okay so the thing is that i have this "other" women in my life that being the ex.now not only does my hubby have history with this women but so do i ,let me try to explain....

now i met my hubby through my housemate who happens to now be my brother-in-law...but i got to know my now hubby and his ex due to my now mother-in-law...you see my mother-in-law lived here in adelaide australia but then her and my now father-in-law dicided to up and move interstate and i was very close with my now mother-in-law and we had a common dislike of my housemate her sons girlfriend and we use to bi*ch about this girl all the time when my now mother-in-law told me that her other sons girl friend didn't like the same person as us and i might like to give her a call so i did as she only lived down the road my now mother-in-law said she was a now stay at home mum same age as me etc, i found that i did get along with this new person well. later i found out that my now mother-in-law introduced us as a way of keeping a closer eye on the now ex. from getting to know the now ex and my now hubby better i was asked on a few occations to babysit for their little one and you see this is how i had history with the ex ,i thought she was a friend.

during the time that myself and the ex where friends i use to come over for dinner, cuppas etc but never really alone you see my now hubby and his ex use to regularly have friends over for drinks nights they could finish a couple bottles of scotch easily, the funny thing i remember was that i never really saw the little one much as the ex would leave her at the grandmothers while my now hubby worked but never seemed to pick her up again til the next day. also during this time i must say i disagreed with a number of things the ex did she would never change the little one if any one else was around to do it, if the little one cried she always got a bottle no matter what even if she just finished one it kept her quiet.and when at their house and the little one was awake she was put in a playpen the entire time not allowed to crawl around or be picked up for cuddles.the ex stared controlled crying when c was only 4 months old as she didn't want to get up to her during the night. the ex always had her house spotless if people where coming over but not at othertimes she would bum around in trackies etc all day until someone was coming over then she'ld go change it was the same for the baby if it was just her and the baby they would be dressed in whatever but if someone other then her close friends or her mother were coming around she change into dressier things. a mutual friend once told me that she and the ex went out shopping with their babies who where only 2 months apart both girls but my friends had bright blue eyes soft white hair very beautiful little girl i might add and the ex was with baby c who had mouse brown hair, pale blue eyes and when she was little always had red cheeks but very cute anyway they went shopping and a complete stranger came up and complimented my friend on her baby but didn't completment the ex on baby c so she just uped and left didn't finish shopping and wouldn't talk to the friend for a few days saying she just felt off was all. many people that know the ex and us say that they have always known her to care what other people think of her and that she had to be seen as perfect to everyone or she would get so angry and resentful.i also found out a bit about her history of how when the ex and hubby first told the ex's mother they where going to have a baby she ordered her other daughter( the exs sister) to beat up the ex hoping that it would cause a miscarriage, but also that the mother told the ex not to get to serious with my now hubby as he wasn't the marring type. the ex's mother didn't like my hubby or his family at all down right hated them.the ex grew up in a single parent family where her own mother was a very bitter ex who to this day hasn't remarried or moved on yet the exs father has remarried and had other children.

anyway i seem to have gotten off track, now that was my history with the ex i knew her and my hubby both as friends before the breakup and then when the ex chose to leave i helped out my now hubby which brought us closer and things went from there...

now the problems i encountered during the first few months of my new relationship were that my hubby's family saw me in the shadow of the ex as we have very similar stats...stay with me
you see the ex's birthday is the 26th of april 1983 and mine is the 21st of april 1983 her initials are a.a.p and my maiden ones are a-d.f.p we are both fairly chubby me more so now we both have naturally blond hair but never seems to stay that color for long or the same style we both wear glasses and had very similar styles. so when i first came around i was seen as very temperary and nothing really worth getting to know to well. i knew most of the family from being the other brothers friend and housemate. but then when we found out we were expecting the family well mainly one side felt that i would follow suit of the ex and leave early on once bubs was born which is one reason i stick it out just to prove them wrong and that i do truely care for my now hubby.

the split between hubby and his ex wasn't overly unexpected but due to them buying a house and having a child it wasn't smiled upon either my hubby told me once that if they hadn't had the little one they would have ended it long ago and he resents having to be civial at all with this woman.

