SS got in trouble at school
Like I need more problems in my life. SS hit a boy in gym class and the boy had to go home with a swollen jaw. The school called and I had to leave work early today to meet with the vice principle. DH had meetings all afternoon and couldn’t leave work but apparently my time and job are less valuable, so I had to go deal with it.
From what I can tell, in gym class SS took a basketball and threw it as hard as he could at the side of one of his classmate’s heads when he wasn’t looking. The other boy has called SS names before so SS was probably retaliating for something, but he won’t say what and the boy that was hit said he didn’t say anything to provoke him. But it’s no surprise if he did since no one in SS’s class likes him due to the way he acts.
SS is the tallest boy in his class. He’s not the scrawny kid or the weak kid. He’s the bully here and the other kids don’t like him because he’s a jerk, hasn’t even tried to be nice to anyone and doesn’t participate in group projects or in gym. He constantly has a stupid look on his face like he’s oblivious to everything.
Why do I have to be the “mom” of the weird antisocial kid that tries to decapitate other kids? I didn’t go to school at SS’s school but I know many people there since my mom used to teach there. It’s so embarrassing having to walk in there and have everyone look at me like I’m the bully’s mom. I want to hold up big sign that says “I didn’t raise this kid, it’s not my fault!!!!”
His BM would be sticking up for him with some excuse like it was an accident or he didn’t mean to do it or the other boy started it. But that’s a load of garbage. I know he meant to do it and I wouldn’t want my kid in his class if he’s going to start being violent.
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Ah yes - I won't sign papers
Ah yes - I won't sign papers for things like that. I refuse. Dh doesn't support me in discpline therefore I will not sign my name to accept responsibility for wrongdoings of SS.
This happened to me at the after school care when SS was still attending. I had to sign a paper before they would release him. I told the front desk guy I couldn't sign it, they said they couldn't let him out. Sooooo... I was debating what to do - like you, DH was in a meeting - this was before I disengaged.
I called DH, he didn't answer. BM hates me so I debated having them call her - but decided the fallout from DH wasn't worth it. So I took a picture with my phone of the paperwork, I made it clear to the poor front desk guy that I was not pleased to sign on SS's behalf, I signed. I emailed DH the paperwork, I made him look at it when he got home and nothing was done....
Therefore - I vowed the next time I am asked to sign a responsibility acceptance paper for SS6 wrongdoing I will refuse stating I am just the SM and have DH called. If DH can't come, I will have them call BM and I will be leaving.
I refuse to accept responsibility if I am not allowed to deliver punishment. End of story.
SS has had multiple in school suspensions and notes to be signed by parents sent home - so far he hasn't had another one on my pickup day, but everytime I get in the car to go pick him up, I prepare myself to stand my ground.
I'm trying to disengage and
I'm trying to disengage and this is what I would like to do. I don't want to accept responsibility for a kid that isn't mind and barely acknowledges that I exist. He hasn't said a single word to me since I picked him up.
I can't call BM. She's in another country. It's all up to DH. He works farther away and he makes comissions on sales, so when he's busy, he works works works because it can seriously boost his pay. Not that I mind that but why do I need to pick up his parenting responsibilities for his bully?
I have a philosophy on this
I have a philosophy on this that I actually heard from a child-care "expert", and it's one of the few things I've heard from an "expert" that I actually buy in to. It's called the agony principle, and it applies to my biological child as well as my step-children. Goes something like this: I will not agonize over my child's behavior when he is totally capable of agonizing over it himself. In other words, I will not cut my day in half to go get his crazy ass at the school, will not wait on him to get ready in the morning, etc. My SS14 knows not to call me if he gets in trouble at school because I WILL NOT leave work to go pick him up because he felt like acting the fool that day. He can call his BM or BF and if one of them wants to get him, that's fine. Or he can walk home, makes no difference to me.
I want this one... <---
I want this one...
<--- MINE
HIS ---->
I feel your pain. I used to
I feel your pain. I used to volunteer at SD's school (because I enjoy it not because I'm trying to be a good SM). I got there one day and the kids were at lunch. Other kids returned from lunch. SD did not. Teacher called the office and sure enough, SD was in with the principal. Teacher tells principal I am actually there. I have to deal with the fallout of SD threatening to kill another child. Nice.