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OT - Women Wednesday

Aniki's picture

Maybe I should retitled this Wellness Wednesday...

I'm beginning to feel that anyone who has not been affected by this quarantine crap is lying or inhuman. Even those whose jobs seem to continue as-is are showing some mental fraying, including my two rocks: DH and Dad. 

For my rocks, their tolerance level has thinned. It's not that they're losing patience with people. Rather, they are less tolerant of crap and get their points across more quickly and end a conversation. 

My sister, who goes into work every day, is being an asshat. She's a social butterfly and the 'rona is cramping her style. She and a few of her friends have been meeting the entire time. In restaurants or coffee shops when they're open. On the down-low when things are closed. She's so damn snippy that I've limited contact with her. Sorry you're PO'd, sis, but take your 'tude elsewhere. I'm not having it.

Me? I am not an extrovert and my social contact has been intentionally limited for quite some time. 

But I'm suffering.

Multiple zoom meetings a day have pushed me waaaay beyond my comfort level for human interaction. While I was never one to disclose much, coworkers seem to think everyone wants to divulge personal info. How about NO? 

I stopped listening to the news months ago because of the negativity. The violence is absolutely appalling. DH gives me the high/low-lights and tells me what I need to know ("Baby, your fave coffee shop will be closed until X date.").

I check my email every 2-3 weeks. Family members have been pushing their vitriol so hard, I'm surprised my mailbox hasn't required toilet paper and air freshener. Frankly, if they weren't related to me, I'd've blocked several of them weeks ago. 

The last several weeks, I've been reliving the past and trying to make sense of things that continue to elude/baffle me. Ugh. 

Funerals of those I love and care about have gone unattended and it bothers me. One friend of mine hasn't hugged her 97yo mother in 7 months and is distraught over it. Another friend was hospitalized, courtesy of her husband. Her working from home has escalated the abuse she's been hiding. Heartbreaking.

I thought the time saved by not commuting meant I would accomplish tasks at home. The only thing I've accomplished is not gaining weight. That cabinet is still in the box. The kitchen remains unpainted. The plush animals I meant to make are still lengths of uncut fabric. I'm unproductive because I'm depressed and depressed that I'm unproductive. I feel like a failure in so many ways.

The one thing I have is that my cooking creativity has increased and that DH has been open to trying new things. I don't know if it's his way of "carrying" me through this long Black Dog episode, but I'm eternally grateful that he's so solidly here for me.

If you're struggling like I am and have trouble reaching out to people, please try to find one thing that gives you joy.

XOXO

Aniki

 

Comments

Cover1W's picture

I agree with this.  It's getting tiring.  I love remote working personally, but really sometimes prefer to be in the office depending on what I'm dong/meeting needs - it's just fast to do some things in person. But we're shut out of going into the workplace until at least 12/14 - IF the C19 is under control. Just sat through another C19 institutional update meeting and it was DEPRESSING. Not enough people are following the restrictions and it's going to blow up even more.

This INCLUDES YSD and BM's family. Who are coming from 3 different places and meeting at another location - but YSD says, "only outside." YEAH RIGHT. In the middle of November, in a rainy, windy horrilble weather area you're all only going to meet OUTSIDE? Even for the MEAL? I was PO'd and let DH know it. YSD tried arguing but I shut it down by saying, "DH, read the State restrictions to her, I'm not going to debate this."

I'm tired. I am taking next week off totally. Haven't vacation timed since January. Tomorrow I take the car to the dealer for a necessary fix - and will be happy to do so (out of house, in a safe area, I can work in their customer work area) and get freaking sushi for takeout.

Next week is cooking and baking.  I'm taking a break from house projects until after the holidays as I've done enough for now.

Keep busy - get outside (a huge thing for me is getting out sometime in the morning).

Aniki's picture

We're WFH for the remainder of the year and it won't be a surprise if it's extended. The only thing I miss about working in the office is the printer. I've adjusted so well to WFH that I dread going back to the office.

