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Aniki-Moderator's picture

A friend (we'll call her Rachel) has been dealing with a medical issue for several years. It does cause her discomfort on occasion, but is not fatal and does not shorten her time on this rock.

We met for dinner last night. As soon as the waiter took our order, she immediately launched into a tirade about how her doctor's office never called her back. 

A year ago, Rachel decided to discontinue the treatment, calling the doctor's office and telling his nurse quite adamantly that she was DONE. FINISHED. FINITO. No more appointments. CANCEL THE NEXT ONE. Don't forget to insert a bunch of swear words in all of that. Not how some of us would've ended things, but Rachel is a hothead and... prefers to passionately slam proverbial doors shut. *unknw*

Anyhoo, Rachel is ticked off because... it was one year (the 12th) and neither the doctor nor any member of his staff has bothered to call and check on her. Mmmmm-kay. So she fired off an angry letter how she cannot believe no one has bothered to check on her in all this time and how unprofessional they are. "Isn't that a bunch of BS, Aniki?!"

Queue a flabbergasted Aniki... "Um... Rachel, you were very emphatic when you called last year and said you were done..."

Rachel, "Can you believe those effers called this morning and asked if I want to come back?!"

A: "Oh, uh..."

R: "I told them to F*** Off! A year and no has bothered to check on me. A YEAR!!! I should report them to the medical board! Don't you think so?!?!"

Apparently, this is me being the A...

A: "Well, no, I don't. Maybe they thought you found another doc..."

R <interrupting>: "They should've checked up on me! That's they're GD job! You should be on MY side! YOU'RE BEING A TOTAL B!TCH!!!"

And she proceeded to throw down her napkin, stand up so abruptly that her chair fell over, grabbed her purse, and stomped out of the restaurant.

I picked up her chair, asked the red-faced waiter if it was to late to cancel her food order (it was not) and put both glasses of wine on my tab. 

AITA for believing that her reporting that doctor and his staff to the medical board is wrong? Any suggestions for a better choice of words?


ESMOD's picture

No.. you are not an AH.

Seriously.. I almost hope for your sake that she is "done .. finito" with your friendship.. it must be exhausting to deal with her sometimes.. haha.

I have no idea why she thinks that doctor's office was obligated to keep her on their books.  Shoot.. just by the kind of call laced with profanities.. they were well within their rights to cancel HER as a patient.. their staff is not paid to deal with that crap.

But.. she told them she was doing the golden flounce.. so they had zero obligation to continue to follow up with her.. she told them she didn't want to be their patient.. seems fairly clear to me that ended their relationship.  The only obligation would be to provide records to her next dr if requested.

Then they were confused because she contacted them.. so they thought.. well.. maybe she didn't mean to fire us?  but no.. she DID mean to.. just wanted them to endlessly chase after her? no.. there aren't enough hours in the day.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

ESMOD, everything you wrote us exactly what I was thinking. 

And she IS exhausting. I used to see her fairly regularly. Once I took my part-time job (on top of full-time), I've only seen her 3x in the last 15 months. After that overly dramatic exit, I have no plans to contact her again. If she calls me, I might be busy...

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Your friend sounds"a lot." Of course you aren't the AH! Neither is the doctor's office. She told them she no longer wanted their services. They are not her mother. They are a business. If it were a life-threatening condition, it would be a nice thing for a clinic to call and try to convince a patient to change their mind. But even then, an adult of sound mind is allowed to refuse treatment, even if most people think it's a huge mistake. I swear, the same people who would complain the loudest that a medical provider did not "chase" them are also the same people who would file a complaint that a medical provider "harassed" them and did not respect their wishes. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Rumple, I'm thinking the doc and staff decided to forego trying to convince her after her hateful tirade. I can understand being cantankerous when you're upset, but she was out of line. Wouldn't put it past her to file a complaint. If so, hopefully, it will be laughed at and dismissed. *wacko*

notsurehowtodeal's picture

You were not wrong in any way. Even if she hadn't fired her doctor, why would they be calling to check on her? Isn't it up to her to contact the office and make appointments when she needs them?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My thought, too, notsurehowtodeal. It's probably a rarity for a medical office to beg a patient with a non-threatening condition to return for treatment. 

JRI's picture

Anki, your plate is too full with 2 jobs, DH, SKs  a house and moderating this site.  (Thanks.).  You don't need this drama.  Consider it a blessing that she has removed herself from your orbit.

Just don't be surprised if she calls a year from now and blasts you for not checking on her.  Seriously, she doesnt sound well mentally.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

JRI, if she calls again, I'll likely let it go to voicemail. Since I rarely answer the phone, getting vm is no surprise to anyone.

As for that full plate... For as far back as I can remember (pretty far), my mother always said I charge full speed ahead everywhere I go. I can slow down on rare occasion, but always feel antsy about being inactive. I can't even watch a movie without doing something with my hands! Maybe I'll learn to slow down one day. *smile*

CLove's picture

She should be ashamed of herself, the way she conducted things. Treating people like that. If you are canceling treatment, you politely decline more appointments, you dont swear at the folks. If you want follow up calls you let them know politely.

And if you are a true friend you dont call them a total b!tch if you ask for their opinion and they give it and you dont agree.

Maybe time to let this one go.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

She should be, CLove, but we both know there are those who feel no shame over their outrageous actions. Or even place the blame on someone else. Rachel could be crabbing to another person how what I said upset her soooo much... blah blah blah.

