So for the short time that I have been a member here, I have noticed that for many here the only way you semi keep your sanity is to disengage from your skids. This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I’m thinking that it’s the only way I will keep from going crazy and stressing all the time.
Things have been getting progressively worse at my house with the skids lying and disrespecting me, my FH, and our home. I reached my breaking point and had a break down about it. I would talk to them unless they asked me something first. I pulled away from doing stuff for them all the time, like cleaning up because they are such slobs at our house and I would get sick of the mess and clean it myself. I stopped buying them things because quite frankly they didn’t care anyhow. I basically would come home from work and go up to my bedroom and watch tv or do stuff around the bedroom like fold laundry and stuff. FH didn’t like that I was being so antisocial, but it was peaceful, but on the other hand, it felt like I wasn’t welcome in my own home. Like I was a prisoner and could only go in certain places. It was starting to get to me, but by that time it was the end of the week, and since we have 50/50 custody, which meant I had the next week of peace. So I go a whole week of just me and FH and things were great. THEN the next week comes, the skids are back…
So at first they are okay, not terrible. So I started to not be so antisocial and was around them more. I wasn’t totally stressed, but it wasn’t peaceful either. Friday we had a major incident of SD bringing her cell phone to our house and calling BM and BM calling her all the time, but she kept it on vibrate in her book bag so we wouldn’t find it (SS and SD aren’t allowed to bring them because A.) we have our own phones for them, and B.) BM only uses it as a tracking/harassment device to find out what is going on ALL THE TIME or for SD to call her up with fake sob stories about how she thinks it’s so boring at our house-sorry our week, don’t need BM unless there is an emergency!). So she had been sneaking the phone even though she knows that her brother just got in trouble for this same exact thing, but for some reason she thinks that she is beyond the rules. So FH and I were furious that she was lying and sneaking, so he makes her clean her room, which needed to be done, but that is something that should be done anyhow, right???? So my thought was that when she was done he would give her, her REAL punishment… WRONG! Everything just goes back to normal like nothing ever happened! I couldn’t believe it! I was so mad, and I even reminded him that “you know you still didn’t tell SD what her punishment is yet”. Yeah, he wasn’t interested, like the time had passed so he wasn’t worried. So I was all mad, and it wasn’t until last night that I really got thinking that if I would have just stayed away and not been involved, then I wouldn’t be stressing about it. I know it sounds so simple, but I just don’t want FH and skids to think that I just don’t care about anything either.
So skids go back to BM on Monday morning. Last night I am making dinner and FH is looking everywhere for an IPOD that he has. I told him it was in this one drawer just last week, well it disappeared. Then I got to thinking, SD had one that looked the exact same in her book bag over the weekend, but she told me right to my face that it was from BM’s house. I didn’t think that she would have stolen it, but yep she did! And I remember her playing with my IPOD the other week and asking all sorts of questions, I guess she figured I would realize mine was missing and FH wouldn’t notice. I swear it’s like we can’t even live in our own house. I hate it! I told FH that it’s like I have to check all bags before they leave our house to make sure nothing is leaving that shouldn’t. I was so mad! And what made it worse was that I felt that the kids before these problems arose, were actually being a lot better last week. Like SS said “can I take these video games to BM’s house” me-“you need to ask your dad” ss-“well I just wanted to have both you and dad’s permission”. I felt for once like I actually mattered, but this is from SS not SD.
I can’t take the stress and the constant worries about what is going on all the time, for those that have chosen to disengage where there any negatives that resulted? FH/DH mad about it, not like it? Skids worse? Or is it the best thing you have ever done?