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Very Strange & Sticky situation and I NEED some guidance...

AlreadyGone's picture

As some of you know, I left my StepHell back in 2012. Other than a few odd encounters, I have stayed far away from the people and insanity that I walked away from back then. (It has been total BLISS! Smile )

Three nights ago, I received an email from my xSD telling me that she had been sexually assaulted by a male friend. She went on to say that 'she had no one to talk to and didn't know how to tell her family, since none of them cared about her anyway.' (*Note* She is mentally unbalanced and quite Histrionic.) Naturally, I did not respond as this is no longer my problem. I don't know why, but it was really bothering me, to the point I couldn't sleep. I happen to know that xSD keeps an online blog and has for years. This is a PUBLIC blog I should say. (She actually sent me a link to it years ago, so that I could see what she really thought about me. Needless to say not pretty, but I digress.) IDK, morbid curiosity or whatever, I went to look at this blog. What I found was the same tired diatribe, nobody loves me....blah, blah, blah. Then I looked at recent entries. On the night of this alleged 'assault' there is/was an entry. It talks of getting s*it-faced to the point of falling down, smoking weed, watching porn, and then having a f*cking orgie with her friends.... verbatim! Followed by an entry about finding out that she loves porn and intends to start buying DVD's for herself. 'Nuff said, she's playing games again. I click off and go back to bed.

The next day I get a phone call from my xH. I didn't answer, just let it go to VM. Later that night, I listen to VM and he is all freaked out and sobbing about his little princess, then says "they got the guy." Apparently, she told daddy, and he took her down to the police station to file a complaint. The guy was arrested for sexual battery. YIKES!!!!!!!!!
At this point my mind is racing. I remember what I read and TBH, I believe she's lying based on her blog. To be sure, I go back and re-read the blog. Then I go to look at her FB. There it is, pictures of her and her friends (including the alleged abuser) on the very night/early morning of the alleged assault. She doesn't look drunk at all. All smiles and taking selfies until the wee hours of the morning. Fast forward a week and suddenly she was assaulted. She didn't remember herself but, her friend told her she witnessed it. Then I start googling Twitter b/c I just know she has an account. Sure as God made little green apples... Pics, selfies, talk of being wild, 27 and luvving it! All on the night/early morning of this alleged assault. Plus, all smiles and giggles, going out with the same friends in the week that followed. Hell, the very next night!

Now, I have this sick feeling in my stomach. This guy's life will be ruined. Forever a sex offender, etc. I wasn't there, I don't know what happened. I do know that xSD is a pathological liar. I do know that she lives in unreality. I do know that she has made up stories before. I also know that xH, BM, and extended family always clean up her messes for her. I decide to go back through everything and take screen shots of it all, and put it in a file on my PC.

I called my xH back and listen to his rantings, then I ask him if he's aware of her blog. He says No. I explain what I saw/read. I talk him through how to view it himself. Mind you, ALL of this is on display to the PUBLIC. He says he's going to read it and will call me back. When he finally does.... hours later, he proceeds to tell me that he believes her story. WTF?????? I explain that if she is lying, this man's life will be totally ruined. I beg him to take a day and really think it through. I ask how he would feel if someone did this to him. I remind him that she has lied about very serious things in the past. I even tell him that if she is lying and the police find out, she will be facing charges as well. Finally, I end the phone call.

Fast forward to this morning... the blog has disappeared. Deleted. Her FB posts since that night... deleted. Same thing with her Twitter account. Why?

As I said before, I wasn't there. I don't know what happened. What I do know is that clearly, she was a willing participant (based on her blogs) and was proud of it. What do I do with this? Do I act as though it never happened or do I make the local law enforcement aware of this? I never told xH that I took screen shots of everything. He probably thinks he saved his princess yet again. Of course I am set on doing what's right. In my book, the police should have ALL of the information before moving forward. Someone's life hangs in the balance here.

Let's hear it people. Weigh in for me. Offer some moral support, or tell me to MYOB. I'm not even sure how to proceed as I don't have this man's full name. Plus, it isn't my problem anymore.... except morally, it is.


Maxwell09's picture

Part of me says stay out of it but then majority of me says that they can't hurt you anymore so why not? You do not lie about being sexually assaulted and you do not ruin someone's life because they rejected you (I have a feeling the guy wasn't in to her like she was to him and she found out after the fact). I would turn in the information you have either to his parents or his lawyer. The police...maybe give them a copy anonymously. If she is lying then she needs to learn from this. And honestly since she's cried wolf before then how could you not help him. Maybe you could just find the boys address and just mail it to his family so they can do with as they feel necessary and you won't be involved as much. Bottom line: I would do it and I would tell princess the next time she wants to involve you in her games--DONT.

Indigo's picture

I would contact the police department. Explain you have some information which may or may not be pertinent to an alleged assault. The defense lawyer and/or the prosecutor should be notified. You can only attest to what you saw. Keep to the facts but the deleting of the blogs and Facebook posts are relevant.