And you are so right! If you ask for an opinion, you should be prepared to hear things you won't like.

Thumper's picture

You are NOT an A**

She's an ass.

I would have told her the same thing Aniki.

Some people take all the air out of the room. She is one of them. 

Sorry that you had to sit in public with her during her temper tantrum.  (((HUGS)))

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Some people take all the air out of the room. She is one of them. 

Thumper, that is spot on! Funny thing; I wasn't the least bit embarrassed. And instead of having to be upbeat and energetic, I pulled a book out of my purse and enjoyed a quiet and delicious dinner. *biggrin*

Rags's picture

Ummm. Rachel, is a dumb ass.

She ceased to be a patient when she fired them.

And no, a medical practices job is not to check up on patients. It is to treat patients who engage that practice for medical services.

Rache, bless her pathetic little heart, is an attention grabbing look at meeeeeeee victimhood seeker.  If i were the med practice she reported to the medical board, I would sue her for defamation.

Good riddance to her departure from your life. Do not, under any circumstance, let her back in.  If she tries, and I project that she likely will, reject that with a confident "I am not comfortable having you in my life due to to your character issues".

IMHO of course.

Take care of you Aniki. You are definately not the AH.  Rache on the otherhand... totally the AH.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Rags, you are correct that Rachel is an attention grabbing look at me type. I suppose since I am not that, it enables her to get more attention. 

I don't think she could be sued for defamation. I do think if she's foolish enough to report them, she'll be laughed right out of there. Ridiculous to believe there is anything to report.

When/If she contacts me again, I won't comment on her issues. Why add fuel to whatever fire she conjures? I'll simply be too busy, which is not a lie!

Lillywy00's picture

She sounds like a neurotic, irrational, emotionally un-intelligent/unstable attention-seeking person... to say the least 

If her medical condition was mental health related then hopefully she continues to seek treatment. And I'm not saying that to be facetious but seriously because lot of people out here neglecting their mental health which is just as important as physical health. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Yes, she does, Lilly! Her medical condition is not mental health related. We can go with... skin tags (it's not lol). Rachel smokes pot and consumes edibles. Kinda scary to think what she'd be like without them... *shok*

BTW, I hope you're doing well, Lilly! *give_rose*

thinkthrice's picture


Harry's picture

Don't have anything going on in there life. no friends. Nothing going on in there life.  There FORM of entertainment is "fighting".   ' fighting " with the DR.   'Fighting " with the waiter/ waitress .  "Fighting" with tge hair person.   Then  entertaining part two. Is to retell the stories ..

It's not like he going on vacation / date. To talk about.  You have enough drama in your life already and really don't need or want this.  I bet she buys things just to return them..  can go shopping with out costing her anything.  
'It's your life.  You live it the way you want. With the people you want to have in your circle 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Oh, she has a life, Harry. Two adult children (one married), two grandchildren. I think her form of entertainment is actually Drama - though she may use fighting as a tool to create that drama. 

This is certainly a prime example of why holding on to an old friendship solely for the history is not worth it. I prefer to fly under the radar and go unnoticed. Rachel is obviously the opposite. She has been on the far edge of my circle for almost 10 years now. Time to proverbially push her off the edge. *biggrin*

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Sound advice as a grounded friend - you told the reality and she did not want to hear it. If you would have gone along with her tirade do you really think that would have helped? It would have strengthened her resolve, dissolved you into her angry tirade and no one would have been better for it. Of course empathy in situations can help but I just see the end result of this woman being option a: Angry at you, waiter and the doctors OR b. Angry at the doctors and probably the waiter too. Either way she remains angry. It sounds like she is going to need to hit rock bottom.

Side note- two years ago I befriended this lady who was always a victim, feelign abused, hurt by this and that- I spent an entire YEAR of my life trying to be empathetic and soon I started to meet the people she was talking about and the layers started coming down from this painted reality - I soon realized she was either going to be miserable with me OR miserable without me. I choose to remove myself from the misery. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

IP, I think Rachel expected me to be outraged on her behalf, which I would have been if she'd actually been ignored. Certainly not enough to lose control, spew bile, knock over a chair, and make a soap opera-worthy exit! Had she been ignored, I would've been sympathetic and tried to help. She wouldn't be the first for whom I've played medical appointment secretary. 

I'm baffled by her outrage. Maybe the treatment didn't meet her expectations. Maybe she has a personal clash with the doctor or a staff member (we've all met someone who puts our back up). Regardless, it's irrational to expect a business to retain contact with you after you fired them. 

Rachel likes:

  • To be in the middle of things. I do not.
  • Gossip mongering. I'm interested in knowing the Why of things, but have zero interest in repeating. 
  • Attention and being noticed. I expect reasonable attention from my DH, but have no desire to be 'in the spotlight.

Whatever we had in common is either gone or not enough to maintain this disastrous association. I won't add any fuel to her gossip fire, but plan to be less communicative and unavailable for future outings. Gray Rock is ON. Rachel will have to be miserable without me.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

That's my plan, Catmom. If she calls or texts, I'll take a day or ten before responding. And I have no shortage of reasons as to why I'm too busy to get together. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

You are such an introvert at heart.  She must be painful for you to deal with even when she is on her best behaviour as she is an extrovert drama queen.

Life is too short for drama.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

TASM, yes, it's painful and exhausting. TBH, I felt a ton of relief after her dramatic exit because I no longer needed to exude so much energy!