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Do you display old photos in your home...

AJanie's picture

From before your partner and BM split?

I was irritated when DH wanted to display old pictures of the skids as babies that were clearly taken by BM. I know that is petty (but I don't care.) It is never easy to see the man you love in the most intimate moments & being witnessed by another woman.

I did my best to "get over it" so he does have a little area on his bureau where he displays a photo of SS/SD as newborns and the photo of his dog is on our bookcase, because the dog doesn't irk my nearly as much as the newborn pics }:)

The rest of the skids childhood photos I display are the ones taken after he left BM. I have known them since they were very little so we have quite the collection.

I figure if they want to enjoy baby photos they can do it at their mother's house. All of DH's photos that contained BM are either somewhere buried in storage at SIL's house, or in the landfill. Or unfortunately on MySpace, which I am glad no one uses anymore - yuck.

Comments

ksmom14's picture

I don't have any issues with photos of the skids while DH and BM were still together, I just don't want BM to be in any of them, and honestly neither does DH.

SD11 does have a photo collage in her room that has some photos of BM in it, even one with BM and DH together which kind of irks me, but it's her room so I just don't look at it.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Baby pictures, infants yes we have some. Were they taken by BM yea I guess. I never thought of that way. Her fugly mug isn't in the picture so whatever. We to have tons over pics over the years that were taken by me.

I will admit there is one pic that irks me. It is of SO and ss12 as an infant. SS is lying on SO chest in bed. A bed he shared with BM. Is it a sweet pick of a Dad and his child yea it is. So for that reason it is on display, BUT it is strategically placed in the wall unit with a lot of other pictures. By strategically placed I mean more of less hidden in the back behind more current pictures. This way I don't have to really see it!

AJanie's picture

Funny you posted this, because the one on display on DH's bureau of SS as a newborn, is baby and DH laying together in the bed he shared with BM. It grosses me out.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

:sick: :sick: That is why it is hidden way in the back behind for current school pictures, my BS graduation picture and other photos hehehe. SO doesn't even know it was done on purpose. He just thinks I like toe keep more recent pics toward the front Smile Smile

Ninji's picture

The bed that SD sleeps on at our house is the one that DH and BM shared when they were together. I hate it.

Ninji's picture

We have a picture in our house of BM, DH and Skids on a ride at Disney. When we first moved in together he wanted to hang it in SD's room. We had a huge fight about it. BM isn't dead. They see her Mon-Thur (at the time). It finally got mixed in with some of SD's crap but never hung on the wall. We recently moved and that picture surfaced. I told SD she could hang it on the wall of her new room. DH said hell no. He didn't want a picture of BM in hanging in our house??? I wonder if he even remembers the fight we had years ago about it. Also, SD doesn't want to hang it up either.

The pictures that bother me now are those of BM older children (DH is not their father). We were re-organizing our filing cabinet a few weeks ago and several pictures of BM's older children were found. It was from when they were very small. Probably when BM was pregnant with SD. I sincerely thought about hiding them and throwing them in the trash. I didn't do it. I just put them in a pile of DH's junk. I don't know what about those pictures in particular that bothers me but they do.

I just wanted to add that my MIL still has a picture of BM and DH hugging hanging on her wall. It's the first picture you see when you walk in the door. I have been with him longer than BM at this point and there are zero pictures of us on her wall.

Ninji's picture

That's the thing, the girl is a complete B to my DH. Acts just like her mom. And the boy just really wants nothing to do with DH anymore. If he sees him he will say hi, but he never calls, text or comes out to talk when we are picking up/dropping off the kids. The really odd thing is the both call him dad. Actually the girl calls him daddy, she's 19. I really really hate it.

Acratopotes's picture

I have a thing about photo's on display in overall...

I just don't like it and do not allow it....makes a place look untidy...

Deigma has a big pin board in his room full off his photos, he chops and change as he feels.the ones he takes off is put away immediately. He took all of the baby photos off when he was 8....

AJanie's picture

I don't like too much going on, either. SIL is into the country/rustic look, and her and her husband cover every last centimeter of wall space with pallet shelves, or baskets, or photos, or cork board. I feel like I cannot breathe over there.

I have a "photo hallway" and a black and white photo wall in my living room. BM doesn't give DH any skid school photos but I do have a couple old ones taped to the side of the fridge.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Ditto here as well. I used to display photos of the skids, the gskids, in-laws, etc. In fact, there were no photos of me.

