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And cue the stage entrance

Aeron's picture

And she's back....

So after a (very peaceful) year - it looks like SD19 is "going to try to rebuild" her relationship with her dad. He hasn't heard from her in a year, not since the co-pay call. However, DH got laid off and because I'm probably stupid, I told him he needed to notify her before the insurance was gone so she could find an option and not get slammed unexpectedly. Of course, we don't actually have any contact information for her at this point.

So he calls BM. I hunt up her place of work on Facebook and he leaves a message. He calls his sister who does have SD's phone number who sends her a text message. BM calls back - screaming - that she has been paying for SD's insurance for the last year screw you very much, never ever call her again. Ok fine. So I tell DH well then no worries. If the kid has insurance, no biggie, we can not worry about it anymore.

Then around 4 hours later SD calls. And after a bunch of nonsense, her calling him by his first name, a bunch of you abandoned me, blah blah, she calms the eff down and tells DH yep this is her phone number and she is willing to accept his calls, though she will not be calling him first at all. That they can try to rebuild a relationship.

Fun highlights -
She and BM both twisted DH saying he will not pay her medical bills into he will not carry her on insurance anymore - which is super funny because we know SD has still been using the insurance as we've received the EOBs for her dr visits. Which DH told her. Her response? Better make sure someone wasn't posing as her and using her name illegally.

On top of which, she claims she was paying for her own insurance all by herself. Funny, cause BM said the same thing. And it's DH's fault SD got fined during tax time because of lack of proof of insurance. He told her she had the insurance, if she needed the paperwork just ask and she can refile her taxes.

She's pissed DH didn't notify her at All about her 2 little sisters. Again, fun bs. Because not only did DH actually speak to her about DD2 and got the response of "good luck with your do over" but the sonogram copy we sent was returned to our lawyer and the text following her arrival was met with basically, I don't give a eff. For LO, we had no number, no address, no email and DH is blocked on all forms of social media. So, no, no notification. She heard through her cousin.

She was "homeless" for the Whole Last Year. And again I call bullshit. Because there are pictures on her mom's Facebook of them moving in with the new stepfather and setting up, painting SD's new room.

So DH is super optimistic and I get it, it's his kid, he wants to be part of her life. He is being somewhat realistic because after getting off the phone he told me that she talks just like her mom and he knows she lied to him at least 3 times and he's pretty sure she exaggerated through much of the rest. And then jumps into how will we handle introducing the girls to her. I told him let's see how his rebuild goes for a while first because it might be easier to not add in other complicating factors for a while.

I'm just hoping this isn't going to start the ridiculous cycle of drama and anger over again. But I think that's a pretty vain hope. Cause really, we don't have enough going on to deal with right now....

Comments

hereiam's picture

Trying to rebuild a relationship takes two; if she is not willing to put forth any effort, she basically just wants him to chase her.

My DH has a daughter that I rarely talk about, who is estranged from DH. She pulled the same bull; calling him by his first name, tried to put a guilt trip on him about HER decisions, only contacted him when she wanted something, the whole bit. She cussed him out and called about a year later, to try to put another guilt trip on him. He was DONE and we have not heard from her since and that was probably 3-4 years ago (I have lost track but let's just say she has 4 kids, 3 of which we have never laid eyes on).

Aeron's picture

I told him I could understand if he wanted to go with the only him calling for a while. But that maybe he should consider (and discuss with a therapist) putting a time line on that and after x period having a talk about relationships being a two way street and that she needed to hold up her end too.

She definitely went into the she was just a kid (16 and older) when she was telling him to eff off, never call her again, stay out of her life, leave her alone, stop harassing her and that he should have been the adult in that situation. To which, once again, he replied how was I supposed to push through that when I had no way to contact you? Her mother certainly wouldn't let SD use her phone. And for a lot of it we were a pretty lengthy plane ride away so it's not like just dropping in for a hi and door in the face was reasonable. So yeah, they have a long way to go. I don't have great hopes.

robin333's picture

No good deed goes unpunished. She's an adult and therefore owns some of the responsibility to mend and maintain any relationship.

kathc's picture

I know there are some who will crucify me for this but with an ADULT skid like her, sometimes it's better if they just go away and are never heard from again. At least not until she can act like a decent human being. You have two very young children to raise and protecting them from that toxic mess is part of being a good parent.