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I feel sorry for the oldest skid

Aunt Agatha's picture

My SO received a call from his oldest skids therapist, asking him to join in on a counseling session.  It ends up, the disgusting BM is hounding skid about nonsense and refusing to pay for any additional therapy sessions (because the counselor sees BM as a huge part of the problem) and cancelling appointments with skids psychologist who proscribes the medication skid is on.

The therapist was so concerned she wanted to talk with both oldest skid and him.  This poor kid does normal dumb teenage stuff, but seems to have truly been righting herself.  Her biggest problem truly is her mother, who as mentioned before calls her fat (skid was rejected this year by a sports team for being underweight), trash, a bitch, you name it.  We have literally heard BMs rants when skid was at our house on speaker phone so we know it's not an exaggeration.

He also found out skid has had meltdown at school for the nonsensical pressure BM throws on skids shoulders (currently trying to get skid to apply to over 10 colleges, most Ivy League or close to it, when skid already has targeted several that actually have the major the skid wants and are on the more affordable end. Plus, skid has decent grades, but no where near what's needed for many of the schools.) 

Anyway, it got so bad as skid was crying in the school hallway that when her English teacher found her sobbing, ended up having lunch with skid.  She told her sadly what everyone else has: skid has to Turn 18, then never has to talk to BM again.

My SO is reaching out to the English teacher for more info and to get her take.

So just isn't  sure what to do.  While we have offered to have skid move in with us, skid is concerned about leaving her siblings with BM (BM doesn't treat them any better).

It's all such a heartbreaking mess, and I have no idea what SO is going to do (other than pay the copays and help her keep her appointment and get her back on the medication.  I keep hoping the counselor or teacher will report BM to child services for abuse, but she appears to have stopped physically abusing the skids after getting the cops called on her a couple of years ago so I'm not sure what would come of it.  Of course, damage from emotional abuse can last as long as a scar.

Lawyer has said she feels it's not worth going to court as skid will age out in less than 6 months and the other two would not likely testify against their mom, abuse or not.

Anyway, not sure of any questions, but just hate the horrible BM with an even more white hot passion today.  Abusive people suck, especially when they target their own kids.

 

Comments

advice.only2's picture

The best advice to give her is that in 6 months she can be free to walk away from that toxic trash and she doesn't have to let it define who she becomes. Sounds like she has a strong will and a mind to think for herself, those will help her as she tries to untangle herself from the growth that is her BM.

Aunt Agatha's picture

She does have a pretty strong will - which has been partly what's led her to stupid teen behavior.  But she's really a good kid at heart and has been pulling herself out of it lately.  
 

But you are so correct.  It will likely be her saving grace as well.

 

Thank you!

notsofast's picture

I grew up with a mother like that in a lot of ways.  Having supportive people in my life who saw through my mother's perception of me and saw goodness in me when she never did made all the difference in my life.  Hopefully she has support like that.  Her life begins when she can leave the nest.

Aunt Agatha's picture

You had a toxic parent.  I can't imagine your struggle.

Skid is lucky to have some great teachers it seems.  She and SO have been regulaly face fling and he's stepped up heading the hour and a half drive during the week more often to take them all out to dinner or to a movie.  So I'm glad they are all connecting more frequently.

Its still so heartbreaking to know what they are going through.  Regardless of my discomfort sometimes with having 3 youngsters invading my house every other weekend, I'm an advocate of him spending as much time as possible with them until they are all out of that house.

 In fact for the first time ever, oldest skid asked if she could bring some of her stuff over to personalize her room (which we have always encouraged).  I think it's her way of trying to emotionally be more connected to her dad and life with us.

thank you for sharing what you went through.
 

 

Maxwell09's picture

So my problem with this is if the SD feels that leaving her siblings now will be bad for her siblings, what's going to make her cut off her relationship with her mom once she's 18? It's more than likely that guilt and fear for them will still drive her to deal with her mom. Your SO needs to point this out to her and tell her that she needs to start living for herself and her siblings will finally wake up to BM antics once they don't have her there as their buffer. 

Aunt Agatha's picture

That is what her dad has been telling her. While the crazy BM treats all her children horribly (and her parents and realkyvanyone she comes in contact with), she really has it out for the oldest.  Personally, I think it's because she looks much more like her dad than the other two.

But SO has repeatedly told her she must take care of herself at this point and let him worry about being there as much as possible for the other two.

But no kid should have to feel they need to stay in an abusive situation to protect the other kids in the house.

Thank you for your supportive words.  These last few days have just been rough trying to be there for my SO while watching this tragedy (continue to) unfold.