You don't have a dog in this fight and it's not your job to worry about guilt or innocence. Think of it as stopping to give a witness statement if you watch a traffic accident.

Good luck

ChiefGrownup's picture

As a citizen it is your problem, yes, it is. If you don't turn over the info you are courting obstruction of justice charges yourself.

Call the cops in the relevant jurisdiction. Tell them a woman you know has made rape allegations and you were given to understand an arrest was made. You believe you have relevant evidence to turn over. They will probably put you through to the detective at that point. You have the name of the alleged victim, that should be enough to get you to the right person.

Stay neutral as you talk to the cop. Just say you received the phone call from the girl so you looked up the online stuff and took screen shots. Then you received the call from the dad and advised him about the online evidence and later noticed all the online evidence had disappeared. So you thought in the interest of justice you had better turn over your screenshots.

Don't make any statements about the girl being a liar or make much of your past experience as her stepmother. Stick to the bare bones facts, like in Dragnet. You can even say you don't know if it's important evidence or not, you leave that to them to decide.

Really, you must do this.

still learning's picture

Great advice Chief. It already seems like you want to do something since you took screenshots of everything. If it is further investigated it won't matter that she deleted everything because anything you post on social media and blogger sites is archived, it never really disappears.

As a mother of sons I really hope you do something. It's awful how many men get slapped with convictions over stupid crap that a woman said. Maybe he rejected her, who knows but to ruin someones life over it is evil.

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carriedear's picture

Submit the info you have to authorities immediately. Police will seize her computer and it does not matter that she deleted the posts, they can still find them. An innocent man is about to have his life destroyed. Don't stand idly by.

moeilijk's picture

I think this is a very difficult position to be in. Seeing that it bothers you enough to post here about it, I think you are the kind of person who has to be able to take the 'right' action as much as possible to be comfortable in your own skin.

So if you have or can easily get contact information for the police or the young man's lawyer, see if you can just pass along the info you have. Maybe it makes a difference, maybe not. But at least you can live with yourself.

Glassslipper's picture

^^^agree, if you give it to just one side, it may not be properly used to prove or disprove the case.

Glassslipper's picture

I worked for years in this field, I now work as an expert witness in these cases:
1st: odds are HIGH this guy will not get in trouble depending on how agresive your county DA is. If I had a dollar for every accused that walked away uncharged, I'd be a millionaire.
2nd: Turning your information over to the police will do NOTHING for this guy! It will get filed and buried! The DA is out to pursue proof, not protect the accused! Both parties, the DA and the guys lawyer need this information.


NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

WELL, if it were me, I'd have to act. If it were my son that has been arrested ....... I bet it would be super easy to just call and get the detective working the case and to end it to him via email. Maybe you could even do it anonymously . But someone's life hangs in the balance. They should have all the evidence and they can take their investigation from there

twoviewpoints's picture

Reread what she wrote Sue. Pay attention prior to blowing your hot air.

"NOOOOOOOO you CANNOT be charged with "Prosecutorial Misconduct" because YOUUUUU are NOT the PROSECUTOR. That term refers to the misconduct of a DA and has NOTHING to do with a person who is totally unrelated to a case. It doesn't even refer to the defense attorney or anyone else WHO IS related to a case. It ONLY refers to a prosecutor."

She never wrote it did.

What she wrote:

"Anything that you have salvaged must go immediately to the District Attorney in the jurisdiction prosecuting the case. He/she[**] will use it to determine the validity of charging the man and will be forced to turn over this potentially exculpatory evidence to the Defense. Failure to do so would be Prosecutorial Misconduct[**]. If you discover that they have NOT turned it over, you need to contact the defense atty and make sure they know of its existence so that they can make a specific demand for it.

ctnmom's picture

OK, I woke up my son, who IS a lawyer, and told him about this. Already, he feels you need to take the screenshots to you nearest POLICE station, not the district atty at this point. They may or may not want you to talk to a detective. He said cooperate but don't "run your mouth". LOL he's grumpy because I woke him up! So take that for what you will. He IS a lawyer. Keep us in the loop.

AlreadyGone's picture

Thanks for all the replies. Many valid points and concerns. I really appreciate all of them.

As I stated, I wasn't there and I don't know what happened. This is why I believe with all my heart, that the authorities need to be made aware of ALL information pertaining to the night in question. I can only hope that through proper investigation, the truth will be uncovered. I can not simply let it go, knowing that someone's life is or will be, forever changed by this incident. Whether it were my son being falsely accused or my daughter suffering from a sexual assault. Both are equally important.

I only mentioned xSD's past because of it's relevance... since a good predictor of future behavior is past behaviors. What I didn't count on was my xH selling his integrity just to circumvent the law to protect his D at any cost, even if it means another person's life. Maybe I should have. I mean he is an X for a reason. :O Still, I know what I need to do. Just wish I didn't have to be involved at all, really. I'll be much more careful to ignore emails and phone calls in the future.

