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Alone on a Planet full of People

Aanallein's picture

For 19 years I have tried my very best to be a great step father, I have given my SD and SS everything they could of wanted, my DW and both Skids came from a violent past and although the skids are now well into their adult years I can’t make any headway, in fact they have taken their hatred for to a new level, winding each other up over social media and then letting loose to DW and she is stuck in the middle. 


DW constantly believes she must make amends for the past and now I am completely shut out.  I love my DW and the skids with all my heart, they are the family I always wanted.  Don’t get me wrong I am not the perfect man but have always put them first.  I have no family of my own and few friends as I have focused hard on trying to make their lives better. 


I am alone in a world of 8 billion people, at least Mark Watney was marooned on Mars and had an excuse.  Sorry but had to tell somebody and get it out..


mro's picture

Is a terrible feeling.  I don't think you will find any quick and easy answers here.  You have to find the answer within yourself.  Sorry for the psychobabble, but it sounds like you may be dealing with issues of self-esteem and codependency.  Let me guess - you've always put everyone else first - did you "rescue" your DW from a bad situation?  

It may help you to read some books on relationships and codependency, speak with a therapist, and/or try a 12-step meeting or support group.  Be aware though that as you learn to develop healthier relationships (starting with yourself and with a higher power if you have one), it will rock the boat and you can expect some pushback from the others involved.  

A popular analogy is how we are all told to put on the oxygen mask first before assisting others.

CLove's picture

Should never be part of the package in a relationship. I feel for you, early on in my now 4 year relationship, I too felt lonely. A brief intro:

SO and I have been together 4 years today, in a friendhsip for 1 1/2 years before that. He has 2 daughters from a previous marriage. They were SD15 (I call her Feral Eldest, previously Winona, because like the actess Winona Ryder, she was caught stealing while she wants for nothing), and SD8 (Munchkin, because she is small, cute and lovable). He wasnt yet divorced when we got together, which causedmany problems and issues, but has been now for over 2 years. Yay me. 

Since Feral Eldest SD19 moved out a year ago this August, SO and have grown close, mainly because she has chosen to go no contact, even though she lives just a few towns away. She now has a job and goes to community college, but we never hear from or see her. I know it hurts SO, but that was HER choices. 

DW is NOT in the middle. Have you read up on disangagement? That is a lovely tool. DW can have her relationship with her toxic spoiled spawn that you tried to raise and loved. They turned on you? What reason do they give? Were you too "harsh", because you tried to provide for them,a nd perhaps had rules for them to folow? They sound like they could use some therapy, but since they wont listen to you, prhaps DW can suggest. I would suggest therapy, or reading and researching things suggested here. Keep posting if you feel the need, keep reading here.

I too felt lonely until I came upon this board. I saw that you are in UK. Well, I am all the way in California and have experienced this heartbreak, like all the stepfolk here, across this 8 billion strong planet. Believe me, you are NOT alone.

Aanallein's picture

Thank you all for your comments, I did rescue her and the childern from a life that was very toxic, and yes I have always tried to put others before me.  I am not perfect but I do try to have perfect intentions, the one thing I do have is grit, a complete stubbingness not to quit.  I guess if you believe in a hihgher power you always have something to turn too, to talk too.  I have my Dogs....they listen and they dont judge ! Smile

Happy Friday everybody,