When we moved into this home, GU OSD expected me to devote the main wall of our tv room to large photos of her pimply, blended brood. That certainly did not fit with my decor plan. No way, Jose.

Part of my journey of disengagement and personal growth has been to remove the photos of these people, and replace them with pictures of myself, DH, and the individuals who are relevant to US. I don't worship at the altar of steplife any longer. DH has some old school photos of his kids in his wallet, and hasn't even noticed the change in decor.

classyNJ's picture

When I moved in with DH he had a box of pictures of the boys and some of them with DBM in them. I put the ones without her in frames and boxed the rest. He left the box in the garden shed for some reason and the rest of the pictures were ruined by moisture Smile

His sister-in-law has made some collages of pictures that were taken when DBM and DH were together but non have her in them.

SS14 has some recent family pictures that his GBM had taken that has DBM in them but they are in his room and the rest of the house has pictures of the four of us.

WalkOnBy's picture

I have photos in my home from when I was married to Asshat - of the kids only. It doesn't bother DH.

We have photos of the skids (only) from when DH was married to Medusa.

I wouldn't like it if someone told me I couldn't have photos of my kids when they were little in my home and I imagine my DH feels the same way.

It's a non-starter, in my opinion, as long as the pics don't have the former spouse in them.

zerostepdrama's picture

There are 2 pictures of the skids in our house. One is a group one from our wedding and then there is a 5x7 of YSD and MSD and a 5 x 7 of OSD and SS.

zerostepdrama's picture

OSD didn't come but we never told her about the wedding. In all fairness she never invited DH to her wedding 3 months prior.

And technically we didn't tell the other skids, though DH was obviously going to tell them. Just closer to the day. Well SIL posted our wedding invite on Instagram and MSD saw it and saw the wedding website we had and got the information from there and RSVP'd herself, even though she never got the official invite. She did it just to be snarky.

Skids didn't talk to me (MSD did a little bit prior to the wedding but only because she had to come into the building I was in because of her baby- long story). SS may have a little bit but I can't even remember.

They were super annoying about getting pictures taken and were too busy taking selfies with DH's sisters, while it was SUPER humid and my makeup was melting and my hair was getting frizzy and I had to scream at them to hurry the F up. I was pretty annoyed.

The group picture has all of DH's family that came and the skids, DH, me and BS. I hung it up to be nice because there are so many people in the picture.

The 5 x 7 pictures are on the bottom shelf of a shelf that sits in the corner and you can't even really see it. LOL

twoviewpoints's picture

Are you saying just newborn in picture? Newborn and Dad (meaning BM took photo)? Or BM, Dad and newborn in photo?

I don' display old photos of currently living people. I prefer recent photos. With those I have some in my old office (now my 'me' room). I also have several albums in my 'me' room. Old baby pictures are in albums and in my trunk.

Would I display a photo of Bm, DH and newborn (or baby/toddler)? No.

Does your husband have a man cave or work room where he could keep an album of skids? Kinda out of sight, out of mind?

DaizyDuke's picture

There are approximately 0.00 pictures of skids in our house. Not because I've ever been a bitch about it. But my DH is a typical man. He's not into taking pictures unless it's a big deal (like maybe BS7 winning a gold medal at his karate tournament or something like that) and he's certainly not into taking pics and then taking the time to have them printed and frame them. The only reason we have pics of BS7 in our house is because I take them and print them and frame them, or order school, soccer, baseball pictures and frame them.

But I won't lie. It IS nice having a DH who could care less. SD did send DH an 8x10 of one of her Sr. pictures and believe it or not, I actually displayed it for a while, then I took it down to put fall decorations or something up and I honestly don't know what I did with it. lol DH has never asked so apparently could care less.

DaizyDuke's picture

To be honest, SD Sr. pics turned out very nice and the one she sent was a nice one which is why I displayed it... for about 6 months...then enough of that shit. lol I only have about maybe 10? pics of BS7 (soccer, baseball, karate, with the dog, with the horse, with DH, with me and a couple by himself) scattered throughout our house and our house is 3 floors and BIG. So it's really not a lot of pics considering.

