Any advice to on how to let go of anger and resentment?
Just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to let go of anger and resentment. I am not sure things are going to work out with BF and me, but for my own health, my emotional well being, and for us to have any hope of us even being friends, I need to let it go...
Any suggestions? I am really suffering.
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Hello, I know I will be of
Hello,
I know I will be of no help but wanted you to know you are not alone. I took a two year break from mine BUT came back to the same but WORSE since they are older and really know how to play a good game.
I just find myself becoming more emotionally detached daily.
Good luck and I hope someone comes along to help soon.
"The pic reminds me of the slaveboy and his queens in this home...it depicts a kid ruling her Big daddy...how sweet! What it doesn't show is the Big Daddy bowing and thanking them for the abuse and begging for more"!
My anger and resentment is
My anger and resentment is mainly directed at my BF and my SD. I know I cannot be happy unless things change, but I honestly don't think things can change because my BF isn't able to realize his power to change things -- the things that drive me crazy with SD and BM.
If we didn't have kids we'd be happily ever after, I do believe it. We are a good match as partners but all the other bullcrap -- it makes it so difficult.
So I guess my anger is at my BF for not fighting more for me and what we have...anger that a situation that has existed before he knew me is tearing us apart. He's going to grow to hate me for my resentment and we have no chance if I can't let it go...
Xanax works well to at least
Xanax works well to at least relax me when I'm angry!
Wine is helpful as well....
Wine is helpful as well....
I am not sure if this will
I am not sure if this will help but this I wrote about anger.
It's a little long but hits some good points.
I know understanding something helps me with it.
http://www.steptalk.org/node/17280
I am not sure if this will turn into a link you can click on or not.
If not copy it and put it in your browser it should direct you to the post I wrote.
Hope it helps!
Letting go of anger and
Letting go of anger and resentment...
This may sound silly, or unrealistic, or even too simplistic... but the best way to get rid of anger and resentment (In my opinion) is to do the following...
1. Look at what you HAVE instead of what you don't have. Be grateful for what you have instead of missing or mourning what you don't.
2. Let go of any expectations. Without expectations, there is no chance for disappointment.
Honestly, it sounds so dumb. But I can only tell you this has worked for me again and again and again. It is very easy to get caught up in the negatives of our situation, but you have to realize that your happiness is a CHOICE.
And for those that think it's not possible to "choose" happiness, trust me it is.
You can do some things to cope, ... writing letters that don't get sent as JackieO wrote, or using your anger to motivate you to change things, as Cruella wrote also work. Sometimes I come on here and try to find someone that I can possibly help. Helping someone else helps me feel better about myself, that I'm not alone, etc.
ALLOW yourself to feel the way you do, but only for so long. So... write that letter that won't be sent, and then say to yourself... OK... I'm done with this, I'll focus on a positive now.
Don't beat yourself up for feeling angry and resentful. Accept that you are in a tough situation. Give yourself accolades for how you are handling things.
To use your anger in a positive way as Cruella has stated, ask yourself when you are feeling down, "What would make me happy at that point in time? HOW can my anger help me get there?"
It's a matter of changing perception and ingrained behavior. YOU CAN DO IT!!
At least, that's what has worked for me, and I get referred to a lot as "butterflies and rainbows.."
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Thank you ladies. I am
Thank you ladies. I am really trying. I got a book on managing anger today, lets see if it helps.
I am trying to channel my anger into positive outcomes...I have something bad going on in my life at the moment (don't want to go into details) and I am trying to make my anger work for me, change things.
Cruella, I wish I could have done that earlier. My bf and I no longer live together so now I have zero input (except to talk to BF) on my situation. I wish I had spoken up and said that things were unacceptable and would not be allowed in the home I PAY FOR. To tell SD, hey, when you say stuff like that it can hurt people's feelings. To BF, it is intolerable for me to have your ex wife text msg you every hour on the hour because SD has a fever.
I am just trapped. The thing is, I don't think my BF is going to be able to change anything so that puts it all on me. He could change things if he tried, but he isn't. Him telling me "things will probably get better over time" is just not good enough.
I told him we need to sit down this week and come up with some concrete actions to help change things for the better with SD and our financial future because I can no longer go on this way living in limbo, throwing my life into the air and hoping things will get better. It's not how I operate. When I see a problem I want to be proactive and fix it.
It is just too painful to watch your relationship with your best friend, lover, and partner go to shit -- to go from a living situation and moving towards marriage to go to two separate lives, almost like dating, or aquaintances. I can't do it much longer. I can't be tortured with seeing what I can't have. I'd rather end it I think.
I just can't carry this anger around in me, even if I am alone...
Alexandra-I was in that
Alexandra-I was in that place I don't really remember when it kicked into high gear for me though. I moved in my bf in aug 2006 and finally couldn't take the crap anymore in march 2009. I tried talking to him; i didn't shout one thing I learned from my previous marriage. I tried leaving for a whole 4 days. Things would be better for a few days then they'd go back to crap. And crap from the standpoint of the sun rising and setting on the backsides of his darling son and daughter and nothing left for the woman he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. My kid's and I moved out and we "see" each other on a regular enough basis but there are many days like this evening for example-he is on his way to an immediate care center to have stitches put in his son's tongue? because his daughter jumped on his face-the usual out-of-control roughhousing I DO NOT TOLERATE. He on the other hand is so blase about it and being so amongst other problems between he and his family and me and my kiddos that I do rule my home with an iron-fist when they are here. I have to protect my 5yr old because he surely has not interest. Broken teeth stitches in tongues. IF I was to get angry he'd have to watch out for me because I'd make sure fit or not BM would have the kids all of the time and he'd be lucky to see them unsupervised. If I seem bitter-it's because he actually told his dad that yes he disciplines them to me if that was so or even if he bothered paying attention to them and yet i was teaching them not one thing of any value. Well, I don't have to explain seemingly unusual injuries to any of our kiddos to their father. If I was her I'd take these 2 and run.
**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **
Doing things for myself
Doing things for myself helped me ease my anger and resentment. It is really tough to let go. You need to get your thoughts off of your chest and start with a clean slate (Easier said than done). Disengaging from SS9 and BM also helped out a great deal.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus