OT - Women Wednesday
Maybe I should retitled this Wellness Wednesday...
I'm beginning to feel that anyone who has not been affected by this quarantine crap is lying or inhuman. Even those whose jobs seem to continue as-is are showing some mental fraying, including my two rocks: DH and Dad.
For my rocks, their tolerance level has thinned. It's not that they're losing patience with people. Rather, they are less tolerant of crap and get their points across more quickly and end a conversation.
My sister, who goes into work every day, is being an asshat. She's a social butterfly and the 'rona is cramping her style. She and a few of her friends have been meeting the entire time. In restaurants or coffee shops when they're open. On the down-low when things are closed. She's so damn snippy that I've limited contact with her. Sorry you're PO'd, sis, but take your 'tude elsewhere. I'm not having it.
Me? I am not an extrovert and my social contact has been intentionally limited for quite some time.
But I'm suffering.
Multiple zoom meetings a day have pushed me waaaay beyond my comfort level for human interaction. While I was never one to disclose much, coworkers seem to think everyone wants to divulge personal info. How about NO?
I stopped listening to the news months ago because of the negativity. The violence is absolutely appalling. DH gives me the high/low-lights and tells me what I need to know ("Baby, your fave coffee shop will be closed until X date.").
I check my email every 2-3 weeks. Family members have been pushing their vitriol so hard, I'm surprised my mailbox hasn't required toilet paper and air freshener. Frankly, if they weren't related to me, I'd've blocked several of them weeks ago.
The last several weeks, I've been reliving the past and trying to make sense of things that continue to elude/baffle me. Ugh.
Funerals of those I love and care about have gone unattended and it bothers me. One friend of mine hasn't hugged her 97yo mother in 7 months and is distraught over it. Another friend was hospitalized, courtesy of her husband. Her working from home has escalated the abuse she's been hiding. Heartbreaking.
I thought the time saved by not commuting meant I would accomplish tasks at home. The only thing I've accomplished is not gaining weight. That cabinet is still in the box. The kitchen remains unpainted. The plush animals I meant to make are still lengths of uncut fabric. I'm unproductive because I'm depressed and depressed that I'm unproductive. I feel like a failure in so many ways.
The one thing I have is that my cooking creativity has increased and that DH has been open to trying new things. I don't know if it's his way of "carrying" me through this long Black Dog episode, but I'm eternally grateful that he's so solidly here for me.
If you're struggling like I am and have trouble reaching out to people, please try to find one thing that gives you joy.