I could never tolerate a "wall of Gaylord" like one of the posters here had!!!! YUCK!

hereiam's picture

I don't display photos, I don't like how it looks.

There is a picture of SD hanging on the peg board in the garage, does that count?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I've never cared for that sort of decorating. As someone else said, it can make a room or hall seem claustrophobic, and it's hard to arrange that many pictures in an attractive way.

Tuff Noogies's picture

we have a couple of collages in the hallway that the kids put together shortly after dh and dumb@$$ divorced. we have the kids' current school pics on the bookcase in the living room, along with our wedding photo. that's it as far as displayed pictures.

dh has a box of old photos, many of which were taken when he was still married to that meth-addled wh0re - she's not in any of them. i've seen pics of them together just the two of them, and as a "happy family" that MIL has possession of, but they will never ever be found under OUR roof.

KittyKatMomma's picture

Any pictures of BM/stepkids DH has are now burned to CD's for the kids for when they are older if they choose to keept them.
I got with DH when SD16 was 5 and SS10 was a newborn.

I came across their wedding pictures and several other packs of pictures-DH said to burn them.
Instead I put them all on CD's for the kids and gave BM the originals
(the wedding pictures had her family in them-and most were already passed on and she was very grateful)

Now-DH refuses to hang/put up any pictures of ANYBODY.
I have a wall in our family room of the kids/niece/nephews and that's it.

My stepkids refuse to keep any pictures of their mother.
I don't ask why.

momjeans's picture

No, I don't for the same reasons others have stated. I don't like how it looks.

Most of the photos DH has of skid are on his desk top or backed up on something. The few framed photos he does have are ridiculously huge, like 11x14 professionally matted and framed photos of skid as an infant. Apparently BM's professional photographer BFF took them. DH had them hanging in his apartment the first time I visited. I remember BM wanting them back, immediately, once she found out DH was dating, because her "BFF took those photos!" He never gave them back, out of spite.

Those photos aren't hanging because of that stupid drama. Bad, bad juju memories.

Now MIL, on the other hand, has quite a few large framed photos of DH, BM, and skid. DH hates it, MIL doesn't care that he hates it. I could care less because I no longer go to their house because they're animal hoarding pigs. Biggrin

robin333's picture

I have a few pictures of DD and the best canine ever. It doesn't bother DH. He doesn't have any skids pictures, BM has all of those. There are several pics with the skids that DH could print and place but he's never done it.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I guess I don't understand the pic thing. My son has a pic of his BD in his room. It has never bothered my DH. And, my son has a pic of me in his room at his dad's house. I am not sure how his stbSM feels about it. We have allowed SD10 to keep pics of BM and her brothers and sisters in her room. They are even on display. I helped her make these cute frames from Popsicle sticks and we hung them up. It helps her when she is missing her mom and especially her siblings (She left 5 behind when she came to live with DH).

My SM gave me a ton of pics of my parent's wedding. I asked her how she would feel if I displayed one in my home since it is one of the few pics that has my grandmother in it. She told me that she was fine with it, as long as I displayed a photo of her and my dad's wedding, so I have both out.

I just don't get that upset about it. DH feels the same way. It was before us so I don't see the point of getting upset about it.

momjeans's picture

Also, DH's brother and his SIL have recent photos of skid on their fridge. When we got home, I sent SIL a text asking if BM sent them in the mail. She said skid hand delivered the photos to them, from BM, when she was here on visitation last Christmas. I asked my DH if he was given photos and he said "nope".

It's all funny because BM never liked DH's brother and she has never met his wife.

SM12's picture

DH has a picture of the three SS's when they were young. I hate the picture because it is the old fashioned traditional pic where there are all sitting sideways scrunched together and looking at the camera. And I hate to say it but they were NOT cute kids at all. They were all funny looking.
I never did hang that picture up. I have photos of the SS's hanging but they are pics that were taken since DH and I were married.
My Former SD did a collage of pictures she found online of all the SS's and my BS and even her and SGS. One of the pics she took off DH's facebook was a pic of YSS when he was little. It was a pick from a day out with DH and his XGF. I wasn't too thrilled but it was the thought that counts and former SD had no idea of the history behind the pic.
I don't have an issue with pics taken when DH and BM were married. She isn't in any of them and it is his children. I just like more recent pics hanging.
I don't even want to see a pic of my BS as a baby on the wall. I try to keep them up to date.

