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Being a stepparent is really hard

acef92's picture

Why does be a stepparent has to be that hard? Since I'm a member here I've been reading blogs and sometimes I feel sad or angry or something about the majority of us having a really hard time dealing with step kids. 
Some stepkids are really horrible. Once I read someone dealing with a stepkid trying to almost kill this person, putting poison or something in the toothbrush, stepkids hurting stepparents physically, whaaat? 

A lot of us here are really kind people, sometimes even when stepkids are horrible with us we are there for them in such a nice way. Why everything around them has to be all negative? Hypocrisy, selfishness, lies, aggression, unhappiness, and I'm talking about a lot of us here that had to deal almost 90% of the time with bad things. 
Most of the time we make efforts when we don't have to, only to have peace and sometimes believing things will get better.

In some cases even birth parents are not all the problem in certain situations, this children are so unhappy, so selfish that they want everyone be unhappy like them, they ruin everything on purpose, why if is so much easier to be happy? 

Why not to be grateful? Why not to have respect for others? Why not to be happy and make others happy? 
Why they take the most horrible way to live? 
 

I hope someday things get better for a lot of us here, I hope someday all the efforts we do everyday have a reward, I know a lot of marriages here are really good, except for stepkids. I write this because sometimes we feel misunderstood, because we feel less or in second place. You are not alone, we are all here for support. 
 
If you want to vent, to write how you feel or what you hate, feel free! 

 

Comments

GrudgingSM's picture

I think honestly the thing I resent the most is how much peace of mind it has taken. So much emotional energy over kids who do not care, not do I think they will ever have the self awareness to realize how difficult they are. I know I need to be better about letting it bother me but ugh.'I want my quiet and calm back.

christyandromeo's picture

I just signed in because of the same reason. However to be honest I don't really like my stepdaughters too, they're so fake that drives me crazy. They pretend they like me inform of their Dad, but I hear them when they talk crap on my behind. Sometimes I ask myself if this is what I want for the rest of my life. *boredom*

S_mum's picture

I know a lot of marriages here are really good, except for stepkids.

I have an issue with such statements. They don't reflect reality and show a general lack of understanding and insight. In most cases, the problems are caused by these kids' parents and their refusal to step up and actually parent their f*cking kids

Why not to be grateful? Why not to have respect for others? Why not to be happy and make others happy? 
Why they take the most horrible way to live? 

Why won't these parents teach their kids to be grateful? Why won't these parents teach their kids to have respect for others? Why won't these parents teach their kids not to be selfish and horrible? Why have kids in the first place if you're not interested in parenting them?

These are the questions that we really should be asking.

acef92's picture

Yes of course, this kids are such a problem because their parents, they have this dad/mom guilt and make things worse. We all agree in those situations. Sometimes, like someone commented here, in front of her parents are angels are respectful, are good but behind their mom dad they treat us like trash and I'm referring to those kids who only the kids most of the times are the problem.

But I completely agree, we all have situations when the parents are guilty 100%, when is her fault all the disrespect, selfishness and they treat bad to others because they see their parents doing the same. 

S_mum's picture

Sometimes, like someone commented here, in front of her parents are angels are respectful, are good but behind their mom dad they treat us like trash 

But this behaviour is, in itself, also a sign of poor parenting. Parents need to teach their kids the importance of having integrity and of treating everyone with respect, including those people they don't necessarily like.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Yep. To add, if a kid is nice to a parent but horrid to a SP behind the parent's back, it usually also means that the parent is a bad partner because they don't believe their partner, the SP, when they tell them that their kid is horrid. It's easier for the parent to bury their head in the sand or just be really selfish and don't care that their partner is being treated poorly because they're being treated well.

tog redux's picture

I think that step situations in general aren't easy, but the ones on here are harder than others. In most cases on here, either BM, the poster's spouse or one or more stepkids have personality disorders that make life challenging.  In many cases, the children are the way they are from lack of parenting by one or both parents.  Step situations with well-parented kids are easier (from my experience with others in "normal" step situations), though still can be challenging.

Many on here claim they have a good marriage but I can't see how it could be, with what they deal with - especially those with husbands who won't parent their kids. 

 

Aniki's picture

Many on here claim they have a good marriage but I can't see how it could be, with what they deal with - especially those with husbands who won't parent their kids.

Rose-colored glasses, low expectations... could be any number of things. First thing that comes to mind are those who say their partner is "amazing!"...aside from the fact that they have feral offspring. 

I admit I've been through some total shite with the skids and BioHo - which is why I refer to it as StepHell. IMO, it boils down to what an individual considers tolerable vs intolerable. We all have different limits. Now I am certainly not saying that some of the caca that goes on is tolerable and fun! But more a matter of how I allow it to affect my life. Naturally, threats to a step-parent or step/half-silbling, abuse... these things are INtolerable. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I truly don't understand it and was oblivious. I guaged my expectations on my own experiences.

I am divorced. My exH is crazy, narcissistic and abusive. He a a terrible father and even our DS admits daddy tries to buy his love. ExH has no rules  and is a lazy parent.

I don't engage with exH, I have huge boundaries with him, I don't try to coparent, I know better.  I have always made sure DS was provided with structure, consistency, and supports like counseling when needed. 

DS has had issues and struggles over the years but we faced them head on, I didn't ignore them and think they were going to go away. I didn't allow exH and his issues to effect my home. 

I have never cared who exH dated, nor have I ever had an issue with it. I know DS knows who his mother is, and I don't have to prove it. I have counted it a a blessing that any girlfriend's have been kind to DS. 

I am well aware of all the dysfunction within stephell. I just will never make sense to me. 

I was thinking about some of the issues this morning. YSD will go off the deep end if she perceives you are talking badly about BM. Which I completely understand that is her mother. 

Yet YSD can justify BM talking badly about me, even though I am someone's mother and do my child's feelings not matter?

What makes BMs behavior acceptable?

tog redux's picture

She's mom and she fears losing her. Your DS would likely do the same if you put him in that position.