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A week without SD (after a year)

acef92's picture

After a year of having SD at my house almost everyday, I had a week without her. I feelt so so free and happy to not have to tolerate this brat. Honestly I was so freaking happy. DH and I did a lot of things together and he even look happier. During this time I worked so hard in disengage and ignore so many things about her. Is incredible how skids absorb your energy and sometimes your happiness with their actions, their attitude etc. 
The only thing I can't really control after years is the way I feel when I know she is comming to my house, I feel so so anxious, I feel nervous, even sometimes I have headaches and my mood change completely. Any advice on that? 


CastleJJ's picture

Sounds like you and DH need to start taking time for yourselves. Go out on date nights, take weekend trips, focus on hobbies you both enjoy. You aren't obligated to entertain SD 24/7. Maybe if you take some focus off SD when she visits and put the focus on you and DH's relationship and doing things you both enjoy, you will find balance and SD's presence won't seem as all consuming. 

I totally get the anxiety about visits. I get that way when my SS visits. I've learned to focus on my self-care when he is with us. I try not to let his visit derail my routine. I take time every day to enjoy a bath, to read a book, to see friends, watch my favorite shows, etc. If you can pinpoint what makes you so anxious about visits, you may be able to redirect, accept, or avoid that particular stimuli, thus relieving some anxiety. Besides SD as a whole, is there anything in particular that makes you anxious about visits?

acef92's picture

Yes!! I totally agree with you, we need more time for the two of us, hope this daddy guilt ends soon ( I don't really think so lol) because that is the problem when SD is around and we don't do things the two of us when she is here, "what if she feels excluded".

I feel anxious I think because her behavior is really bad, I don't feel comfortable when she is here, she is so manipulative, dramatic, disrespectful etc, I think is the fact that I don't really like her. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

I feel that way too! My whole body starts to tense up a couple hours before her arrival and when she leaves (especially after being here all weekend) it immediately starts to relax! DH also changes. We just are always so much more loving and laugh more on the days she's not here. 

acef92's picture

Yes! When she is not around DH and I are so much loving, we really enjoy to be alone the two of us, I've been noticing that lately. 
I wish I could control that feeling, literally I feel so anxious that I can't do a thing, is horrible!