I'll keep you all posted as to what (if anything) happens. Thanks again for all the replies. You all rock!


onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

absolutely you should say something to the police. Imagine if that boy was your son, I would just want the whole story out there.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Get'er, I had not read your response when I posted mine. My first line was more about some controversy upthread.

If she does get her own atty she should know that the atty is an officer of the court, at least in the U.S. There is no fifth amendment right to refrain from giving evidence that tends to incriminate somebody else so the atty will have little grounds to advise her to do anything but turn it over.

I think the sooner she rids herself of the evidence by turning it over the better off she will be in every possible way.

ChiefGrownup's picture

There is no way you need your own attorney. And for god's sake do not conduct your own investigation for your "conscience" or any other reason.

The defense will get the evidence during the process of discovery.

Since you do not know the boy's name, I felt there was no reason to advise you to turn the stuff over to the boy's attorney at this point because you have no way of figuring out who that person is yet. If the case goes further and his name and team become known to you and you have any doubt about the screenshots being turned over to the defense, you should mention it to them at that time.

My policy when it comes to any sort of criminal infraction whatsoever is to come clean as early as possible. If the girl and her parents are entering into a conspiracy to falsely incriminate this boy, I would want to make it crystal clear I was in no way connected to this conspiracy. Turn over your evidence then walk away. You'll be fine.

If you hang on to this stuff you'll be fretting and if a defense attorney ever does need it and finds you had it all along that atty will be suspicious of you if you have to testify. Come out as a neutral right this second and chances are you'll be able to walk away from this affair with neither side having any further interest in you. Hoard this info and hostilities possibly may arise.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Anyone who seriously writes long diatribes about how other people don't know the law but then inadvertently reveals they have no knowledge of the rules of discovery has given me quite a laugh for the day.

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MommyMayI's picture

There is no harm in taking what you have to the police. You don't really know what sort of proof they have on this guy, but they may need more information. How could it hurt to go to the police? I mean you aren't part o these people's lives so who cares if they get upset. If you don't say something then there is a chance an innocent man may go to jail.

AlreadyGone's picture


I called the local PD and they said they couldn't give me any information, as it is an ongoing investigation. So, I explained that I wasn't asking for any information but, that I may have pertinent information to the case. I was then transferred to the dectective who was assigned. I told him exactly what happened from email to phone call. I didn't tell him that anything was deleted, (let them figure that out for themselves) trying to maintain some personal distance here, for my own sake. I was asked why I felt the need to take screen shots. I said I'm just detail oriented that way. I asked if he wanted copies of the screen shots and he said 'obviously, yes.' Actually, he wanted a copy of the email she sent as well. I assured him that I would give him all of it. I copied the entire file onto a flash drive and then printed out a hard copy. I put it all in a manilla envelope, and my plan is to put it in the mail tomorrow. Naturally, I will send it priority registered, return receipt requested. I don't live within driving distance to the PD, so that's all I can do. The screen shots clearly show her name, and if they go back to look and notice that what's there doesn't match my screen shots, then I guess they better dig deeper. Personally, I hope someone gets charged with obstruction b/c clearly someone attempted to 'hide' something.

I will keep copies of everything and I will follow up as best I can. If it appears that the information got 'buried' or 'lost' I will hand over what I have to the young man's attorney if necessary.

That's it, I am done! Can't thank you all enough for taking time out to weigh in. I always knew what needed to be done, I guess I just didn't want to be scapegoated (again) by the same twisted family that I escaped 3 years ago. Why dragging me in to their dysfunction was necessary, I'll never know, but I will never make that mistake again. Although, as it turns out, it may just have been very fortuitous for that young man. I'll keep you all updated.

I'm off for a round of drinks with a few friends. Good grief, I really need it, lol. Wink

ChiefGrownup's picture

Good job, Already.

Very good job.

The fact is, once the accuser made statements to you about the alleged crime, you became a witness. How you handled yourself after that was critical to how police/prosecutors/defense would view you. By being professional, neutral, non-accusatory you have behaved in an exemplary way.

If police or any attorney involved ever ask you did you tell the dad (or anybody) about the info and did you later discover it was gone, be absolutely truthful. You do not know if the info was taken down as a result of your conversation nor do you know by whom it was taken down. But the fact you had that conversation may be material evidence at some point. Do not behave like a conspirator and you will not be perceived like one. You will be fine.

You've been a good citizen and a good witness today. Good job.

ctnmom's picture

Well, IDK how you guys feel about this-Already Gone, I think in situations like this God puts the right people on the right path. He must have that young man's back. And good for you! Enjoy your time with your friends. Smile

Aniki-Moderator's picture

AlreadyGone, now that you've turned everything over to the authorities BLOCK YOUR EX AND HIS KIDS.