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Family photos with BioHo

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I KNEW that we'd end up going to the family photo shoot arranged by BioHo. <insert swears in multiple languages>

SS21 called DH last night and told DH he'd talked to 'Ho and basically begged her to let him and the future Mrs be part of the photo shoot. SS said that since he will be gone a year (or longer) in a dangerous area, he knows there is a possibility he might not make it back alive. While it makes me sick to even think about that, he's right. There IS a chance that will happen. God forbid. 

So this lovely young man whom I've come to love very much, sucked up his pride, called that twunt, and said he was sorry for how things have been between them. Dammit. 

Aaaaaaaaaand cue the texts from BioHo. Because, of course, we are now going to this farking photo shoot and have to be up before dawn's crack to shower, dress, primp, and drive there. Yippee.

Text #1: Directions to the photo shoot and instructions from the photographer.

Text #2: A link to a polo shirt my DH MUST WEAR.

Text #3: A link to a shirt Aniki MUST WEAR.


Let's take these out of order.

Text  #2: 'Ho wants aaaaaaall of the men to wear an orange polo. And it's the brightest, orangiest orange there is. DH took one look at that shirt and said, "I'm not wearing that f*cking sh!t. That CU Next Tuesday can f*ck right off with that noise." (DH loathes orange unless he's eating one or I'm wearing it. The color; not the fruit!)

Text #3: 'Ho wants aaaaaaall of the women to wear a yellow babydoll sleeveless shirt. Yes, BABYDOLL. And it's the brightest, lemoniest yellow you can find. I took one look at that shirt and said, "F*ck. That. One: I do not wear yellow unless I want to look sick." (I don't own so much as a yellow scrunchie.) "Two: No way in hell I'm wearing that style of shirt. Makes me look like I have fat rolls when I don't." (And it's more likely that 'Ho wants that style of shirt to hide HER fat rolls...MEOW)

So DH and I are in agreement that we are NOT going to a) buy those fugly shirts, or b) bother to try color-coordinating. And the gem of the texts...

Text #1: The instructions from the photographer. Guess what they say? (The words in CAP/bold came that way.)

  • NO polo shirts and NO logos (no idea why not...)
  • NO bright colors! Cool colors, earth tones, or pastels are highly recommended.
  • DO NOT COPY! No two people should wear the same thing. Showing your individuality makes for better pictures! (These are family photos; not wedding photos. Obviously, plenty of wedding photos have duplicate outfits.)


And the kicker...

Text #4: Wht cock tails u guy wnt (Evil Aniki is wondering why cocktails is two separate words...)

DH's response: We'll bring what we're drinking (coffee!).


I am so NOT looking forward to this - I'll want to stress eat carbs!


advice.only2's picture

SS21 is a good man, I pray he makes it back safely! As for the pictures all I can think is Orange and Yellow is going to look like a bunch of big birds lol. And babydoll shirts? No no no no no!! I am only in my 40's and would never wear a babydoll ever again, keep it in the 90's!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

He IS, advice. I know it's not my place to say/feel, but I'm so proud of him. Cannot begin to imagine the nightmare he lived under 'Ho's roof for 10 years. But for him to take the high road (although he did not actually apologize for what he said or how he said it, lol)... Much admiration from his evil stepmonster.

I'm trying to think like 'Ho... ~mentally chugs a liter of cheap wine~ Maybe she has it in her tiny brain that we'll look like a friggin' sunrise??? Blech. 

If I want to wear a babydoll, it's lingerie and not for public viewing. 'Ho's mother is 80-something. I'm sure that babydoll will look smashing on her....NOT!

Stepdrama2020's picture

Its not funny but kind of

#4 What cock tails....  maybe that was Ho's freudian slip LOL

Aint step life grand. Luckily you have a fab DH to get through this


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Stepdrama2020, do you think 'Ho's phone auto-corrected to words she uses regularly? *diablo*

That man better be pouring coffee so strong, my stomach lining cringes. But I do love him something fierce!

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

just reading the color scheme Bio Ho wanted everyone to wear. Of course Bio Ho did not read the instructions from the photographer because she thinks she is running the show and does not care what anyone thinks. I agree wear whatever you both want and are comfortable in. 