Wow. In a big cave in the woods and BYOB means Bring Your Own Blanket? I know people who've had outdoor gatherings. Um, hello! You're eating food that everyone else breathed on. SMH

I've taken to driving to remote areas or hitting the beach when the waves are crashing so I can scream. No, not a mountain lion. Crazy Aniki is letting loose!

JRI's picture

I hope you are keeping that dark depression at bay, Aniki.  Your kind, funny, insightful presence is so precious to many.

Aniki's picture

Not sensing, JRI. The Black Dog is riding pillion on my mental motorcycle and we're wrestling. 

Thank you so much for your kind words. *give_rose*

CLove's picture

Well, as my world has continued to shrink, my netflix repertoir has expanded. Our pattern, DH and I, weve gotten into a total rut. We dont really cook anymore, its either a a pan fried steak, broiled ribs, or baked chicken, with steamed veggies. He occasionally visits a brother who is isolated. He occasionally goes fishing if its nice. We are getting along well.

Ive just been working every day at the office that is sectioned off into rooms, with 2 other folks who dont go anywhere and who dont do anything and who are being very cautious.

So some Welllness things that I am working on changing:

1. I got a mountain bike a few weeks ago. DH revealed that he has a bike rack to use to haul 2 bikes, which is a good start.

2. I am reading that the "numbers" in my zip code are what is cause the closure of the entire county. For example my zip code is over 200 new cases this past week, and the rest of te 32 zip codes are barely above 20...which is a great encouragement to work on herbs and foods that boost immunity. To lead to #3...

3. Im gearing up to cook a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for myself, Munchkin and DH. Small turkey, homemade gravy and mashed potatoes, with candied yams and traditional stuffing. Super basic. Its my FIRST time doing this!

4. So, because we are in purge mode, DH took this past Monday off, and tossed a small leather couch (dog pee) and a cat tree, as well as an old dryer on the side of the house. Freeing up some space in the living room #2, for us to move things around and get rid of more...leading to...

5. The Great Kitchen Purge. Ive discovered Im a fod hoarder. In preparation for cooking a Thanksgiving meal, I am going to kitchen purge and reorganize and clean. 

6. Ive been hiking 2 saturdays in a row. Getting more and more challenging each time. Awesome views, mountains, moss and nature, ocean.

So - thats where I am this Wednesday!

Aniki's picture

CLove, I read that as "He occasionally visits a brothel...". Whoopsie!!!

We're in the same Thanksgiving boat as I will be cooking my first turkey for DH and me. Oy. As much as I love to cook, I'm intimidated by that bird!

Glad to hear you're doing well! *kiss2*

CLove's picture

Hes the absolute LAST person to visit brothel hahahah

Im trying not to freak myself out. It doesnt help that my mother would take a whole week to prep everything, with multiple steps to everything, and everything cooked to perfection.

Im going to just focus on the basics...not overcooking it. lol.

Aniki's picture

Yeah. I have to work and don't have a week. The best I can do is bake a pie the might before. DH said something about 2 pies and I just raised an eyebrow. "I guess two pies is a lot for two people. Is pumpkin okay?" *dirol*

MissK03's picture

I'll be doing my/our first thanksgiving too! SO's brother normally does thanksgiving (so he has always gone there) and my aunt does thanksgiving. We normally would do both (with skids) his brothers first then my aunts. SO has a big family. He is the youngest of 4 and between the 4 of them are 12 kids. Plus, now all the older ones with their SOs. So his brother can't do thanksgiving because of the amount of people at his house. My aunt would have the same problem with her husband's family. 
 

So we are doing thanksgiving for us and his parents. We are going to smoke a turkey breast and make a bunch of sides. I always make pies (everyone loves my blueberry pie) and SOs cheesecake is a staple in his family. (His grandma's recipe) 

Overall, sad we don't get to hang with everyone but, there won't be any running around. We always have a big LCR (dice game) game going on at my aunts but, oh well HOPEFULLY next year. 

Aniki's picture

MissK03, I wonder what the percentage is of Thanksgiving first-timers?