Jlbfinch's picture

The only one that kind of bothers me is one of SS8 as an infant in the tub with DH. You can only see DH's ankle and one hand so it's not inappropriate or anything I just don't like that once upon a time my husband was totally fine with BM snapping pics of him in the tub (although clearly the focus of the shot is their baby).

ESMOD's picture

I would have no problem with displays of children without their MOTHER in them in main areas of the house. I would allow the kids to have a picture of their mother in their room if they wanted one.

I would absolutely NOT make a big deal of pictures taken just during the TIME or in a PLACE where the EX was in the picture though.

I actually have a picture of my husband in a tux on my living room wall. This picture was taken on his wedding day to his EX. She is not in it.. just one of him and he is cute in it...so I put it up!

Look, at some point, we have to just come to the realization that the guy has chosen US. We have to accept that he had a life before we were in the picture and there is no way to go back and undo the past. It happened.. they chose us instead.. we won.. so we have to let insecurity go with regards to any reminder of the ex.

I wouldn't want to sleep in the EX bed.. but if it is used by the stepkid.. whatever, I have to get over that.

I mean, there will be no stronger reminder that they had a relationship before us than the STEPKID.. so pictures and furniture are so trivial in comparison. I wouldn't look for a fight here.

notasm3's picture

I do not display pictures in my home. Never have. Not my thing.

Ss30 and the GF gave DH a framed picture of the baby. It is hideous. It's a close up where the face takes up the entire frame. Not flattering at all. He really doesn't look as bad as this picture.

Cooooookies's picture

As long as photos don't actually contain BM2 in them, I don't give a flip who took the photo. Although, photos we have on display are quite recent. FIL gave us a huge bag filled with photos from when DH was a baby all the way through psycho wh*re BM2 and everything in between. It's in the cupboard under the stairs collecting dust as far as I know.

If DH wanted to display any photos of BM2, I'd have a problem. Otherwise, they are memories of children, not memories of who took the photo.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

We have a picture of the skids on a roller coaster in the den, a picture of DH's deceased uncle in a multi-pic frame with pictures the uncle took (he took beautiful flower pics), and 2 pictures on top of the entertainment center: one of my parents and one of DH and me.

BioHo refused to let DH have any pictures of the skids. The roller coaster pic was found inside a book so that's the only one he has.

AJanie's picture

BM refuses to give DH a wallet sized school photo of the skids. If he wants one he can "buy a package." She is so charming.

Ninji's picture

That's the way I am. I pay for SS's school pictures. If BM wants one, she can pay for her own.

Livingoutloud's picture

DD and both SDs are very photogenic and good looking so we have recent pics and we have senior HS portraits framed of all three. I have college graduation pic of DD, only undergrad, had no pictures for graduate school graduation done

. SDs have no college pics as they didn't go to college. I also have SGDs pics displayed.

The rest of pics are mine and DHs wedding/honeymoon.

I had my DDs wedding pics displayed as well but she widowed last fall suddenly losing her DH in tragic accident and I removed them because I just couldn't stop crying seeing them. DH suggested to put them in albums so I dint constantly cry passing them by. I also had a scrapbook of their wedding displayed. I put it away. At least for now I just can't have it displayed. Too painful

I would never displayed exes pics. If they are in albums it's fine but no way I'd have them displayed.

Livingoutloud's picture

Thank you, yes he wasn't even 30, they've been together for 5 years, no children yet. He was a sweetie. She is doing better now, first few months were horrible.

Livingoutloud's picture

Huh? Where did I say that? I have DD's and SDs' and SGDs pics prominently displayed all in
the same area side by side. In the living room and in the hallway. All side by side. Elsewhere? Where? Are you asking me???? What's going on???

twoviewpoints's picture

"I would never displayed exes pics. If they are in albums it's fine but no way I'd have them displayed."

HRNYC may have read it wrong/too fast *shrugs*

Of course you don't display photos of ex-husband or ex-wife in your home. Except for perhaps a stepchild living with you and having one of Mom and/or Dad in their bedroom, I seriously doubt too many people display photographs of the ex in their homes. :? Yeah, like what???? Doesn't everybody display at least one 3'x3' professional done and framed portrait of their ex over the livingroom sofa :O

Very sad hearing about your recently widowed daughter. I'm sorry for your family's loss.