Good luck wishes your way for dealing with all this drama!

EDIT: You know what I just thought of that would be hilarious is if everyone else shows up in these awful colors and someone suggests to the photographer to just make all the photos black and white so people don't get sick looking at the array of bright obnoxious clothing

Aniki-Moderator's picture

NYASM, that is pretty much what I said to DH. 'Ho probably thinks the photographer is an idiot (we all know 'Ho is the idiot!).

Thank you! The next 2 weeks are going to sorely test my patience and sanity. *wacko*

Kes's picture

Yellow and orange - excuse me while I pass the barf bag.  She does love to try and control, doesn't she?  Trying to make people wear the most awful colours she can think of - I'm surprised she didn't advocate fluorescent lime green! Personally, however much I loved SS, I wouldn't go to this event.  You could get your own photos with him on the day. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

~passes Kes a YUGE barf bag~

Oh, yes, 'Ho loves to control. Should I text her and suggest fluorescent lime green for those under 20? They can sit/lie down at everyone else's feet and be the grass!

We'll go. DH is not about to pass this up now that SS21 is going. And this is the first time all of the skids will be in one place since Christmas 2019 at our house (SD28 and family were no-shows at 'Ho's).

BethAnne's picture

Is she devious enough to tell you and your DH wear clothes that she knows you'll hate and look bad in just to spite you while everyone else has been told another dress code? Or am I giving her too much credit for creative thinking?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

BethAnne, she might be, but SS21 was grumbling to DH about "those ugly-ass shirts mom picked". 

Evil Aniki can't help but wonder if 'Ho has somehow recycled that fugly, bright yellow shirt she worn 3 years in a row for 3 graduations. Maybe she found a fool of a seamstress who remade it into a fugly babydoll... *bad*

IDontCare3117's picture

Quit playing coy and innocent, Ani.  You know you've worn carefully placed orange slices and nothing else for you DH.  

CLove's picture

But even here those are pretty harsh. Better in a tank top or bikini at the beach or poolside, or on nails.

Just NO!

'Ho doesnt know no.

Weddings are generally pretty earthy tones or pastels - the whole point is that the lovely bride stands out and is "enahanced" by her surroundings, not competing with it.

And seriously, around here, only the tourists wear matching polos. Just - someone needs to pop that lil bubble of hers, pronto.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

'Ho doesn't know no.

DingDingDingDingDing!!! You nailed it, CLove. Heaven forbid anyone should tell 'Ho anything contrary to what she has her teeny weeny mind set on. 'Ho doesn't want the bride to stand out. Or anyone else. 

My DH wears polos almost every day. That's just his style of dress. But they're well-made, expensive polos. Not cheap caca on Amazon.

Do you think I could sell raffle tickets for popping 'Ho's lil bubble? Or maybe we need a group trip? *lol*

Cover1W's picture

This is crazy but hilarious.

What I also don't understand is she wants people to get 'those shirts' with less than a week before?  Nope.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Especially considering we leave in less than a week and Amazon Prime is not always on time... 

Plus, DH does not have an Amazon account; I do. If he wants anything on Amazon, I buy it and he pays me back. Guess who will NOT be buying that fugly shirt? *dirol*

caninelover's picture

ROFL - cock tails HAHAHAHAHA


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Right?! *lol*

Who else thinks that first word is used frequently on 'Ho's phone? Anyone?

caninelover's picture

It probably autocorrects it to that since she uses it so much!

JRI's picture

You realize how we are all waiting for the details, right?  Have you endured the bridal shower yet?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

No to the bridal shower. They're 21 hours away, so I never expected an invite. Thank goodness because I dislike bridal/baby showers.

Back to handstitching...

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I do, too!!! LOL

Seriously, though, this dress is a lesson to be learned. I was so captivated by the beautifully embroidered lace that I did not stop to consider all of the work it would entail. It is too delicate to sew by machine and every seam has to be reinforced (binding). I finished the binding on the sleeves last night. What remains is:

  • Sew the zipper to the bodice of the dress
  • Measure out pleats in the skirt panel, tack, and attach the panel to the dress
  • Finish sewing in the zipper (it's a hidden zip)
  • Attach the sleeves
  • Hem the sleeves

Dash 1