DH and not have anything to do with you!

As a BM, I never tell my ExH

As a BM, I never tell my ExH NO, you can't do that with our daughter(s). I do tell him how I feel, I personally LOVE my oldest daughters hair LONG. It is almost to her butt and she takes really good care of it. ExH wanted to cut it. I told him I prefer NOT, he did it anyway. It is hair, it grows back... and it did. It is almost to her butt again and now she is old enough to tell him she doesn't want it cut when he gets that wild hair.

On the flipside... I basically do what ever I want with SS's hair. Always have. If he needs a hair cut, I cut it however I want to. He has had LONG hair. BM wouldn't DARE cut his hair without talking to DH first. It's kind of strange the way she asks permission from us, (and yes, I mean us... she asks permission from me for things all of the time) to do anything out of the norm with her own child.
Example: I get a text from her "SS's friend "johnny" wants him to go to amusement park 2 hours away with his family. Do you know them? Are you comfortable with that". Me: " I don't know them, I don't think I am comfortable with it, let me run it past DH". DH: "NO".

Thats how we roll