Livingoutloud's picture

I don't know how could she read it wrong unless it is the case of reading what one wants not what one sees. " I wouldn't display exes pictures" in no way implies I wouldn't display skids pics. Stepkids aren't ex spouses.

notasm3's picture

I had pictures of my dog made by a professional pet photographer in Golden Gate Park (not cheap). But I kept them in an album not on the wall. My walls are for my art - not snapshots. I

CLove's picture

I am a little weird about photos and art and wall hangings.

I printed a BUNCH of SDs and So, and gave him the pile as well as a few favorites framed beautifully. Then I placed "couple type" photos on both bedside tables. Then more of my family stuff in MY room.

The refrigerator has a photos of "us girls including mom who is 95" and my mother and I... We are in process of gathering young kiddo photos to have that "wall/hall of shame" that families always have...

I don't mind who took photo or when, but I have personally gone through the kid photos and packed off all those including BM. That is part of their history/legacy. They can put all of them together in an album or framed or what ever and keep at BM house. The framed photos are with SO and child, so there is no issues. Others are sports or class photos.

Upshot - I will not allow any photos of BM, no matter what, to exist in my home. Ever. Period. Except for burning purposes, of course.

GRITSinAL's picture

Yes we do... old photos of both MY collection and DH collection. They do not bother me as long as BM is not actually in them (ORRRRR my ex as well).

GRITSinAL's picture

If we did not, both boys would have zero childhood pics displayed since we did not get together until they were like 8 and 6 or 9 and 7.... something like that.

Simpleton21's picture

I found this to be an interesting topic. My SD actually has a picture of BM and my fiance holding each other and smiling framed in her room. When I first saw it I was not very happy and we fought about it but since it is her room I just let it go. I actually thought BM sent it with her for the weekend and then found out that my fiance is the one that framed it and gave it to her (prior to us dating)...WTF?!?! If it was a picture of all 3 of them I would understand it but it irks me every time I see it. I know it is childish but I always "accidentally" place it face down on her dresser. I think SD is still hoping that one day BM and her dad will get back together. She still talks about when they were a family (they divorced when she was 2 and she is about to turn 10) so it isn't like it was yesterday.

Ninji's picture

My skids have never mentioned "when they were a family" they were 3 and 5 when DH and BM split. I can't imagine they remember much more than fighting. SD has said the having divorced parents sucks. LOL

Simpleton21's picture

I know damn well she doesn't remember what it was like when they were together. She has a lot of the "mini wife" symptoms in my opinion and it doesn't help that her BM is crazy and wants to do things like having a "core family" (SD, BM and my fiance) birthday dinner for SD and has in their agreement they have to do "shared holidays" for Halloween and 4th of July b/c BM feels that is "in SD's best interest" LOL! Um, or you are confusing the crap out of her by forcing these things. Also, just for the record my fiance did not do the "core family" birthday dinner. He told her that they are DIVORCED and that he wouldn't pretend to be a happy family with her and SD in that way b/c it was wrong! Fun times I have with this one!

Ninji's picture

Core family? Shared holidays? I can see how that would confuse a kid.

ldvilen's picture

Yep. Core family, first family, intact family (one of my least favorites). They all kind'a imply any "family" after is sloppy seconds.

However, I don't mind the term initial family so much. Hmm, initial family and then follow-up family!? Maybe not.

Simpleton21's picture

Ultimately it is my fiance's fault for not fighting her when over this crap when they first divorced and made the agreement. After 3 years of dealing with his ex though I can see why he just wanted to sign it and get the hell out of dodge! This BM thinks she knows everything b/c she has a college degree and is a reading specialist at a school. Therefore, her whacked out ideas of "core family" and "shared holidays" are obviously in the best interest of the child! LOL! I used to get upset with her crap and now I just disengage and ignore. The less we feed into it the less resistance. Honestly, coming together for Halloween and 4th of July wouldn't be so bad if we actually got along with BM but that is not the case. It is confusing for SD I am sure. I did have to laugh when she brought up "core" family and then freaked out about how it was my fault that he didn't want to do a "core family" dinner for her birthday b/c I was jealous and insecure....Um...nope I am not the insecure one in this scenario!

newcstep's picture

OMG YES the shared holidays thing! Before I came into the picture DH would do this with BM and SD then 4. They would get together for birthday dinners and such. I had NO idea until our first Halloween together. I was so excited to do the tick or treat thing. We had only been dating for a few months, but it was DH's year for Halloween and I didn't have any kids of my own. Two nights before Halloween BM called asking what time he would come pick her up since they always went out as a family.

