how do we get over the resentment?? a sidebar to the "i feel resentful when" post...
i was rereading the "i feel resentful when" blog today, and many, maybe MOST of us contributed to it. we all, i think its safe to say, feel resentful about our situation for some good reason.
i think the main ones boil down to:
**child support--not being able to afford certain things bc of CS, especially when a new baby figures in and that baby has to do w/o for the skids
**lack of support from DH in enforcing rules/disneyland dad/guilt parenting
**having little or no control over the situation, holidays included
**dealing w a toxic, unstable and sometimes menatlly ill BM
**dealing w the same kind of stepchild
**not being the "first" and the fallout from that...emotionally
**the in laws...how they view us and how they treat the skids
im sure there are more...i know there are...ive just tried to isolate and condense and catagorize.
now i think the bigger picture becomes, okay, now we know what we struggle w in our relationships, but how and what can we do to change how we feel? how can we better handle the resentment?
i know we've blogged about this before but people keep responding to the aforementioned post bc its a good one...its good to identify what we feel resentful about, so i think revisiting the subject can be good for many of us. we all know we cant carry this resentment forever. i for one, am sick and tired of feeling this way and hurting bc of it. i am sick of running away from my home when visitation wkend comes. im sick of worrying about money, the mortgage and everything we cant afford and would be able to if it werent for CS. im sick of the preferential treatment that SD gets, and wondering if MY baby, when we have one, will be treated as good. im sick of worrying and wondering what crazy BM will do next, and i resent how much power she still has over my life...i could go on but i'll stop. its just so difficult to have your life so affected by people you have an indirect relationship with.
we all know its not the kids fault and we have let go, but really, easier said than done, rite? so instead of stewing over what we feel resentful about, now that we've identified it, lets try to blog about how we can overcome this resentment. is there any way, anything we can do to get over this resentment? short of therapy, of course. but what would a therapist say? what woudl they offer? what would they suggest? if any of u have gone, what have you been told? if any of u have gotten over your resentment, yay for u...now tell us how so we can all do it and feel better too!
i have no answers here, just looking for some for myself and my friends and all of us who struggle w this difficult situation daily...we talk about what is wrong but we dont know how to change it....im hoping we can all help each other help ourselves.