Today is Princess' 16th Birthday
And I'm glad I'm not going to see her. DH is giving her his "old" car. It is an older car....about 9-10 years old, but in EXCELLENT shape, and something we still use on the occasions when we each have need of a four wheel drive (we live on a mountain, so 4-wheel comes in handy in the winter). He is GIVING it to her, flat out, for her 16th birthday. :sick: I suggested maybe having her buy it from him for a little bit, just to instill a sense of responsiblity. Nope, princess doesn't ever have to work for anything and how dare I suggest such a thing. Oh well, he ought to be glad that I have nothing in this vehicle or this WOULD NOT be happening.
So, he's taking her today to get her permit. She does work 1 night a week as a Hostess at a local restaurant, surprisingly enough. She announced the other night that she was going to work tonight even though it’s her birthday because nobody is going to be home at her mom’s house. I didn’t know that DH was getting her out of school today, so I commented that her father would be home at our house. She said “oh, I’m spending the day with him”. Oh good for you sweetiepie…a whole day with your dad….way to go! Then I said something about being sure that my DD would like to see her on her birthday, because my daughter LOVES SD. So, SD said, oh, I’m sure I will see her Saturday.
Believe me, I’m glad that she’s not going to be at our house tonight, but all the same it kind of ticked me off that she basically said if her mom’s family was going to be home she wasn’t going to work and that her dad’s family (me and DD) didn’t matter, because she was spending today with her Dad. I guarantee the only reason he was getting the privilege of seeing her today was because she was getting that vehicle, and being taken to get her permit. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have seen her.
The BEST part is that I only
The BEST part is that I only have 2 more years to deal with this....woohoo. I'm already grooming DH into accepting how it's going to be when she graduates HS, and he doesn't have to have anything to do with BM anymore. I figured I would start now because he can be a little hard-headed...lol.
Oh dear I hope not! I know
Oh dear I hope not!
I know what you mean about the car. I know, even though it's older than mine, but only by a year, it definitely has less mileage than mine does!
Oh my, I would be pissed
Oh my, I would be pissed too!! I wonder who is going to end up paying for her car insurance. What happens when your daughter is old enough to drive, will she get a car too?
Well, look on the bright side, you don't have to get her a Bday gift that she probably won't appreciate.
Good Luck!!
The BEST part is that I only
The BEST part is that I only have 2 more years to deal with this....woohoo. I'm already grooming DH into accepting how it's going to be when she graduates HS, and he doesn't have to have anything to do with BM anymore.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh hun..if only this were true.
I get that you are stung by the rebuff...but this one I would let slide off and just count your lucky stars that she is not coming to your house. LOL
I am on the fence about the car. I think it is ok to gift a car to a 16 year old...BUUUT they need to be responsible for gas and insurance and upkeep.
It's so interesting to me
It's so interesting to me what constitutes a princess. Take me for example, lol. By all accounts, I was a princess. "Dadeeeeee" bought me a car so that I would be able to drive to and from the college he paid for in full. Of course, I got good grades, graduated within 4 years, respected authority- basically did what was asked of me. And while I always considered myself incredibly fortunate, I had never thought I seemed like a princess. Now looking back, I wonder how many people were looking at me like that. I never caught on to any resentments or jealousy, but I was also conscience of my peers who had to struggle financially. Just felt grateful and lucky.
Also, even though I was literally given everything I needed to start my adult life (school, car, and yes a wedding), I grew up to be completely independent with a hearty work ethic. By 23, I had a decent job that paid my rent and even had enough at the end of the month for my fancy shampoo vice. And while I enjoyed my independence with its accompanying struggles, I always knew my parents had my back in case of trouble. For that, I am also grateful but wonder now if it made me look spoiled to others.
I don't think it makes you a
I don't think it makes you a princess at all. It's all about being thankful and appreciative. My dad is very generous with me and my family. When I graduated high school, I joined the army. He gave me $4000 towards a new set of wheels. This was twenty years ago, so that was a decent chunk then (and now) but I wasn't a brat. And I thanked him. And my relationship wasn't based solely on the exchange of funds.
I think most parents want to help kids to the extent that their funds make possible. I intend to do it for my bios. It doesn't make them spoiled, in my opinion, because that isn't the sole basis of our relationship. They aren't going to refuse to speak to me if the car isn't up to their standard, or if money is tight and I can't contribute as much as I'd like. I would never dream of giving my pops the cold shoulder because he didn't buy me something.
Thank you. This thread has
Thank you. This thread has me questioning whether or not you should financially help your kids. We are saving now for our little girls' college and I'm sure they'll get a car. My father grew up very poor and he always told me how happy he was to even be able to do those things for me. Like you say, it was given in the spirit of generosity and taken with gratitude not entitlement. But reading through these responses, it seems that the general consensus is that helping your kids will stunt their maturity.
Yup! But my steps are a whole
Yup! But my steps are a whole other story. We were held hostage (in an emotional sense) for years and our relationship WAS based, maybe not in it's entirety, but pretty damn close, on gifts/money/material goods. And this girl? She ain't got time for dat.
I have zero guilt for closing the international bank of daddy. And if any of my bios treat me or their father in similar fashion, well, it'll close down for them too.
Who me? What does my DH have
Who me? What does my DH have to do with anything? Did you know I was speaking about 20 years ago?
We gave a 5000 car to OSD and
We gave a 5000 car to OSD and it had a 30 day warranty. The headlights were hinky, we told her repeatedly to take it in and get it fixed for free. Which she did not. Mammabear started in how we got her a piece of shit car, and how we needed to pay for repairs. She refused to take care of it, it was a huge headache. Then, she refused to pay insurance. So my husband flew into her state, and got himself off the title. She does nothing np but complain about her POS car. But she's been driving it for four years now. Then, BM had the nerve to request a car for the YSD. Uh, no. You can handle that one lady.
This might make you smile,
This might make you smile, when SD turned 17 her "mommy" bought her a car and all was well and good until she started getting the insurance bills, over $125.00 a month...wah, then she got a flat tire and had to buy a new one, double wah and then it needed an oil change and just recently it did not pass inspection because it needs 4 new tires.....WAH DADDY!!! Thank goodness "Daddy" just said, "yup that sucks". Let her enjoy the car today because it will cost her a pretty penny to keep it running. SD is constantly complaining about the cost of gas and how her entire paycheck that comes in goes out. DH told her, welcome to the real world. Hang in there
I'm kind of on the the fence
I'm kind of on the the fence about the car too
Both of my H's daughter's were handed cars, with insurance paid..DH's eldest when she turned 16 and YSD at 18 (she waited a bit before getting her licence)
The step-parents (me included) contributed to the insurance part
I didn't see anything wrong with it
But, if they are spoiled princesses who don't appreciate it then that's a different story of course...
Also, when my nephew turned
Also, when my nephew turned 16 I gave him my old (in almost new condition) car. Completely free. Now, in his case he didn't appreciate it. And yes, I regret doing it and still think he's an entitled brat for it