I put my foot down right away. I was not going to be the third wheel to their happy little family. DH called BM and told her she wasn't invited. She SCREAMED for what seemed like hours, but they haven't had a shared holiday like that since. 4 years later and we have our family holiday, and SD has another one with BM.

Simpleton21's picture

Oh, our BM had a major meltdown about us not wanting her to come to SD's bday party that we planned and had OUR families coming to. She just showed up anyways and it was so uncomfortable...yet she didn't invite us to the party she had for her the next day at her house?!?! LOL, we should have just showed up to that one!

The Halloween one doesn't really bother me because I have kids too and understand wanting to see them dressed up and stuff. Luckily my fiance worked this past Halloween so I just took my boys and didn't deal with any of it. Also we had her 4th of July weekend and took her to an early firework display and just let the BM take her on the actual 4th and didn't tag along.

BM definitely doesn't like that since I have come along she doesn't get to control everything or my household. No way was I standing for all that!

newcstep's picture

Well I have a pretty strong opinion that divorce with kids and a 50/50 parenting plan means you lose half of your time. When you have kids, the choice to divorce should not be taken lightly and should be done with the realization that you are going to have to make sacrifices.

(Of course I'm not a bio mom, and have been told many times that my opinions on the matter don't count because I don't have children. I'm aware of that. Maybe I'll change my mind when I have kids, but it doesn't change my current thinking.)

BM and DH agreed to a CO which gives Halloween to ONE PARENT on even years and to the other on odd. To me that means that if BM wants to see SD dressed up on Halloween on DH's year, then she better buy her own darn costume and dress her up the weekend or night before. Does that mean that SD has two costumes, two birthday parties, sees fireworks twice every year? Yes. I don't see SD complaining.

In my case, BM and DH CANNOT get along or spend the day together without toxicity (if they could maybe they would have stayed married). They divorced for a reason and have split custody for a reason. That means you miss out on holidays. The "core family" thing makes me want to puke.

Simpleton21's picture

newcstep, I am a BM and a SM, and I happen to agree with your opinion. I also came from a divorced family and we didn't do any of this "shared holidays" or "core family" crap! I ended up with 2 (sometimes more) holiday celebrations and family get togethers and I loved it, lol!

Unfortunately in their agreement it does state specifically that Halloween and 4th of July are shared holidays and they switch off on the other's. Therefore we don't argue about it. It is nice that I managed to get out of both these shared holidays this year at least Wink My SO also hates this arrangement but he agreed to it when they divorced (mainly b/c he wanted out and had just been laid off and couldn't afford an attorney of his own and got screwed). Anyways, when he texts her about where we which city we will go to for trick or treating or fireworks he always throws in - since you are so eager to spend the holiday with me! It makes me laugh because it is just ridiculous!

Oh, my SO and BM do not get along either so these shared holidays are always really awkward and you expressed my thoughts exactly on that matter. If they could get along and enjoy each other's company they wouldn't have divorced so why force them now?!?! LOL, the "core family" was a major stretch on her part and makes me sick to...she has even referred to us as the "2nd family"....um....YOU BM are no longer family! I think if I hear that one again I will refer to her as the FAILED FAMILY! Smile

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, oh, I intend to! I'm just sad that I didn't think of it before and it just came to me today while venting on here! Smile

newcstep's picture

Thanks for agreeing! It's nice to hear that my bio free opinions aren't entirely insane. Smile

I've never heard of CO enforced shared holidays. That seems insane to me! I'm sure it takes a good deal of strength and patience to deal with those each year. Good for you both for making it work this long. I'm not sure I would have been able to. So I guess if SO refuses to or isn't available to participate, BM just takes the kid for the holiday that year? I guess that really isn't a good option for SO. Just thinking about this makes me queasy.

"Failed Family" lol. LOVE IT!

Simpleton21's picture

Nope, not entirely! At least I don't think so!

