HELP! Nasty makes her threats again & SO wants to cave (Part 2)
Please read post http://www.steptalk.org/node/65256 for a history of BM’s threats/requests for money & SO’s reaction to them…I think it will help you understand where I am coming from.
And now…
Nasty claimed she talked to a lawyer about the tax issue. This lawyer told her that she has the right to claim the Skids on taxes every other year & unless SO allows her to do this, she will take him to court and tell the courts that
She is NOT an unfit mother…she’s a great mommy – just ask her babies!
SO does not work (he’s an 80% disabled vet going to school…paid for by the VA) so that would be counted against him in court.
It’s not fair that she pays CS but does not get to claim the Skids on taxes
She should get custody, because she’s the mom
Apparently, this threat is simply too much for SO to handle…I was at MIL’s house when this conversation took place & he was VERY upset. In tears even over the prospect of losing SS9 & SD8 to Nasty. He told me that Nasty wants he & I to come up with a plan & submit it to her…if said plan is unacceptable, she will pursue custody in court.
SO has learned his lesson about caving to BM. He knows that I will not take it kindly, or laying down. It has come to the point that I am DONE with him, giving in to her without taking my feelings into consideration. He said his biggest fear is losing me because he is trying to do “what’s right” & that he “feels like he has to chose between protecting the Skids & what I want”…this was before I even told him what I thought BTW. He said he wants me to be happy & that he hopes that we can come up with something that we are ALL happy with.
First off, REALLY? A lawyer (if familiar with the IRS guidelines) would know that unless the parent has custody over 50% of the time, a parent is NOT eligible to claim children on their taxes…unless the CP agrees to it.
Secondly, SO not working because the VA PAYS him to go to school is NOT going to count against him in court...it's BS! Having that count against SO is insane, isn’t it???
Thirdly, many NCP’s believe that they are PERFECT parents…that doesn’t mean that the judge is going to agree.
Here’s my issue...what if we say “EFF OFF CRAZY…TAKE US TO COURT!”…hell freezes over...she moves to TX, (God forbid) starts showing interest in her kids (seeing them EOWE), hires a lawyer (with what money???), pays the court fees & sues for custody, proves SO unfit…& WINS? SO would forever blame me…I would be at fault for him having “lost” SS & SD.
If SO says "Ok...claim one kid each year & I'll claim the other" (which is what we've talked about so far)...her threats will continue...I cannot see an end in sight. Until the Skids are 18, she will forever threaten custody to get what she wants...and she will get it.
We are planning to see a lawyer on Friday next week but HELP! I can’t seem to get my head around how she could even win & SO can’t seem to see her NOT winning should we end up in court. We are purposely NOT talking about it between ourselves because we don't want to fight about it...at least before we know what the lawyer will say.
Please tell me what you think...I feel like I'm losing it.
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Comments
Tell her to bring it on. She
Tell her to bring it on. She has shown VERY little interest in visiting or contacting her children and if she was serious about it she would be making a papertrail a mile wide for the past 18 mths. Which hasn't happened has it?
She has to prove your SO is unfit. Is he? IS he providing a dangerous environment for his children? Is he in trouble with the law?
Give your SO a hug and tell him that all bets are off and if she is serious about seeing her kids she better start visiting them on her dime. Seriously, she is pissing in the wind.
She refuses to put ANY of
She refuses to put ANY of these threatening conversations in writing...SO (against my advice) has taken these calls instead of making her put it in email...so there is no paper trail.
I have to wonder though...is there a chance in hell that she would win???
If I was her and I was
If I was her and I was serious about getting my kids back the papertrail would be things like plane tickets to see them at least once every 3 months.
And hotel reciepts form my stays with them.
I would have reciepts for parcels I have mailed to them.
Copies of my phone bill to show I call them every 2 days.
I would show I have been in touch with their schools with copies of their progress reports and grades. I would know their teachers names.
I would have artwork they have mailed to me.
I would have emails showing I requested a scanned copy of awards and very good work. I wouldn't need to original but I would want something I can print out and keep.
Copies of gift cards.
Copies of checks I have sent my Ex to provide additional items for my kids.
I would keep proof of emails asking for my share of medical bills or school expenses. THIS would be my paper trail.
I would have details of schools in my area with chosen best schools we could afford for our children. I would have this info at my fingertips. I would also make sure my domestic arrangements would allow for the kids to have a room each and a bed and storage ares like a chest of drawers.
And how much of THAT has she done? None. Because it is all about the MONEY.
They are not married. They
They are not married. They were married for 8 years, separated in 2008 (her in VA, him in TX) & divorced in 2009.
Oh Anywho. I wish i knew
Oh Anywho. I wish i knew where you were in texas so i can buy you a drink
Tell her to bring it on. She will NOT get custody of the kids that she see's one week a year. I'm guessing that just by the standard possession order in texas, and being long distance (which i joyfully know all about) she has the following POTENTIAL days to have SS and SD:
1. One weekend every month
2. The day school lets out until December 27th or Dec 27th until the day before school starts for xmas break
3. Every spring break
4. 6 weeks of summer
That is not including alternating other minor holidays. So out of a potential 92 days a year that she COULD see her kids under Texas Family Code... she sees them 7. A judge is going to laugh in her face. Also, obviously their original divorce decree is in texas-- meaning continuing jurisdiction attaches. Their court case is stuck in whatever county they got divorced in, until the judge in that county agrees to sign it over. From experience--- Texas is one of the HARDEST states to get a change of jurisdiction unless BOTH parties agree. Our BM and SS3.5 have lived in AZ since June of 2009, our judge refuses to allow jurisdiction to be released because BM filed motions in HER county before requesting a transfer; and DH still resides in that county.
Tell her to bring it. When she starts getting the Skids anywhere near the amount of time she was awarded in the divorce, then she can talk. Until then... tell her to fuck off.
Amen to that!!! ALSO!!! If
Amen to that!!! ALSO!!! If the alternating years is NOT in the divorce decree-then she legally would not be able to claim the kids anyway because having them for one week a year does not count in the IRS eyes so to speak-if that was the case-then a person could claim a family member that stays a week during holidays! (just as an exaggeration)
However everyone is correct about her having to move here to even get a revised CO. She will inevitably wind up screwing herself even if she does that! Here is why: she will have to have a job to support kids and they have to have their own bedrooms and furniture. In order for her to do that she will have to make more money than she is now, so if she was to do that you would simply file first and get MORE CS!!! She will not get custody of those kids, she would have to establish a pattern, and right now her pattern is speaking load and clear!
On a much more legal note though-tell your DH that there are to be NO more phone calls!! Everything should be in sn email/text/voicemail-PERIOD! (I would also check with the lawyer because I BELIEVE it is legal to record phone conversations in TX without the other persons knowledge) if you do that-it will only be a matter of time before she puts her own foot in her mouth!
Also, she does not have an established relationship with Skids from what it sounds like....depending on how long they have been divorced. But if push comes to shove-the kids are old enough to tell the judge who they want to live with....period!
Hang in ther Hunn! I hope that offers you and your DH some peace of mind, but I'm willing to bet that if he told her she would have to move to TX and at LEAST have a three bedroom apt/house for Skids-and that you fully intend on getting the child support RAISED if she does that....that her tone will change! Fight fire with fire...just be prepared and have accurate information, but it does not sound like there is any reason for a judge to remove them from your care, but I know the threat is scary-that is why she uses it!