I <3 blueberry pie!

advice.only2's picture

I'm sorry to hear this Aniki, this year has been an a$$hole for everybody! Take some time for selfcare, we forget ourselves when we are working so hard to keep everybody else together.

I work fulltime at work all day and come home to a kid who had been homeschooling since March and is dying to talk to humans and get out of the house. So when I get home I spend a lot of time talking, cuddling, and making sure her needs are met.

We haven't been outside of our tiny sh*thole town since December of last year...okay I haven't. DH is able to telework and has gone on travel several times. He was also able to go see his grandmother before she died, but I could not attend as I would have to use my own leave to quarantine should I leave this sh*thole town.

Aniki's picture

Excellent assessment of 2020, AO! I cannot begin to imagine what this is doing to school kids. Sad

I don't travel much, but being stuck in town for almost a year would make me nuts.

Merry's picture

I'm one of those people living a relatively "normal" life. I go into the office five days a week. We all have private offices. But I miss the hallway conversations and I miss the folks working from home. I gave staff the option of being in or staying home. Productivity has not suffered, so I don't care about location. I just miss the PEOPLE that I care so much about.

I wasn't that social prior to COVID. I have lots of friends, just not many where I live now. But I miss live music and getting together with the few friends I do have here.

DH and I are getting along beautifully. He's missing social action more than I am, but then he's home all day alone. We're cooking a lot -- lots of fresh fruits and veggies. I also bake a lot (my therapy), so weight gain. I need to get out and walk more.

All the political drama heaped on top of the pandemic drama has really amped up my anxiety levels. My doc even added a medication, but I couldn't tolerate it. WIll wait a bit and try a smaller dose. 

I'm tired. But I'm not worried about paying my bills and keeping food on the table, so I consider myself so, so fortunate. I do try to focus on at least one beautiful thing and one thing I'm grateful for every day, and that truly does help.

Aniki's picture

Merry, my office's productivity has not suffered either. Possibly because no one can have hallway/ cubicle conversations! *lol*

My DH has actually started helping in the kitchen as opposed to 'getting underfoot'. It's a bit of a shocker!

24 years as a SM's picture

I am very lucky in some ways, being an introvert and working from home before the Covid hit. The hardest I see hit, in my area, are the kids. YGS17 is having a really hard time not having his usual routine of school, not visiting friends. He had a really bad week, a couple of weeks ago, when one of his friends committed suicided. No one knows if it was due to all the restrictions and distancing or a combination of other issues. A lot of parents have been chatting on Fakebook about their concerns of the kids mental state with all the restrictions. 

Our county has gone backwards with the COVID since Halloween, the numbers are climbing with new cases, but our county website is also showing the numbers of people that have recovered.

  • County population 100,000
  • Number of tested     25,766
  • Total cases                    929
  • Active cases                  201
  • Recovered                     719
  • Active in hospital               4
  • Deaths                               9

All the bars and restaurant were opening back up and no one was following the rules, now we are paying for it again. I absolutely hate wearing a mask, the only time I leave my property is for grocery shopping once a month. I see in my YGS17 the depression setting in and try everything possible to help him. He has Zoom meetings with a counselor to help him, even my DS43's doctor visits are on Zoom, I am not sure how well that works out, but his doctor does not want him anywhere near a person that could possibly have Covid.

Hang in there, Anki, we will all get through this with each others support.

Aniki's picture

Aaaaawwwww, poor YGS17! How awful. Sad

I hate the mask, too, and only go to the grocery store as needed. Everything else is delivered. 

Hope things start looking up for YGS17. 

DPW's picture

I feel ya, sista! I'm in a slump too. I have not accomplished anything and am working too hard and taking on too much work stress, bringing it home with me. My nights include getting up three or four times and smoking a cigarette and stressing about everything in my micro-world and my macro-world. I took a mental health day on Monday, didn't even tell SO, just so I could be alone and simmer down. I needed it. Didn't care about anything. Also booked 10 days off at Christmas because I'm desperate for a chunk of time off as I haven't had anything longer than a long weekend since March. 

Take a few days off, you definitely deserve it. 

