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OT - Women Wednesday

Aniki's picture

By my recent blogs, you may have surmised that I will soon have the displeasure of being in the presence of Satan, er, BioHo. Yippee.

Over the years (yesterday marked my 7 year anniversary of joining STalk!), I have often been advised "Don't Go" to any events where the noxious (and obnoxious) 'Ho is in attendence. And part of me wanted to do exactly that to avoid her toxicity and BS.

Weeeellll... my DH and I are a team and, as his wife, I want to be by his side. IOW, not going is not an option. I'm more concerned that 'Ho will do something to hurt the skids than I am over anything she will say/do to me. This Valkyrie can hold her own.

But that doesn't mean I don't have anxiety over what will surely be a clusterf*ck, even if only in part. So. For those of us who plan to brave the unknown and wade into murky waters, let's share some tips!

 

  • Wear something that looks good AND makes you feel good. This dress I'm making LOOKS gorgeous. Add new leather kitten heals and purse and some lovely real and costume jewelry... Hope I can do that outfit justice! I also have some new clothes. Maybe I'll look for another big, floppy hat and channel some Southern Belle...
  • Be proud to be on your husband's arm. That's a given. I love him and still think he's HAWT. One look at those beaten up, scarred, muscular man hands that can crack walnuts or gently hold a baby make me weak in the knees. 
  • Be above the BS and NEVER sink to their level. Take the high road, even when it hurts. I'm sure I have scars in my mouth from biting my inner cheeks and tongue, but they are worth it! I'll be a lady no matter how much The Valkyrie wants to slap back.
  • Smile like I have a secret. I often give my DH a little "knowing" smile. Makes nosy people crazy. LOL

 

Whatya got, STalkers? Tips for those of us venturing into enemy territory. 

Comments

Gimlet's picture

I lack your flawless comportment, so a flask. Smile

The one thing I will miss about wearing a mask is now I have to learn to control my face again.

Aniki's picture

My dear Gimmy, my flaws are MANY! I'm not able to hide the outer flaws, but I can make one hell of an effort to hide the inner ones! 

Many years ago, I was given a beautiful sterling silver flask. Sadly, that was something psycho ex destroyed in a fit of rage because a man gave it to me. That man had been my boss and he gave those flasks to his bartenders. I mourn the loss of that keepsake. 

But you know I would never drink more than a single glass of white wine around 'Ho. Gotta keep the wits sharp. Constant Vigilance!!!

I do NOT miss the mask, but I will miss WFH when it ends. NO idea how I'll be able to stop rolling my eyes after all this time. Pretty sure Charles Atlas ain't got nuttin on my eye muscles!

Stepdrama2020's picture

You are my hero! 

Class grace and beauty overshadows HO any dang time.

You do know classless HO is intimidated by you. She has to be. Why? You and DH are a united team. You soar above the HO in every way.

I can see that chesire cat smile now. LUV this girl.

But I would add Gimlets flask for shitz and giggles.

Aniki's picture

You humble me, Stepdrama2020. I am sooooo far away from the hero side of things! Behind this facade of class and grace, The Valkyrie inside is fighing tooth and nail to get out and slap back hard. I fought a long time to cage her.

I have a strong feeling that 'Ho is NOT intimidated by me. I think she sees me as meek and mild and complacent. Then again, 'Ho is a moron. *diablo*

For some reason, whenever I smile at DH with my "I have a secret" smile, people think we're planning some bedroom activities. Ridiculous. Those activities should never be limited to the bedroom!

No flask. Sigh... Sober is a requirement and I would never disrespect Mr & Mrs SS21's dry reception.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Best it be that way. In control and smiling that secretive smile 

 

advice.only2's picture

Aniki you and your DH get it right. You for being classy and being there for your spouse, and your DH for setting boundaries, enforcing them.

Merry's picture

You know "All the world's a stage?" This is Theater of the Absurd. Enjoy the show. You are at once part audience and part character. And you play the part SO well.

And, watch 'Ho antics with curiosity--be curious, not furious. Like, Huh, I wonder what made her think orange was a good idea? Or, Huh, I don't think I've heard that combination of foul language before.

Aniki's picture

"And all the men and women merely players" - love me some Shakespeare!

Be curious, not furious. I like that! That's good advice for anyone. Biggrin

I'm am the epitome of Stoic Finn around 'Ho and say very little. And it annoys her... *dirol*

CLove's picture

Im in the "Go-er" camp. Dont let the sad sack of 'Ho diminish your life experience in any way. I apply that to my life - any time Toxic Troll threatened to go somewhere we were going to be, Im all for it.

Toxic Troll doesnt really go where we go, oddly enough. She doesnt do much at all and isnt working and doesnt have a "regular" man in town. And we live less than 10 miles apart. And its a small community where we are.

The one time last year, there was a celebration of life outside concert get together that she attended. She sat there and stared. I just managed to keep her out of my line of sight. All our friends were there and I had a great time remembering a pllar of our music community. I didnt really care how I looked. My hair had the gray roots, my nails werent done. But I had my Husband by my side and we were HAPPY. We still are, even with challenges and bumps.

Crazy Troll her sister, is the one we constantly bump into because she is always out there where we are.

Tips: Radiate happiness. Keep them out of your line of sight, acknowledge or not, keep that happy vibe going.

Aniki's picture

CLove, I don't plan to let her diminish this. My hope is she doesn't rain on the bridal couple's parade. 

'Ho is a YUGE advocate of covering the gray and having gel nails. My hair is going white (I've never dyed my hair) and, more often than not, my fingernails are bare. I couldn't care less about those things and neither does my DH. We do Us and we're HAPPY! Smile

All I have to do is look at my DH and that happiness will radiate like the sun. Thank you, darlin'!