after the split the ex never spoke to me again, not until she felt she had to due to me being involved with her daughter. she also cut off all communication with anyone close to my hubby unless she thought it would upset him 2 examples of this is that the ex knows we don't see one side of my hubby's family due to disagreements but we found out recently that the ex has started seeing them by going to bbq with them and parties etc and taking c along with them. also my hubby's ex and his brother where very close before the breakup ( a little to close if you ask me) but then after the breakup the brother only saw the ex at parties or on the rare occasion of bumping into each other the brother wanted little to do with the ex after she pointed the finger at him for being a possible suspect in c alleged abuse but then last year while my hubbys brother and girlfriend where living with us we had an iccident. you see my hubby myself and all 3 little ones had gone to a kids birthday party and it was a handover day but we where running late( only by 10 minutes or so) but when we did get back home we found the ex having a coffee in our house with the brother and his gf, my hubby and i chose to ignore this until after she had left and c wasn't home to hear my hubby who was furious ask his brother never to allow that women in his house again and that he didn't care what they did away from our shared home but not in the home, things blew up from there and long story short the brother and his gf go to the exs but haven't seen us since we moved house november last year.we still don't get it after being told that the brother can't stand the women for her treatment of my hubby or his daughter but i guess well never know.anyway off track again.

lets recap, i knew my hubby and his ex before they split then hubby and i got together things went well til we were to have our own little one then the ex cut off access to the child bringing about the first round of court battles which lasted roughly 2 years, during this time the ex had moved in with her mother and boyfriend into a 2 bedroom flat the mother owned then the mother continued to move i think it is now a total of 8 times since 2002 plus had 6 live in boyfriends that we know of has lived with other housemates on her own with the grandmother who during these past few years has been a primary caregiver to c and they haven't all been in the same areas she has moved across town back and forth for a few weeks and upto a few months.neer been in 1 home longer then 12 months.

i don't understand the ex anymore, from the moment she cut off contact with me and many of our friends she seems to have become this completely different person who i have been compared to many times and it drives me nuts the only insight i ever seem to have is through the family physcologist the courts sent us to and we got to read reports of the things she said which where complete lies or half truths where it made her look the better person. in some of the reports she states that she didn't know me only my name and that i came in after the split so when i stated that i had babysat for c before the breakup it was not good for her. also she lied about her residency and that she wasn't involved with anyone and hadn't been since with my hubby, which didn't work as her own mother stated about a few of her partners, i also struggled with the discision this women took in appointing her own mother (who had tried to make her miscarriage the child)a legal guardian of c when she couldn't perform her mothering duties which seems to happen more often then not.

this women has been a thorn in my side for many years now and it hurts to say i once called her a friend but now i find when her name is mentioned or she has contacted my hubby in someway email or text my skin crawls i always felt the ex was a bit unbalanced when i first got to know her but it wasn't until she was on her own did i get to see clearly how she truely was.

some of the things we know for sure that she has done with c in tow is being out to a number of different parties until 4 in the morning, had c sleeping on friends couches so she can stay out. doesn't properly clothe c as she often comes to our house missing underwear and when asked where it is she says her bm didn't lay anyout for her ,she goes for days without bathing c or brushing her teeth c permentally has a brown front tooth due to it.she also starts c in extra curiculum activities like dancing or karate only to stop it after a few weeks we still don't know the reasons behind this.also we know that when the ex has gotten mad at my hubby she will distroy c's belongings that came from our house, so far to the list we have c baby bear who was her best friend and sercurity, a pair of sneakers, a head band that c adored plus we have had a number of clothes and accessaries never returned until they are damaged or don't fit any longer.

i find if you look at the ex as a young 20 something she is living the life parties expensive clothes latest gadgets like scooters lap tops phones etc going to uni or was but has now started working due to government laws here in australia for single parents of school age children and out to all hours it seems fine a 20 something not taking responsibilty for her actions and not caring for anyone but herself now heres the problem in amungst her partying and being a young 20 something is a small bewildered child who seems to fall short of being the latest fashion accessary and due to that gets forgotten or neglected.

so to answer my question why do i hate this women that i once considered a friend it is simple she had a choice to make chose wrong and now instead of taking responsibility for her choice she takes her frustrations of not living the life she wants out on this little person.you see when it came to the discion part my now hubby wanted this little one and talked the ex into it so when things fell a part the ex used c against my hubby. hubby didn't want his ex anymore but wanted his daughter the ex being the mess she is didn't want the child but more so didn't want my hubby to have her either and has used the child as leverage ever since. and now that c is older is getting her to do the damage her self.

i dislike this women for hurting my hubby so much and turning what could of been a saint into a little monster but then when questioned about it all says it wasn't her and she didn't do it. i think i have covered my brief knowledge of this women but it still dosen't bring me any closer to understanding why she has done the things she has done.