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Bracing for the battle, name calling and hate

JMC's picture

Sunday afternoon I wasn’t feeling great so I told DH I was going to take a quick nap before we were to meet some friends at the local pub for a Superbowl party. DH’s phone started ringing and didn’t stop – SD19 called 3 times in the course of one hour. I couldn’t help but hear parts of his conversation and knew something was up when I heard him tell her I was lying down but he’d ask when I got up. I knew if he was going to tell me about her calling it required money because he never mentions when either skid calls unless they want something.

SD19 recently put her car in a ditch and got a ticket for no proof of insurance. This was the one thing we stressed to her when she got the car from her BM’s stepdad – she was responsible for the insurance. Her court date is next week and if she provides proof of insurance, they’ll probably dismiss her ticket with a $100 reinstatement fee. If not, our state levies some pretty hefty fines ($500-$1000 with 3 month suspension of license plates). SD19 works and attends a junior college. She lives with SD23 & SD23’s husband and supposedly pays them; she’s also supposed to have chores around the house to help pay for her upkeep. SD23’s husband had this all figured out before SD19 moved in – he’d take part of her check for rent and also put a chunk in the bank for her so she wouldn’t blow it all – don’t know what happened but it didn’t work out that way. Now SD19 is asking to borrow $300 from us to pay her insurance, so she says. However, according to her F/B postings, she went on a shopping spree Saturday. She also goes and gets mani/pedi’s every week and gets her hair cut and/or dyed every other week. She smokes like a chimney and is always going out with her friends. Seems she has money for everything but her insurance and/or responsibilities. SD23’s husband is wanting to have SD19 drug tested – wonder what they’re not telling us??

When DH was telling me about it, he said he didn’t know if it would be a good idea to bail her out or not – now he’s having second thoughts. Evidently she’s been trying to get a loan from different loan companies and even pay day cash places but they all want a co-signer. She asked him to ask me if he could co-sign for her. My response was that since he was unemployed and was no longer drawing unemployment I didn’t see how he could co-sign. I don’t want him to anyway because I’m the one who would be paying it because she won’t even make the effort to pay it back. We tried to get her to take out a small loan just to establish credit when she was waitressing and making really good money – did she listen? Nope. DH did tell her that this was going to cause bad feelings especially if she didn’t pay it back.. While we were at the Superbowl party, she texted him “n e luck?” I’m guessing that meant any luck talking me into giving her the money, ummmm, NO!

I hate living like this – this stresses me out to the max, especially the dread of having to put up with hearing how he can’t do anything for his kids without a fight with me, blah, blah, blah…..


JMC's picture

I'm all about the tough love approach, especially after trying to help for so long and getting kicked in the teeth everytime. I get nothing but disrespect from the skids, so why should I bail them out again and again? However DH associates tough love as me being a bitch to his kids "because they're not mine" - ugh!

I'm expecting him to go take the money out of our savings account and give it to her - if he does, I will make his life miserable, starting with having the internet and Direct tv disconnected and cutting his cell phone off. He can go live at his mommy's or move in with the skids.

I'm also wondering it SD19 isn't asking for part of the money to give to BM; BM has a court date this week for theft. She stole a digital camera before Christmas from Walmart...duh!

JMC's picture

I did point that out to him - he didn't answer. He knows I wouldn't piss on BM's head if it were on fire. She pulled this crap on us before, back when we were supporting SD19 & giving her money for her expenses. BM 'borrowed' gas money from SD19 & at the time SD19 wasn't working so it was my money going to the bitch! I went into a major rage and told SD19 she would never see another penny from us if she didn't get that money back. BM tried it again a while later but we were on to her and I threatened her and SD19 if SD19 gave her any money.

Milomom's picture

I just want to say that I'm really SO tired of the "poor BM" reputation that these BM's have in people's minds.

Some of these "poor BM's" who are collecting massive CS$$$ from their ex's have more income (that is not only instantly liquid, but totally tax-free to boot!) than many working people in this damn country!!!!

(Milomom steps off of her soapbox)

Milomom's picture

LOL Maux!

I stepped off my soapbox just so you could get up there to support me, so thanks! lol

You can share a soapbox with me ANYTIME, Maux, ANYTIME!!

I hear you!!! Why was I NEVER a "POOR BM"?? I had the stupidity to educate myself, wait many years until I was financially stable/secure before I got engaged, chose NOT to bring ANY children into this world until I was ready & capable of supporting them MYSELF (no matter what may happen with their father), etc... Pfft!! Seems like "Poor BM" lives on "Easy Street" compared to how MY life has been!!

Hey, isn't that term "Poor BM" a bit of an oxymoron in the first place?? Kind of like "Jumbo shrimp"? LOL!!!

LizzieA's picture

I'd let her hang. But---if you end up giving her money, pay it directly to the insurance company. Not to her. DH's kids had to learn some heavy lessons. SS got a DUI, passed out at the wheel and went into a ditch on the highway--trooper found him, fortunately he wasn't hurt and the truck was barely damaged. So no license and a bunch of fines and when he does get it back, he'll have a $2-$3K bill each year for the 'special insurance' he'll need....DH contributed 0 to this fiasco. Esp. since he warned SS that night to stay put while partying. But bozo had to head for home while exhausted and still glad DH is doing tough love with them, I don't think we'd still be together if he bailed them out. They enjoy the reality show lifestyle and are always in trouble/drama/crisis.

Milomom's picture

JMC, stick to your guns!! I call BULLSHIT on your SD19's manipulative games & requests for your DH's $$.

Let's add this all up and see, shall we??

Manicure/pedicure = $25 weekly ($100 per month)
Haircut = $25 every other week ($50 per month)
Hair coloring = $25 every other week ($50 per month)
Cigarettes = $50 weekly* ?? ($200 per month) - *I'm not a smoker, so no clue if that's accurate

So right there, that's $400 per month she's spending NOT INCLUDING THE SHOPPING SPREE that she went on on Saturday!!

Maybe if you point it out THIS way to your DH, just stating facts (or a small "spreadsheet" if he's more visual) and numbers, he'll get it that there's absolutely NO REASON WHATSOEVER to loan $300 to SD for car insurance when she had every opportunity to pay for it herself with her own goddamn money!!!

Geeze, this stuff is really annoying and frustrating, no???

Just the fact that these annoying little texts & phone calls come to your DH in the FIRST place from the leeching SD is enough to put anyone over the edge. I get it, I do.

JMC's picture

I'd love to give her a spreadsheet of her expenses! This kid is already getting grants to go to school. She told DH she would pay us back in March when the next grant comes in...yeah, right. Heard that before, from both SD19 and SD23. DH thinks she's also giving the boyfriend money; he's the same one who'd knocked her up three times now - no kids, she's had abortions - we found out after the fact.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Question: Do these types of BM's pass down some form of training manual, or something to their daughters? :?