CLove's picture

Funny - SAME with Toxic Troll. Shes always coloring her hair and getting her nails done.

Im way higher on the "natural scale". She curls her hair and mine is natural curls. And then she tells people that I curl my hair to look like her, or Husband "makes me" curl my hair.

Blessings to the happy couple, may their happiness outshine the 'Ho-shadows.

Aniki's picture

I'm YUGE on the natural scale! I grew up a tomboy and honestly don't know much about applying makeup or doing fancy hairdos. My hair is fine and fairly straight, so I do take some time to give it a little volume and wave, which is more flattering. But it doesn't take me long. When 'Ho bothers to dress up (I've seen pics), she goes waaaaaaay out: overly styled, heavily shellac'd hair; a ton of makeup; dress-that-cling-to-and-into-her-fat-rolls; hooker heels. It will be interesting to see how the Martyr of the Groom shows up.

Thank you, hon! I sincerely hope the 'Ho-shadows are at a minimum.

caninelover's picture

...Against people that wield the sword of drama and bring misery to all they touch.  I bet it kills Ho knowing she can't do anything to make you and DH miserable, Aniki.

During the pandemic I went months without coloring it (I usually do it at home but with nowhere to go there didn't seem to be a point!).  I also don't get mani/pedis (have only gotten two in my entire life) and usually just have bare nails.  I'm active and polishing them just seemed a waste of time.  I also walk around the house in frumpy sweats and an old T-shirt.  My SO still tells my I'm beautiful and I can be 100% comfortable around him.  

Slightly off-topic but once I retire I am seriously considering not coloring my hair anymore and letting it grey naturally.  I need to find something to keep it soft though as my greys come in coarse and wiry looking Smile

Aniki's picture

Happiness IS the best revenge, caninelover! I'm certain that 'Ho is confused by my happiness with a man she considers to be subpar. Then again, I don't understand how anyone could be happy with a kitty-whipped, mouse masquerading as a man. 

Do it! Actually, DON'T do it! As in, don't color it. One of my coworkers stopped coloring her hair before the pandemic .She is now fully grey and it looks wonderful! Her hair was originally red, but the color she was using was not flattering. Maybe red is a difficult shade to match??

I've heard that Mane & Tail is great for coarse hair.

caninelover's picture

Thank you - I'll have to look for it.  I love the look of soft grey hair - I think it looks elegant and stylish.  But my natural greys look more like spinster-hag-living-alone-with-50-cats soooooo....need to figure that part out before I stop coloring!

Edit:  Oh I just saw it was literally for horses but people use it too LOL

Aniki's picture

"...spinster-hag-living-alone-with-50-cats..."

LMAO!

Yes, seriously, Mane & Tail. A friend of mine has used it for years!

CLove's picture

It sounds gross, but I dont wash my hair every day  - maybe once or twice a week. But I condition EVERY DAY. Curly hair that goes frizzy and that gets colored needs loads of conditioning.

I also spritz with a hair oil. Or do coconut oil.

caninelover's picture

I 'wash' every other day though and condition every day.  Conditioners work well on my regular hair, its just the greys that have a different texture that are resistant little buggers!

Aniki's picture

I don't like to wash my hair every day either. However, menopause has taken a toll on my head/hair as I now have dry hair, but my scalp gets oily more easily. My solution? A little bit on cornstarch on the roots. But I can get away with that as I'm blonde. 

FinallySkidFree's picture

On the few occasions when I had to be in the presence of bum ass bit$%#, I always wore the most flattering wrap around dress and 5" heels. I also always put on my contact lenses and wore designer sunglasses. I would pull out my designer bags too.

I would walk hand in hand with DH and we always smiled and giggled at each other. The best revenge is glowing with happiness. Drives them mad.

Aniki's picture

My sister and I were shoe shopping in "the big city" when we spotted a gorgeous pair of strappy red leather stilettos. Naturally, we had to try them on! She strapped herself in, stood up... and sat right back down. She couldn't even stand in them. Meanwhile, I was literally dancing up and down the aisle. I used to be able to SPRINT in 4" stilettos. *wacko*

Aniki's picture

Why, Merry, those are my floor-scrubbing, wearing-nothing-but-heels-and-an-apron, lounging-in-bed shoes!

Aniki's picture

Alas, my days of 5" heels are over. On rare occasion (sans DH), I will break out some 4" stilettos, but those are my funeral shoes. *pardon*

No designer bag with my wedding outfit, but I have an eye for color and do a good job matching/coordinating. Smile

Yes, that glowing with happiness is maddening to the exes. Hence my "smile like I have a secret'. Wink

JRI's picture

This is a Class A BM emergency - the SK wedding.  So many things can happen.  When SD59 got married the first time, I pulled out all the stops.  Dress from Saks, beauty salon for hair, perfect makeup, etc.  I felt "polite and civil" would get me thru any interactions with her but KNEW I had to look my tippy top self.  I did.  Of course, it helped that I was younger, prettier and had bigger you-know-whats.  Lol.

  

Aniki's picture

I'm kinda out of my element at this point, JRI. Too late to get a dress. It's 20+ hours away and I have zero familiarity with any salons on that area (and the one experience I DID have with a "professional" hair/makeup person was a freaking disaster/nightmare). 

But I can do my own hair and nails very nicely. Fingers crossed the dress turns out (still handstitching.....). 

I'm 12 years older, but 'Ho has been told she looks 60 (2 years ago - lmao). My you-know-whats are smaller, but my bras fit and don't push the up and out. And my bra straps are not dingy! Evil Aniki believes she can outdress 'Ho if she wears sackcloth and ashes...

JRI's picture

From your description of her appearance at the graduation, I cant imagine she will look much better now.  Cant wait to hear all about it.