Aniki's picture

Oh, yeah. I'm working through my lunch, working after th end of my workday, think of work constantly... blech.

Wish I could take off some time, but I'm out. I took the day after Thanksgiving... Honestly, a 2-4 weeks might help...

MissK03's picture

I Can. Not. Wait. For all of this to be done. The summer wasn't too bad. We were bike riding, hiking a lot, going to the beach so staying active. Now the cold weather is here and it seems like it is going to be a longgg winter. 
 

I haven't had the house to myself (even for a few hours) since March! I use to enjoy my few hours on my late night at work where the skids were at school and SO at work. With schedules it hasn't happened. Skids are back to remote with no end in sight. 

Work is exhausting every damn day. I am a manager for a grocery chain and it has not been easy. BUT, thank god I have my job which clearly wasn't effecting by covid. I am not a "work from home type" I would have lost my mind if I had too. I praise everyone doing it. 
 

2021 better bring positive vibes. 

Aniki's picture

I'm one of those who loves the cold. Standing in a secluded area, knee-deep in snow, with wind blowing fiercely and waves crashing on a icy shore... I feel so alive. I'm desperately awaiting that snow.

MissK03, kudos to you for doing that job. Not for me!!! *give_rose*

Kes's picture

I am so sorry you're struggling, Aniki.  Here in the UK we've had national lockdown for 2 weeks which is going on until 2nd December - ie no non-essential shops are open etc.  We are not allowed to see anyone who doesn't live with us - divorced families excepted.  You're right - it's incredibly depressing.  I've been watching the USA's covid figures since March and for the last few weeks the daily new cases have been well above 100k every day.  I have occupied myself on dry days by digging a new rose bed in the garden, where to bury my doggy's ashes, come Spring.  It's tough, and winter has barely started. Sigh.  

Aniki's picture

Thank you, Kes.

This is certainly a crazy, screwed up time. So sick of hearing "the new normal". NOTHING about this is normal. And social distancing? Pffffft. That has been my way of life for many, many years. I understand why people are... rebelling, for lack of a better word (more coffee needed). 

Some of us are good little drones (like me); we stay away from people and wear that damn mask. But this is wearing on people. Those who use the mask as a tool for criminal behavior need to be throat-punched into next month. I've begun to wonder if humanity will ever recover. 

So sorry about your furbaby. {{{HUGS}}}

TheAccidentalSM's picture

OMG Aniki.  I hate the black dog depression.  I feel for you.  It hasn't hit me and fingers crossed it doesn't.  Keep pushing through it.

My life has been work/sleep 24/7 since 18 March with three exceptions - outdoor anniversary lunch for me and DH, outdoor birthday lunch with DH for his birthday and socially distanced lunch with DH, OSS and MSS + GF.  Slight exageration as I do cook every night but that's 30 minutes a day max.

Christmas may be cancelled but I've still booked 2 weeks off.  I need it.

Aniki's picture

Thank you, TASM. That Black Dog and I go 'round and 'round. I'm so thankful for my DH as he recognizes when I'm sinking and always finds ways to pull me up. 

Enjoy your two weeks! That sounds great. *yahoo*

Winterglow's picture

DH had symptoms last week and tested ... positive. So I bundled my daughters into the car and we went and got tested too. Here's the fun part:

  • me - positive
  • DD1 - negative
  • DD2 - inconclusive (she just can't do things like everyone else, that one).

The doctor told us that DD2's results were inconclusive because she was either very early in an infection or at the tail end of on (apparently asymptomatic).My money's on the latter. Sooooo, we all get to wear masks at home too! Yippee!

 

Winterglow's picture

Thanks Aniki.

I think we've been very fortunate in that we had very mild cases. In my case, it was simply headaches, tired eyes, huge fatigue and complete loss of taste and smell. DH had the cough and a slight fever but has been working in the garden the whole time. DD2 has been completely asymptomatic and I hope that continues. DD1 has managed to avoid catching it. We have been very, very lucky.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Aniki's picture

Glad to hear it! 

I'll try. Evil Aniki is threatening to withhold coffee... Wink