hi to all,

well hubby and i have come to an agreement in regards to the step daughter.
hubby didn't really want to cut back on visitation and i fully understand that just don't 100% agree but we discided that instead he will step up and take over the parenting on weekends which is when she is here, so to allow me to step back abit but also we laid down some ground rules
1. the sd is not to speak of her bm while with us we don't want to hear anything, not of the latest boyfriend not of her biograndmother ( who hates my hubby's family) nothing, so to avoid sd's lies or comparisons of our house and bms which is very hurtful and regularly used to start fights between the 2 households.
2. if she feels at anytime that shes not being treated right or something bad is happening at her bm she can talk to us or one of our support people( ie nani, aunties best friends) who she's comfortable with so that we may sort it out, but she is to know what she says will be repeated if investigated so it needs to be truthful...
3. she is to focus on positives of our house and to be invoved with our family activities while with us without bad mouthing it.
4. she's to work on treating those around her with the same respect she would people to treat her with.

we found once we laid these rules down on friday night at the beginning of her visit and then repeated first thing saturday morning we didn't have to many issues arise c did have to stop her self on a number of occasions but then we reminded her to think of something she liked about our house. saturday was actually one of the first saturdays in ages where it was actually really nice to have c around. we did have to give gentle reminders of our rules but it seemed to work.
on sunday we had a few tantrums which we ignored and she snaped out of them quicker then usual so hopefully we may be on amends with a few more gental reminders or ignoring the unwanted behaviours. when it comes to school hoildays we've had a few friends and family members put their hands up to have c for a night as the relieve any tension or dramas that she can cause so hopefully things might improve i know we have a long way to go to rebuild the broken bonds which is why i'm still looking for a good family councilor to work with but hopefully if hubby and i can stay strong and work together c might become a very much wanted and cherished family member unlike the hurtful little sod she is now....i am hoping that we didn't just have a nice weekend due to it being her birthday i'm trying to stay positive and to think of only good but we will see next accsess weekend wont we, fingers crossed. still completely hate the bm but am trying to adopt the attitude that if we ignore the unwanted then things will improve so if i pretend she doesn't exsist and than just focus on the positives of c being in our lives hopefully it will be so in future...