Yeah, it isn't normal but BM is a MAJOR control freak and has every provision possible added into that agreement. I still want to punch my SO for not fighting it but I wasn't around then and I understand not having money to do so. When I read their agreement I was like WTF?!?! I was the one that made him start enforcing all of it though. When we first met he was letting her get by with doing whatever because it was easier. Then she wanted to just follow parts of it that made our lives difficult. I told him fine but we are going to follow the parts she doesn't want to either then....like keeping SD until 9pm on school nights (she prefers having her back at 7pm) but in the agreement it says 9pm so when she would want to go strictly by the agreement for only the beneficial parts to her we dug in and within a few weeks we had her schedule so jacked up by following it to a tee that she caved and became more reasonable Wink

Oh and you are 100% correct on the fact that it requires a good deal of patience and BM will just take her if he refuses or has to work or whatever. One year before 4th of July she took her to her sister's in another state and left her there for the holiday and made that decision all on her own but refused the next year to let us do something without her! It does make me sick but we have done our best to find ways around it or just suck it up!

I love the Failed Family too. I am just waiting for a time to use it! It will be glorious! LOL

Killingmeslowly's picture

Yep. DH is a widower, so when I first came into the picture, there were pictures EVERYWHERE of LW, and LW/DH/SKs. It took almost 4 years of asking nicely can we please take them down/move them to SK's rooms??

It was a battle and he made me feel guilty about it, but it finally happened. So now, there are some 'old' pics of SK's in 1 collage frame, but that's it.

The only pics of LW/SKs are in their rooms. Oh, and in the 20 BINS of pictures LW took, that we are storing in our basement. :jawdrop:

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Everyone has their own trigger, so don't let anyone make you feel like you're crazy for feeling a certain way about pictures.

newcstep's picture

We don't have pictures like that in our house, but MIL has many and also a photo album of SD's first year. There are many pictures in it of DH and BM holding their newborn together, hugging, kissing... When SD was younger, she once ran right to that album at MIL's to show me her baby pictures. She was so excited! Meanwhile I was struggling with my squirming lunch. I managed to smile and fake enthusiasm at all of these pictures, and I never once mentioned to MIL or DH how much that bothered me. I can take it in small doses like that to make SD happy. Besides I can't erase where she came from. That doesn't mean I would want them displayed in my house unless it was strictly in SD's room.

CloudCuckooLand's picture

We used to have pictures of skids in house, they really captured their 'essence'. SD was scowling with these hooded eyes and a look of complete disdain and SS looked really awkward, anxious and creepy. My body would have a visceral reaction to those damn photos every time I looked at them. When we moved house, they got packed up, and DH accidentally threw them out with the packing boxes. He never noticed or asked after them. I did a happy dance. Now we have no skid pics and likely won't as DH would never think to find, print and frame new ones. This works for me.

jmh302's picture

I actually have exactly 1 picture displayed. My ultra sound pic showing the twins for the first time is in their room.

There are no pictures of sd displayed. So does have an album ofbher baby pics because his father cleaned out their shed and gave him a box of pictures of him as a child and him with bm and baby sd,He trashed the pics of him and bm alone together. I gave him a spare album for sds pics.

His father still has a photo of bm/so highschool prom up. I do not care.

I DID care a bit when bm gave him a bag of pictures of then together when she moved about 2 years ago..because"he didnt take any pictures when he moved out so she thought he should have them. All pictures of just them together. He trashed them too. It just annoyed me she was trying to push sentiment on him after they had been split for over 3 years.

I didnt make him trash them. He did it. I have photos on cd and scrap books of exs. He just isn't the kind to hold on to things at all.

notsobad's picture

I actually like seeing old pictures of DH, I don't care if BM is in the picture or not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to hang them up on our walls but I like seeing him as a teenager.
He and BM were HS sweethearts so most of the pictures are of the two of them going out somewhere. If they hadn't married it wouldn't bother me to see him with his HS prom date so thats how I look at it. She's not part of his life anymore.

Maybe because we were older and the skids were almost adults when we met it doesn't bother me as much?

SacrificialLamb's picture

We used to have pics of our kids hanging in our previous house. They lined the hallway of the first floor. If no one was home, I frequently used the bathroom and kept the door open and saw OSD's spoiled face staring back at me. Entitled, spoiled, never corrected, a precursor of her behavior for decades as an adult.

Staring at her face was a great laxative.